It seems most people on here need support because their life is still turned upside down. I think it's time to see how many people who lurk or post have come through this whole mess a stronger couple than before. This will be great inspiration for those working their way through.<P>"Leah", F<BR>Married l8 years, 3 children<BR>H had Internet affair that turned physical for short period one year ago. I became suspicious, began Plan A, and a month later, when he admitted to it, he gave her up. We're doing really, really well after working on emotional needs and communication.

Come on all you success stories...<P>We've got three so far today from "Leah", "lost and scared", and "crazy or what?"...<P>All the encouraging stories we can hear will definitely help our spirits... keep us going through those bleak times... and give us hope.<P>Thanks guys... <P>Jim

hi leah, <BR>H and I are together, working on things. It is going remarkably well. Stronger marriage than before? I don't think so. But I have a better h than before!!

Same here cl. H and I are doing much better and I think I have a H who is trying his heart out to change and become someone who can communicate better with me and our children. He tries every day to show me how sorry he is for all the pain. It has only been 7 months since I found out, but we are definitely coming to a better place in our lives.

Leah,<P>One year, post D-Day and life is SO MUCH better! Just got back from a weekend away with my wife and had a GREAT time. I'm amazed at what God has done with us. A year ago, my wife was sky-high for OM. Today, she is falling in love with me probably for the first time in our lives and it is fun! <P>Hang in there everyone, it is worth the work. I'm not saying that everyone will turn out reconciled. If you give your heart and situation to God, you will find that you "win" no matter what the outcome. I have faced the reality again and again that my marriage might not work and I came to a place where that would have been OK too. I'm grateful that it hasn't taken that turn but I know that God has been doing great things in my life regardless of my circumstances.<P>Happy Monday All,<BR>Struggling<P>(married 7 years, kids 1, 3, 5, wife had affair with neighbor)

Ten months post discovery. H broke of physical contact immediately, phone contact 8 weeks later. Still waves of pain, but much growth. I think we are a work in progress and have the potential to be better than we ever were in many respects. I think the difference is I accepted our marriage to be solid and happy, but not intimate. Now I'm unwilling to go back to status quo, and although H is more than willing to settle back into solid and happy, he is cooperating with growing a more intimate relationship.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

21 months post discovery and things are better than I would have ever dreamed possible. My H ended a long term affair upon discovery and I have had NO reason to believe there has been any contact since that day.<P>I credit our successful rebuilding on two major things.<P> One,,his willingness to prove to me that I can trust him. We go places together, call each other when we are not together. We talk, talk, talk. (Not so much about the past anymore but our future, our feelings, our dreams). No secrets, no cell phones, pagers or email. It is US,,not him & his friends,,his activities,,,but US.<P>Two, my acceptance that I had faults that contributed to the deterioration of our marriage. I was not the perfect wife. Far from it. And I have made changes too. I didn't deserve what happened (and he acknowledges that) but I had to realize that there were areas I needed to work on also.<P>It IS possible. It takes alot of tears, soul searching and sincere committment for a better future. A whole lot of work but worth it!! <P>Married 30 years, 2 grown kids.

Four months since D-day. Wow, almost five months now. My H stopped contact with OW immediately. Actually had no closure which kind of bothers me...but she was a "friend". I still have a problem with trust issue, but we are hanging in there. We will make it. I feel it in my bones

My story is almost verbatim as NerlyCrzy's right down to the married 30 years and 2 grown kids part. The only difference is my wife was the betrayer. But things are much better than they probably ever have been for 'US'. You can survive. The pain is tremendous and never really goes away. You just learn to live with it. Things will never be the same, and.......things will never be the same; some good and some bad. It is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Hi Leah, I'm here too.<BR>One year post recovery, 15 months after affair started.<BR>Married for 16 years, 2 kids ( 6 and 9) <BR>Going great. Marriage is stronger than what it was even before H's affair. <BR>Communication improved 200% "couple time" that as missing for a long time, specially since the kids were born, is back, and we are doing our best to make that time happen no matter how busy or how different our schedules are. We're paying more attention to non verbal clues on both sides, and being there even before the other person notices that is feeling down or tired.<P>I know this sounds like an exageration, but since last December we seem to be in a permanent honeymoon, and we're both enjoying it greatly. This time around though, it is with the knwoledge that none of us is perfect but we love each other anyway.Which is even better! <P>It can happen, people. Look at how many of us made it!<P>Take care<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Six months past discovery...we are doing great. H had a month long emotional affair while I was 8-9 months pregnant...really sucked! <P>We've spent the last 6 months working on our marriage. H has done EVERYTHING right and I struggle at times, but he always is there to help me to the next step.<P>------------------<BR>Joan <P>"Turn your wounds into wisdom..." That really cool black gal who was on Oprah all summer.<BR>

