These are all very minor hits. What about her parents?

Frankly, I would devote your time to getting the OMW's phone # and do the most effective exposures first. Can you contact that PI agency I referenced on the spying 102 thread and get the wife's name and his parents?

Where is your wife? Where does this cousin live? I have no doubt they are together. The fact that your W told you this means nothing.

Hi BT,
I'm sorry that you had to hear your evidence. I know it hurts as I got mine the same way and I must say that you are handling it far better than I did.

My problem was that I didn't want to give up my source. I was still foggy and wanted to believe WW when she said it was over. I had to continue to use my VAR to verify for myself that the A was still active, and I did. WW still denied the A until it was pointless and to my knowledge still claims she ended the A.

That said, I had to continue Plan A in the face of her lies. I now know that she will continue to lie about the A until there is solid NC for a while.

Keep you chin up, you're doing great. Like G.I. JOE used to say...."And Knowing is Half the Battle."

BT, go to www.peoplefinders.com and type in OM's name. This will bring up info on him as well as associated names. You will find his BW's name there, as well as other names. Those other names are people you should expose to as well.

BT of course it is OM and i bet they are together now as well.

You have to find OMW NOW, i suggest the same as maritalbliss.

That or zabasearch and contact all of them.

Agree with Mel, you have to find OMW!!!

Oh! I forgot to add. When I heard OM (briefly) on my VAR, he sounded different to me than on the phone. My OM sounded a lot younger on the VAR.

Listen to the forum! Where have they been wrong yet?

There IS the possibility that it might be another OM. There's no "law" saying that a WW must be involved with only one OM at a time.

I like the nannycam idea, ML. I'd go further and suggest that BT actually purchase one (CASH!) and set it up so he can "show" WW where it was hidden when it supposedly recorded what it did...

So sorry for the turn of events BT. Like you, I refused to believe that my FWW would actually involve herself in an A, even though the evidence at times was clearly pointing to that.

My VAR did time stamp the recording.

You might want to get the sheets from that bed and store them somewhere. I think you have said you have not slept in it for a while. There may be multiple signs of evidence there.

MiM you are correct, it could be a different OM.

I too like the nanny cam idea.....

Not a bad idea either......

I can recommend cameras from www.spycameras.com. We have bought two at different times - optional voice microphone (I can't speak to the legalitieis of the voice but there are laws restricting voice).

Our model = Covert Wi-Fi Digital Wireless Web Camera with recording & remote access - External Pinhole Camera = $289.00
- First web camera with pinhole lens,
- Allow remote viewing & record (motion activated) from anywhere anytime.
- Single IP for multiple camera control.
- No need for 3rd party software. (9Ch camera software included)
- 1 Way audio (optional) = +$50

We bought the WiFi pinhole option from the above site. You can get it already housed in a case (nanny cam style) such as a clock or air purifier. But we bought the raw pinhole camera with microphone and installed it in a plant/decoration. Needs a plug in for the camera but works off of a wireless internet signal AND ALLOWS YOU TO WATCH REMOTELY FROM ANY INTERNET CONNECTION. I am watching my nanny as I type. We had reservations about buying them at first but I for one am SO happy we did and have no regrets. I think HBS would agree now even though he was hesitant at first. And we have told our nanny we were installing it. She was fine with it. Obviously, your WW would not feel the same way.

You do need a wireless router for the wifi to work but being able to access from any computer (even my blackberry phone can get the streaming feed with a special additional app I bought).

I highly recommend. They do ship overnight fast if you buy the option.

It is at least a great site to reseach cameras on if the WiFi is not an option for you.

And don't forget to stop, take some breaths, and enjoy your son some and let him fill your LB a little during this process. It will be good for both of your souls.

Hey BT,

You are getting good advice here. I like the nanny cam idea, but i think i would hold off on contacting your wife with that idea right now, you know what she has been up to. Finish your exposure, i agree with Mel, you are not hitting some important targets, her parents, the wife if you can get it.

Also, her work, and since OM works with you, your work friends and his. Shame the heck out of both of them.

Sorry I couldn't hear you on the radio but sounds like you are doing good for now. I wouldn't worry right now about buying more spy stuff today, you have more evidence than most ever have already. Now is the time for exposure and getting your Plan A stuff together and getting help with dealing with her anger.

She is gonna be so mad, hopefully.

SWW

K, exposed to her mom, grandma, grandpa, uncle, 2/3 best female friends, 4 other female friends, uncle should be emailing me a list of further relatives soon.

Work knows but not who the OM is yet, I am not sure who I trust over there besides one guy who knows and will call me later tonight. He might be looking to get OM fired.

I hear you guys on the spy stuff.

