What I mean by this question is do you think it is possible to take a trigger and turn it into something else?

For instance, right after D-Day WS took me shopping and decided to buy me a beautiful white gold butterfly pendant. Then entire rest of the day I could not even look at it because I knew it was an "Affair" gift. It was something he bought to try to make up for having the A.

However it was so beautiful that a part of me wanted to wear it, but since I felt it was dirty (given the circumstances) I felt I could not wear it.

A few days after D-Day (way before I ever found MB) I sent OW an email (from WS's account) telling her that we were working on our marriage, about all the sex we were having, about the new wedding band and butterfly pendant he bought me, ect. Anything to pour salt into that wound. And since words are empty and meaningless, I felt I needed to show OW that I was telling the truth. So I took a picture of me wearing the necklace with a large hickey that was completely visible in the picture.

Since I sent that email, I have not had any problem wearing that necklace. In fact I generally feel very good wearing it now.

So do you think it is possible to own a trigger? To remove the power from a trigger? To re-define it so it no longer becomes a painful emotional experience?

I was reading on someone else's post yesterday, and they were talking about dates as triggers. So that got me thinking about this. Wondering if you could overwrite a date so that something good is remembered about that date rather than something bad?

anyone?

Eluna,

Read the Managing Memories link in my sig line and come back here to post your questions about it if possible. I don't get as much time here as I once did, so be patient and I'll answer when I get time.

You can not only reclaim a date, but also a lot of other triggers. The trick is to create those new memories before letting yourself wander down the path to reliving the old ones, so it can be tricky and often requires planning well in advance so that you don't trigger simply by trying to get something going.

Mark

Hi Eluna,

Mark's Managing Memories thread is a great one. I've bumped an old thread with similar challenges that may be helpful, too.

It's the Trigger Dumping thread on SAA.

Hope this helps you and others.

Ace

eluna
posting slows on the weekends. As to your WH buying you a gift to make up for his actions technically I don't see it as a trigger.

Though the best thing to recover from an affair is for all three parties involved is to have NC. To rub OW face in anything is not a good reason to break NC.

I took back my d-day on the first anniversary of it. Me and my FWH rented a romantic cabin and spent a WONDERFUL weekend and i now am not exactly sure which day for sure it is, i know approx. but not exactly.....