Things are better in my marriage than a year ago, but my wife and I still have a very long way to go. <P>Ask me in a year.<P>SHA

8 months post discovery..H moved in with ow for 2 months.. been back home for 4 1/2 months. H has contacted he a few times, but it has been getting better..We are getting to the end of this finally but it takes time. Our marriage is actually better than before.. we still struggle with trust, and that is because he has had contact with her and wont tell me.. but I see progress.. so i keep plugging away..

Count me in as an "almost made it" with a lot of hope and confidence still diluted with fear because the ow still works with h.<BR>H has been great; marriage and communication better than it has been in several years - but I am still having problems with anger, trust and rage that the ow won't get out of our life.<BR> Simone

We almost made it. Just struggling with some trust issues. I have to change my frame of mind. OW is leaving employment 10/30, going out to get champagne, I want her out of our lives for ever. Been enjoying the second honeymoon phase, I love to snuggle with him, I don't think he could ever give me up, he keeps telling me he loves me....and I keep telling him I love him....he and the kids are my whole life....and to think I almost lost it all....

My husband and I are separated and he is transferring with his company to another city. HOWEVER, compared to where we were a year ago we have made quite a bit of progress. I have no reason to believe there is OW. We see each other every weekend and its because we want to. Last year at this time he acted as if he hated me (which he did). I was the blame for all his failures in live yada yada yada (in his mind). He still won't take meds for depression, but has promised to seek counseling when settled. I plan on weekend visits to see where things go. He's looking for that "in love" feeling.

We made it thru an emotional affair my H had with his ex-girlfriend. It had begun years before I ever met him - it wasn't caused by my not fufilling his needs. <P>My H & I don't NEED one another - we WANT one another. We both can take care of ourselves just fine. We chose our marriage and are not together out of financial necessity or spiritual beliefs that divorce is evil. <P>We each believe in fufilling our own needs and then if our spouse can add more to us, then our "cup runneth over." <P>We have ground rules that we both accept and honor. <P>We laugh, sing, and talk ALOT. We are best friends. <BR>

A year ago I never thought I'd be writing this but I believe my H & I are stronger than before. He had a brief affair 8/98 while I was pregnant. I threw him out and we both wanted a divorce. Then I found this site and started to really look at my marriage & MYSELF. This site helped me tremendously. S l o w l y, we became closer and he was w/me for the birth of our 3rd child and back in the house. I am much more aware of things and do put my marriage first...now. We celebrated our 8th anniv. last week and went to see "The Story of Us". Of course H said great a "chick flick" but he came out and said wow - I loved it and that he wished he'd seen it before. Maybe he would have realized that we weren't hopeless. I wish I'd never gone through the hurt (and sometimes I still think of it and it still hurts) but I'm glad it woke us up because I wouldnt want the marriage we had before. I guess you can either let what's happened ruin you and cause you bitterness or learn from it and have an even better life. I NEVER believed we'd be together again - much less happy together again!<P> Magoskid

I posted a reply but I dont think it went through. If I'm posting twice...sorry.<P>I am happy to say I feel my H and I have made it. A year ago I NEVER wouldv'e believed it could be possible. This site helped me tremendously. I really took a long look at myself and my marriage. I put my marriage first - now. I always assumed he'd just be there - I never had to work at it. Big mistake. We celebrated our 8th anniv. last week and I dragged him to "The Story of Us". He really loved it - he wished he'd seen it before so that he realized we weren't hopeless. As a matter of fact, he recommended it to his friend who is going through some marriage troubles of his own. He's actually been giving his friend alot of advice, good advice too. I guess he learned alot as well. <BR>As I said in my first reply to this, you can either let this ruin you or learn from it and have something even better. It really is possible, not easy but definitely possible. It still hurts sometimes, I wont deny that but it lessons over time. When you come so close to losing someone I think you appreciate it even more. Magoskid

Hi Leah...<P>8 months post discovery from H's 2 month affair. Started recovery immediately (joint professional counseling has helped tremendously). H is very remorseful, attentive, affectionate and understanding. Still a lot of pain and guilt, but we are doing well. Didn't think we could survive this, but we did.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited October 26, 1999).]