What is WstbxW?

I'm guessing 'Wayward Soon To Be X-Wife'.

TBC

First thing is fire your lawyer.

Why waste money when you are sending your lawyer to fight with his hands tied.

Either fight for your marriage or go plan B and divorce. There is no such thing as being half pregnant. Either fight or get out of the ring.

Turn your lawyer loose. File AOA suit.

How is not filing the AoA tieing my lawyer's hands? Why drag out the D when right now when I am sitting as good as could possibly ask for w/NW5, 50/50, no CS, no maintenance, and I have the house? Yes I understand that recovery and to have both parents together in a healthy M would be the absolute best case scenario.

Truth is when I get hope, is when I get resentful and angry at WW and OM. I hold on to the pain and misery and embrace it.

WW has never been honest with me in the 10 years that we have been together. She got pregnant and we married. I made the mistake and did what I thought to be the honorable thing, but you know what? She said YES. Now I know a whole lot more about her dark, dirty, scummy, parking garrage and who knows what else secret. She left, she filed for D, and she is probably with OM right now. Filing an AoA and dragging out a D to put these two lovebirds in a pinch is going to save my marriage?

I exposed, I Plan A'd the best that I could, she moved out on Mother's day and I'm in Plan B since.

So tell me, what HOPE do you see in this situation and why should I have it? I'm going to wait for as long as two years for this woman, who has done nothing to prove to me that she is deserving of my love? I'm not putting myself through this anymore. I am going to move on for my own serenity.

I will protect what is best for myself and NW5. That is the hill that I will die on.

I think it still boils down to what do YOU want? From your last post it sounds as if you are through. Nothing wrong with that. If that is the direction you want to go, I will support you either way. If you definately want out, then I would try to get the deal done as quickly as possible and move on.

Edit: If you do want the marriage, then continue your Plan B. It' has only been a couple weeks though. Patience is in order if that is the route you wish to go. Check out Scotland's thread for Plan B tips.

I want to live my life with out anger and resentment. I'm not going to let these two control my emotions.

She made her bed, she can do whatever she wants in it. I still will continue Plan B, but I'm going to do the legal and other battles for the right motivations if that makes sense.

You can still file the AoA and not drag things out. Who knows, maybe that will end contact for good, and your WW will come crawling back. Who knows. At least it will make OM sweat.

By filing the AOA lawsuit, you put more pressure on the OM to end the affair. He's already trying to hang onto his relationship with his GF, so the more pressure you put on him, the more likely he is to think that boinking your WW is waaaaay more trouble than she's worth. Defending himself against an AOA lawsuit is also expensive, so that adds another level of pressure on him.

Aaaaaand the OM may think twice in the future about going after another MW.

NW,

I�m with you on your approach. It doesn�t hurt to file the AOA, even if it goes nowhere for lack of evidence. I think you�ll regret not doing it down the road as you go through your own personal recovery.

I can also empathize with the sentiment you�re expressing regarding the doubts about whether or not to save things. It�s understandable.

The fact is that you have a good deal right now, with the status quo. Time will heal your wounds and the anger you currently feel will eventually give way to acceptance and then indifference.

Indifference is a wonderful place to be. Your WXW eventually becomes as relevant to you as a stranger, with the exception that you have to deal with her in regards to your kids.

After what I�ve been through, I don�t think I could forgive infidelity in any way. I know what personal recovery looks like and that eventually things settle down and you feel normal again and are grateful to have the cheater out of your life. If she�s been sucking the life out of you all these years, then you can find someone who doesn�t do that. It�s a wonderful thing when you do find it.

It�s not the ideal scenario in regards to your son, but things eventually settle down and get better. Perhaps she�ll wake up someday. Don�t hold your breath waiting.

I didn't stop the AoA. I got this in the mail from my lawyer today.


RE: WW

OM,
I represent NW. The purpose of this letter is to demand that you cease all communication with his wife, WW. I have begun to draft a lawsuit against you, claiming Alienation of Affection among other things, and I will file this lawsuit with the court on 07 Jun 2010, if I have not received confirmation from you that you have ceased all communication with WW.

Also, I am planning on sitting you down for a disposition in my client's divorce case. A disposition is allowed to last 3 hours. Out of courtesy to you, I request that you provide me with a general work schedule so that my office can schedule the disposition at a time that is most convenient to you.

