Hello everyone....

I have been on here a few times before trying to get advice about my dear H. Well, I have tried and tried...to no avail..I couldn't handle it so I asked him for a divorce...

Here is the story...

Me and H will be married 7 years on June 7th. I have tried to reason, communicate.. nothing....What had finally made me decide to get a divorce was that I am just tired of being hurt all the time, he wouldn't reason with me or even listen to me.. he has been a loner all his life I don't think he knows how to be considerate of others other than himself...We have tried talking out all our problems but he doesn't like hearing "feelings"..he thinks I complain all the time when I just want to "talk" about what is going on and how I feel...I cry all the time...he just doesn't want to listen...

We are totally 2 different people..I love people, he hates people...I am outgoing he is introverted..he doesn't like considering others, I do...I do everything for the man just to make him happy and never consider my own feelings or my kids who are..Son 18..daughter 14...they both have seen what he is doing and it really hurts them..they says they are tired of momma getting hurt....I just can't handle it anymore...He thinks just because he works he doesn't have to do anything else for the family..he is depressed at his job but won't do anything about it and that is really pulling us apart...he doesn't even do anything around the house.. the house is falling apart...

After our argument before, he had agreed to counseling so I took him back.. got everything set up as far as the appt.. and then at the last minute he says he wasnt going he was "too tired"..right there told me where we stood in our marriage, it told me he didnt care and was planning on going in the first place.. I think he told me this to pacify me..I went to counseling alone...

He told me this recently...I can't even open up to you so how in the heck can I open up to a counselor?? That was an ouch...I am tired I have tried every resource..I figured if he REALLY wanted to make this work he would have gone with me...I am at the end of my rope.....

Joanie..

So sorry Joanie. My husband was the same way. I know how hard it is to fight the battle alone. You just can win without the other's participation.

What did he say when you asked for the divorce?

Well at first...he got really angry and said...IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE WITH ME THEN FINE F-OFF!!!!....Then he called back and tried to apologize..I wouldn't accept it....He has said F-YOU many times to me...I just can't take it anymore.....

I don't think it can work without 2 people WANTING it to work....Its a one-way street.....

Maybe he is right when he says you complain all the time. After all, I didn't read you write one good thing about him. It's all complaints.

If this is the way you are talking to him, no wonder he wouldn't open up. You cut him down here, why would he ever believe it's safe to open up to you.

You criticize him for being an introvert, for telling you how he feels (criticized.) You assert he doesn't care for others, but you care (really, does a wife who cares for her husband cut him down this way?)

He's in a no win situation, and you make it out as if he's 100% to blame. I doubt that's true, but that's the story you are telling.

If this is how you treat him, I think he'll be better off alone as well.

No, i'm not "complaining" as you say...This is just what happens...He BLAMES HIS JOB on not communicating with me...I have tried every resource to make this work.. what am I to do?..I do everything for the man...I put my heart and soul into him...I go to him to talk to him about things and I have said as well that I know i'm not perfect..I have asked him if there were things I need to change and he says no. Also for some reason he has trust issues with me when I have never given him any reason to DISTRUST me...Now that we are separated, I am thinking more and more.. how can this work? He blames his job for everything...

You told him you wanted a divorce OVER THE PHONE?

WHAT CWMI??

OH, i'm sorry CWMI.. yes right then and there..... couldnt help it....

Have you read the Marriage Builder books

His Needs Her Needs
Love Busters


They show the key to getting a satisfying marriage.

Obviously you are at the end of your rope trying to find happiness and now that you have told him you are leaning towards divorce, perhaps you can both be inspired to read and put into practise the awesome information from those two books.

If you have not read them yet.....please do!

Have you ever told your H you were on the brink of asking for a D before?

I know you've posted that your H feels you nag and complain a lot and that you do not respect him (earlier post)....have you ever really addressed this? It seems to me he may be clearly telling you WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, yet it almost seems as if you are ignoring this and brushing him off. A man MUST feel respected by his wife, and if he doesn't then he can shut off like a switch. Your husband sounds like he is shut off.

Did he tell you WHY he doesn't feel he can open up to you?

Where do his trust issues stem from? A year ago you posted that your sex drive had gone 'sky high' (and your H wasn't very interested) and that you had an outside offer to fill your needs. How does an 'outside offer' for sex even come about to a married woman? Did your H know that someone else was offering to have sex with you?

Any affairs, past or present?

Really? You've dismissed what I had to offer. So think about it. If you dismiss when others tell you that your complaining, then why would they open up and want to share with you?

Others have seen it in what you write as well, yet you appear to be dismissing them.

Tell me, by dismissing what your H and others here have said, is that making your marriage better or worse? Do you have better or worse communication with your H? Does he feel more or less loved by you?

OK, prove to me you are not complaining. Go back to your first post and post every GOOD and POSITIVE thing you said about your husband in that post.

If you can't find anything good you've said about him, then you are complaining.

If the text of what is good, if you find anything, is a lot smaller than the text of what you say that is not good, then MOST of what you write is complaints.

So show us the good you are saying about your husband. Since you refute the idea that you were complaining here about your husband, highlight the compliments and positive things you've said about him IN THIS THREAD.

When you find you cannot do that, then maybe you'll see what he apparently sees and what I as well as at least one other has pointed out.