I have been with my husband almost five years now, but only married nearly two of those years. However, we had two children prior to our marriage and lived together the entire time.

My husband has been having affairs since we first met. I excused the first few since we had just started dating, or he'd claim we weren't "official when he did that". His first one night stand was hidden for three years, the second one for two. And I had to dig, question, and repeatedly harass the truth out of him! The third thing was an ongoing sexual affair that went as far as him returning to my bed at night to have intimate encounters with me, without "hygiene" or "protection". I found out about this a year and a half later by tricking him into telling me the truth. Then it tooks a week of me obsessing and questioning before he would give any details or admit to multiple encounters.

Needless to say, I stayed. Here I am now, dealing with yet another affair. The insanity never stopped though. After the sexual affairs, he switched to "emotional affairs".

He had always been around this girl he'd previously dated, because her brother was his best friend. I never let myself think much of it. God knows what I overlooked back then. My discovery of what was truly taking place was when I was pregnant with our second child (my third). He tried and tried to convince me that they were the best of friends, and then they dated and screwed it up. He could never feel that way for her again, and he would never date her again because of his friendship with her brother, blah, blah, blah. That was in March of 2008. It is now nearly June of 2010, and the last time I discovered more hidden lies about him and her was not long ago, April of 2010.

Through our entire relationship, my husband has REFUSED to cut connection with her. He literally left me whenever I was 6 months along with our son when I told him he had to choose. He allowed her to text me from his phone and smear it in my face. He finally came home, and I believed he had learned. Nope. I can't even name how many times I've had to face this with him. I even left him for three months, only to have him come home crying, begging and pleading, swearing he would never ever do this again. Well, he did. But this last time was short and ended nicely. FINALLY, after me begging him for years to call her and tell her they had nothing, no friendship, no love, no nothing, he did.

But... he started working out of town. Three days ago, I was figuring up bills, counting our money, and he didn't hand me his wallet like he normally does. He was literally swerving all over the road just to avoid handing it to me. That feeling hit my gut instantly and I demanded he start explaining. I was proud of his cowardly self. It only took an hour of me telling him to get it over with and fess up! He handed it to me. There it was. A little folded up scrap of paper with a girl's name and number. According to the both of them, she knew nothing about me, as we were "separated". Right, whatever. So just last night, we deal with this, he SWEARS he's done screwing with my head. Done, done, done. He begged and pleaded that I give him another chance.

Guess what? I found her number today in his phone. Stored under his brother's name as a second mobile number. Supposedly he looked in my cell phone under recent calls and secretly got it because, "his friend wants to date her, and texted him asking for her number". Then he tried to get ME TO TEXT IT TO THE GUY! I mean good grief. How much can I put myself through? Why am I so persistent? He even lies about dumb stuff, this is just the big picture! I just don't see how you survive something that keeps on hitting you over and over again. I am starting to become so down on myself, just like with my prior husband. Funny how he can always find an excuse or try to blame it on ME. I don't know, I am seriously just exhausted with this marriage. Three children (and one in heaven) later. Topper on the cake is that I quit my job recently, mostly because he "needed to see me more". Uggghh..

My suggestion would be to accept that you cannot change him and react accordingly. You CHOSE to marry him knowing he was like this, so I would accept that choice. You KNEW what you were getting into when you married him so this is no surprise.

If you have changed your mind and have decided you want a monogamous marriage, then you oughta take a hard look at divorce.

But, you must accept that you can't change him.

Have you tried exposing him yet? Telling EVERYONE that he has been cheating since the beginning giving them evidence? Tell your friends, family, his family, etc! But it really looks like her H thinks he can get away with it, so what are you going to do about it?

1. Expose your husband TO EVERYONE? To let him know he is a cheater?

2. Live with a man that will cheat on you for the rest of your marriage?

or

3. Divorce and save you some sanity?

Your choice.

You have to ask yourself what do you want?

Do you want to try to save your marriage?

Or Divorce?

If you want to save your marriage then the next step is to expose these multiple A to EVERYONE! You need the support, you can't do this alone! I bet you if you had exposed the first A then he wouldn't have multiple A, but since you didn't he thinks he can do it again.

cara, I agree with the others. For some people, infidelity is not an aberration of character; it's a lifestyle.

This man has made it clear that he wants both a wife AND girlfriends, and he has no intention of changing that.

You have two choices:
Try Plan B for a short time, and then file for divorce to protect yourself and your children. You can go on to find a man who will value and respect all of you. You can have a loving husband and your children can have a decent father.

Or you can go on living with a man who has cheated on you since day one and who has made it plain that he has no intention of stopping. His whole life is a lie and he manages everybody and everything through lies and deception. He is a terrible example for your kids and nothing but misery and neglect for you.

I am sorry the news isn't better, but this man has shown you what he really is. Believe him.