Here is my dilemma. I feel if I get more spy stuff, then I will have to "hope" they do it again so I can catch them. I am not kidding myself that it will just suddenly stop, however, I want no part in its continuing. To me that includes setting traps. I plan to continue making liberal use of the VAR, mostly in her car now because she probably wont do it in our room anymore.

I want to expose. I want to Expose and Plan A and fight for my marriage, I dont want to "wait" for them to do it again.

Does this make sense?

Found out OMW lives in different state then I thought, that the numbers I have might be old...

Will redo search here as soon as son is asleep.

for exposing

slight T/J here... I often read about people exposing and wonder if one day I'll get one of those emails... "Lil, xxx is having an affair"

Stranger things and all that

[/TJ]

Baby down, now I can get on this some more

BT,

My comment was not intended to kick you while you were down. I know how much this hurts. I also know that since you had such a hard time believing it without this evidence it probably hurts even more.

When we find out that the person we love most in life, the very person we have entrusted our heart to has betrayed us in this way, we lose all sense of trust. We no longer trust our wife, now known to be a cheating wife, we don't trust our friends, work acquaintances and others in our life. Most of all, we no longer trust ourselves. We lose the ability to trust our own instincts and ability to judge others rightly.

My comment was more for those who might stumble upon this place, read your thread because it strikes a cord and in spite of what they know is true prefer to believe that their wife (or husband) would never do such a thing.

You're getting very good advice concerning the beginning of the stick of Plan A. Exposure is the greatest single weapon you can use against an affair. Keep in mind that just as when a nuclear bomb is used on the battlefield, there will be a great deal of fallout from exposure. Some will begin to choose sides and unfortunately not all of them will choose your side, though anyone who values marriage most likely will.

But additional fallout will occur as well. The most impactful to you will be the reaction of your wife. She is likely to be madder than you even thought possible and will say things that will have you alternating between wanting to punch her in the face and run away screaming. In some cases, a spouse once exposed will instantly have the fog begin to lift and begin to realize what damage they have wrought. Unfortunately that is a very small percentage. In most cases, the former reaction is the one you are likely to get.

Know and understand that the greater the reaction, no matter what direction it takes, the greater the damage done to the affair by exposure. Fear of losing the source of their addiction is what makes an addict react violently when anyone threatens that source. The greater the outrage, the greater the fear of losing the drug. So if she is really angry, she is really afraid of losing her affair.

Don't forget the other parts of the stick, though. Anything you can do that makes the affair less viable gives you an edge. At the same time, begin to formulate a PLAN that begins to demonstrate to her that the marriage is a better option by focusing on the carrot side of Plan A. Identify her ENs and do whatever you can to meet them and keep your own anger under control. Expect nothing in return for all your efforts and realize that you need to make yourself into the best BT you can become. Become the man she doesn't want to lose while making the OM expendable as too high of a cost for the benefit to be received.

Anything you can do to get in the way of contact is to your benefit, so look for ways to stand between her and OM at every opportunity. Without making your son a pawn in a game of struggling over who gets their way, be sure that you demonstrate the value you hold in the concept of family and make your battle cry one of saving your family from attack. Be a dad, husband, care giver, provider and shelter for your wife to return to. Make it easier for her to work on the marriage than to end it and remember that until she has had NC with OM for a while you can't really do anything to fix it. You must save your marriage first and try to fix it later. The house is on fire. Put out the fire and worry about what color the bedroom will be once the ashes cool.

Also remember that your enemy is not your wife. It is the affair that is the enemy of your marriage. Fight the affair without fighting against her. You can't win her back by making her life miserable when she is around you and safe when she is with OM. It needs to be turned around the other way. Make home with you a good place to be and with OM a frantic, hurried, paranoid experience that removes any and all pleasure.

A bull ride only has to last eight seconds. I'm afraid this is going to last a bit longer. So mount up, strap in, hang on, it's going to be a wild ride for a while.

Cowboy up!

Mark

Ok, intellius is broken apparently..

thanks mark, I hearyou loud and clearn, I am exposing all over the place. Working on the work angle, OM might get fired for this.

I listened to it again with headphones on and such, and I can tell its him.

No doubt about it.

(cursing)

I need to stop listenin to this for a little bit...

so much rage...

BT, no I don't understand what you mean. You don't wait for them to do it again, but you continue to spy your [censored] off so you can a) stop them if they don't end contact and b)expose again.

When the dust settles, I would DEMAND that she end all contact. If he sets FOOT in your house or around your child, I would call the police and file a restraining order against him.


"Trust" to do what? I would tell everyone at work and even report this to Human Resources. This scumbags affair with your wife has placed you in a horrible position at work.

How far away is your wife, BT?