Sunshine, will your WH write a NC letter which you okay and send to OW?

You do need to snoop to ensure there is NC. Has your WH shown any signs of withdrawal?

My WH has shown no signs of withdrawal. He just is relieved to be out of the mess he was in. I have not asked my WH to write a NC letter because of the way he handled the end of the A. I'm also a little afraid that if I have him write an NC letter, then it will give her an invitation to contact him. Does that make sense? I am positive there has been NC for 2 wks. I would hate the fact that my WH would contact OW even if it was an NC letter.

Well, the reason I asked about withdrawal symptoms is because they would be a GREAT indication of NC. I believe that as long as the letter is written like the ones suggested on here, it would be a FINAL end all.

What are you going to do to snoop? Are you going to install a keylogger? GPS? VAR?

If you believe in your heart that the A is truly over, then make sure you both set strong boundaries so that this will never happen again! Do not let your guard down for a second, this is still fresh, and to make sure it is solid you both need to sit down and set boundaries. I know for me one of them is, I can't chat or talk to another male with out my DH there with me, if a male friend calls me I let it go straight to VM then I wait till DH is home to tell him that our friend called about so and so and I let him listen to the VM. That is just ONE example on a boundary we have as a couple, I can name your like 10 others.

But once again if you find evidence that they have chatted, then do not hesitate and expose them! Even if it was just a "Hey just wanted to see how things were going for you."

It has been about 3 months for me for NC, and if the OM contacted me I have my letter written out ready to send to him, after our exposure I or him have not contacted each other. If so, I am READY!

Good luck and keep reading!

Thank you SR! You have been kind and very helpful. It's nice to get the WS's point of view. I know there are a lot of differing opinions about exposure and NC letter, but I do feel in my heart the A is over now (and I mean at this very moment.)Like I said before my WH feels stress free except of course for the hurt he has caused me. I heard every word of the phone call to OW it was downright mean!! Can you give me some boundries that you or other couples have set? I think it would help tremendously! Thanks!

1. Cant talk to any males alone
2. He has all my passwords
3. I save all my text msgs so he can see and VM's
4. I let him know exactly what I do every min of the day
5. Limited time use on the internet (that has been flexible lately now that he knows i'm on MB's)
6. Reading together and MC
7. Setting goals for the future not just years, but weeks, and months
8. Spending at least 15 hours of UA (undivided attention) per week
9. Communicating and sharing how we feel. If something is bothering us we have to discuss it.
10. When he has a concern about slipping into the same habits he lets me know, and we discuss them, we don't let it go pass us, we resolve it right then and there.
11. If one of us wants to do something together or as a family BOTH of us would have to agree on it 100% so that one of us don't feel resentful for being pushed on something we didn't want to do.
12. We fulfill each others needs physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I am sure there is more but those are the things I can think of on the top of my head.

Good luck!

Thanks again, SR! We already have #'s2,3,4,6,7,9,11 down! We are working on the rest. I guess we are on to a good start! We still have alot of work ahead of us which we both know will be difficult and challenging. Hopefully, in the end our marriage will be stronger because of all the work we put into it.

Awesome! Keep us updated, or if you have anymore questions.

Okay, I need some advice. My DDay was 3 wks. ago. My WH and I have discussed the A on several occasions. He has answered all of my questions without hesitation and has never gotten mad, angry or upset, which is good. We are getting along really well and have started to read SAA together. I really hate bringing up A anymore because it just is too difficult to hear. There are about 15-20 more questions that I feel I am obsessing about and need to know the answers to. I have written them all down and was wondering if I should just ask these questions, get them off my chest and then never again bring up A? Is it necessary to actually talk or would it be okay to give him the questions and he write the answers down? It is so hard to hear the words coming straight from him. This might be an easier way for me. Any thoughts?

Any advice?!!? I need to bump!

I think it is perfectly OKAY for you to ask ALL of the questions that YOU need answered. It is hard to hear, but you need this to heal. Writing down the questions and having him write the answers as well is perfectly OKAY. This way, you will write down exactly what you want to know and you will have his answers to refer back to. Understand that as he comes out of the fog further he will change the answers to these questions and even say that he didn't say those things. This is normal.

Go for it. Get him to answer your written questions in writing and don't tell him that this is the last time you will ask these questions. You may ask more questions as this sets in more.

Thank you SL for your great advice. Didn't I read somewhere that once we had the 'dump' session, then no more questions about A? Maybe I misunderstood. I'll have to reread that section in SAA again!

Has anyone ever used a sim card reader? If so, how did it work? Would love some feedback!

It is now almost 4 wks. past d-day. My husband has had NC with OW. Is it too late to send an NC letter? I'm afraid if I do now, OW will try to contact WH. Any thoughts? I do have access to all cells, e-mails etc. If you have read my post you will see that OW has called WH once and texted him 2 times. (only 1 time that WH knows of!!) WH never responded to call or text.

If she contacts him ONE more time then YES send out a NC letter. But I would be blocking her number so she can't contact your husband. Does he still have all of her contact info? Like phone number, email, etc? If so then DELETE everything

Good luck

Thank you SR. I appreciate any advice I can get. I agree with you wholeheartedly. One more text or call and I will definately have WH send NC letter. Every bit of contact info. has been deleted by WH. I feel like I am a lucky BS. It sounds funny to say, I know. My WH has been doing all the right things since D-Day, I know he loves me and wants to keep our family together. I feel so bad for all the BS who are having such a difficult time. Keep your head up.

Sunshine,

What would be the problem sending the NC letter? It is proof to you that your WH is onboard with the program, yes?

Yeah it is an invite, but symbolically it is important i think. My thoughts.

SWW

Thank you SWW. Yes, I do believe symbolically it is important to write an NC letter, but I know this OW would definately try to get in touch with WH after she received it. I guess I'd rather not deal with that. We will see. If I find out she called or texted him on his work cell, than NC letter is definately gonna happen. My WH would love to write one!( He might get a little too mean, but I wouldn't mind, cause I guess he could never be too mean to OW in my opinion!)

Just a quick question. If you have read my thread than you know this is my WH's 2nd A. The first A happened 14 yrs.ago. This new A has stirred up memories of the 1st A. Back in '96 we didn't have cell phones, texting, internet, and FB. I really did not have closure for that A at all. Meaning we both just never again in 14 yrs talked about it. That is until DDay of 2nd A, which was 5/5/10. I asked WH if he ever contacted the OW from A #1, and he said "never". Well, needless to say this comment has been eating at me since DDay. We all know we can't believe what comes out of the Wayward's mouth! Let me tell you that in A #1 14 yrs.ago, I called the OW and found out for a fact about the A. OW said she was falling in 'love' with my WH. Ugh! Fast forward to today..... I found OW #1 FB page and am wanting to contact her!! Just to find out if WH did tell me the truth, and they have not seen or heard from each other in 14 yrs. I think I know what y'all are gonna say, but, I've been surprise by comments on here before. I don't want to open a can of worms. I feel I need to know if my WH is telling the truth! Thanks! I hope this all makes sense!!

IMHO, you are not gonna get the truth from an OW anyway, so dont bother.