Best Regards,Lawyer...


Well, I'm sure that this will do something. I'll be interested to see what info Confused2010 can provide as to his reaction.

NW-LOVE YOUR LAWYER.

Yeah, I really loved the "among other things" jab in there..

I have begun to draft a lawsuit against you, claiming Alienation of Affection among other things, and I will file this lawsuit with the court on 07 Jun 2010, if I have not received confirmation from you that you have ceased all communication with WW.


YAAAAAAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!

That is great. Enjoy the show.

I'm a bit worried as to how I am going to react to this.

Can anyone tell me the difference between Hope and Expectation? Maybe if I could figure this out I would be able to control my emotions a little better.

I'll give it a try.....

To me, hope is simply wanting something to happen, or longing for an outcome. Expectation is a little more than hope, because you actually think that it will happen, setting yourself up for a disappointment if it doesn't happen.

You may HOPE to win the lottery. You have an EXPECTATION that you will be paid on the 1st and 15th.

For my case, I really hope my marriage works out. I don't really expect it to. This difference empowers me to improve myself for myself. In that process I still hope that it has a positive effect on my WW, but I don't expect it to. Does that help any? I was just shooting from the hip on that one, but that's the big difference to me.

After I posted the question, I knew the answer. The real challenge for me is to not turn any hope into an expectation. I expect a certain result of an action that would better my chances at recovery....more hope.

When I don't get/see reactions to my actions I get frustrated and build my resentment. I then question my reasons for whatever action and second guess my motivations.

I think too much and I'm probably way off mark.

You always ask me what I want, I think I answered correctly the other day. I want to live w/o resentment and anger...peace.

NW,

It may not go anywhere, but that AOA threat is awesome and one which you�ll be content to live with when you look back. You did something, even if it goes nowhere. The penalty for adultery, in many states, is $20.

You are handling things smartly. You know to keep your emotions in check, which is fantastic.

Expect little from the legal system. Expect nothing from your WW. Hope for the best in both and implement actions to help achieve those goals.

My experience with the legal system is that 90% of the battles are fought out of the court room and between the lawyers. It�s expensive and it is as much a psychological battle against your ex as it is anything else. Lawyers can file a million documents and only have few that have any merit, but the impact of having documents filed, even if they go nowhere, have a BIG impact on the ex spouse. Seeing a false claim in writing in a legal format was devastating to me. Countering such claims felt good and allowed me to punch back. But hindsight tells me that most of these things went nowhere and ultimately didn�t matter when it came to going to court.

The judge in my case saw through all the fluff and focused on the meat of the matter. He saw I wasn�t the monster they tried to portray me as and so did the kid�s attorney. I also had a ton of people show up on my court day, outnumbering her side 2 to 1. That has a big impact on a judge. When they see ministers, cops, co-workers, and fully uniformed officers show up to support someone, they certainly get the impression that the guy they�re standing up for can�t be all that bad of a guy. When family comes in from all over, that matters as well. In my case, my sis flew in all the way from outside of the country.

I offer these ideas to you to keep in mind for down the road.

In a way it was overkill. We used up too much time with witnesses saying how good a guy I was. There wasn�t enough time left for me to make my own case.

Keep that in mind as well. Have some witnesses available for show and select a handful for testimony on your behalf. Save the majority of the time for yourself to make your own case as a father.

My sister is my IM. Here are a couple of emails.

"Also, Friday June 4th is my last day of work. So from that point on, I will be keeping NW5 at home for the summer. You (Sis1) and Sis2 will be picking up and dropping off NW5 at my place then. And starting then as well, I won't be able to check my work email so you will have to email my yahoo address. I told NW a while back that on his days during the week that if ever took the day off that he could have NW5 during the day as well on his days. Thanks"

She has the summers off. We made plans prior to her leaving that she would be watching NW5 during the summer. We'll see how long that lasts. Previous summers we still did daycare part-time so WW could have some time for herself.


and..

"Ok, that sounds good. I do have NW5's windbreaker. Also, I ended up paying daycare $500, so that must have been for his mistake. He should give me the check for that"

I wrote the chect to day care for the wrong ammount. I wrote the $ ammount correctly but I spelled out the ammount wrong.


This screams of entitlement to me. Is it ok to have your IM go off on WW? haha, I know they are supposed to be impartial but I think that they souldn't put up with her crap too.