I won't know until later if he changed it on his laptop or not. Obviously, he has something to hide and he's very good at it! The problem with the keylogger software is that I was able to install it but could not get the email function working so I still need to get into his laptop one more time to set that up. Not sure if that will happen now!

I thought of every password he uses and none of them worked. He did not change the pasword on a few other things so I just spent some time printing statements from the credit card he uses when he doesn't want me to know what he's doing.

I doubt he will confront me if he suspects I am snooping - that wouldn't be like him at all. He will just try harder to hide his activities from. Keep your fingers crossed that he didn't find the VAR. If that happens, I will have to proceed with what I have.

Hi Anne505,

Just wanted to let you know that there are people that will hack email accounts and get the current password for you. I should know as it was done to me! I don't know any names to give you, or how much it costs, but I'm sure if you do a web search you would find them. Perhaps someone on MB would have a recommendation for you.

Hope this helps. I can understand your frustration at wanting to unearth the truth. I wish you well.

Oh! I spent a lot of time over on BT's thread and missed that - in that case, Anne, you should be able to get email reports, right? Don't say anything about his pws being changed.

I did load it but could not get it set up to email me reports. I need to get in there one more time to do that. I will NOT say anything about passwords being changed.

I have a question about confrontation. I know many of you have suggested a simple "I know" and leaving it at that. No tears, going crazy, getting angry, etc. My question is how do you end the conversation when he starts with the denials and accusations? Do you simply walk away or say something like "I'll be here to talk when you are ready to tell me the truth?" Based on my recent developments, my confrontation might happen sooner (not to mention without all the desired proof) than I had hoped. Advice, thoughts or suggestions? I don't want to blow it!

Did you read my post Anne? Or did it get lost in your busy thread?

I did read it (thank you, by the way) and will try to find someone. However, I'm trying to prepare for all scenarios especially the one where confrontation might happen before I was fully ready for it.

Thanks for replying Anne; I just wanted to make sure you knew there was such a service out there.

My WH works for a company that makes all employees change their passwords every month, so there is a chance this is just a coincidence. Just be on your guard not to divulge that you know it has changed.

I would call the company you purchased the logger from and ask for advice. Perhaps now that it is downloaded, there is some way to access it. I would ask their help!

I wish you all the best.

Thanks again, Nomdeplume. I really do appreciate the great advice and help I get here. I've been researching email hacking and it might be hard to find a legit one. Again, just trying to prepare for all possible scenarios.

WH's company does not make them change passwords. In fact, he has had this password since he worked there (going on 10 years). I have not yet verified that he has changed his email password but I do know that he changed his Facebook password. It's my guess that if he changed one, then he changed the other. I am not going to act any differently with this change of events. I haven't been myself lately but I hope he will chalk that up to me being pregnant and my mom starting chemo tomorrow.

The software company did help me figure out how to get it set up. Too bad that it might be a day late!

Thanks again for your advice. I don't know what I would do without this forum!

Anne:

If you were to sign on as him for his FB account and say you forgot your password, where would FB send it?

Can you get into his email remotely? If he uses an email client, such as Outlook, you should be able to go right to the ISP's website (Verizon, Comcast) and read his email there, if he hasn't changed the PW.

Can you call the Keylogger tech help line for help in getting that thing to start emailing you reports?

One other thought. If his dirtbag friends like to play practical jokes on each other, there's a chance one of them could have hacked his FB account and changed his PW.

OurHouse - His password reminder/reset will go to his work email. If he has changed that, I am out of luck. He doesn't do much on Facebook so my bigger concern is his work email. Getting shut out of that would not be good.

As for the remote access, I have to wait until he's not using his email to access it. He's working late (or so he says, who acutally knows) so it's going to be awhile before I can test it and see if the old password still works.

The keylogger tech people helped me figure out how to set up the email reports. However, I can not set it up if I can't get into his laptop. Time will tell.

I'm not sure what a confrontation like that would get you, Anne. It's sort of the opposite of a 'tsunami of truth' KWIM? I'm afraid he would think you were fishing and call your bluff. Do you feel you have enough intel to confront him and cause him to come out with it? Because it's like there's been a little cat-and-mouse game between you two, and you both know it. Do you think he would come clean now?

Interesting that you bring this up because this happened last September. WH wanted Dirtbag to see some pictures (probably of a co-worker he has the hots for but I'm only guessing) so he gave him his password. Dirtbag started sending messages to people from WH's account so WH had to change the password on Facebook only. But I truly don't think it's the case this time. The timing is too suspect with me doing so much snooping and having just installed keylogger on his software. Although I won't give myself away, the most likely scenario is that he's trying to keep me out.

It's going to be hard to let him know that I really do know without revealing HOW I know. That's the problem and why I'm trying to figure out the best way to approach this when the time comes. I think about it all the time but I just don't know the best way to do it.

As for the cat & mouse game, I don't think he's really known that I know/suspect anything until today. He's been to wrapped up in his own sick games to consider me or my feelings. That's why I wonder if he found the keylogging software or maybe the VAR. Time will tell...

When he changed his FB password after Dirtbag hacked it...did he pick something new? And how did you find out what he'd picked?

He did pick something new but it was rather obvious and I guessed it. I have no clue what he changed it to this time. The obvious ones aren't working. I do know that if you forget your password, FB sends you a link to reset it rather than the actual password.

I'm starting to realize that I am spending way too much time on this man. Perhaps my life would be better if he were no longer a part of it (except for being the father of my children).

That's an excellent point and something to think about, Anne. I know you have your very valid reasons for wanting solid proof. But maybe it's time to start thinking about what YOU want. Do you think you can live with a person it sounds as though you no longer respect, who you believe has little or no moral integrity? Do you think he's salvageable? Do you think the marriage is salvageable if proper help is obtained?

If so, then keep doing what you are doing; you are fighting for your marriage.

If not..then I guess it really doesn't matter so much. You could put your energy into the divorce settlement.

Anne, you are getting great advice from people that know the MB ways, so I will stay away from that side of things.

I did though endure a couple of months of discovery similar to you. It is difficult and crazy making, but worth it in the end.

If your WH has found the keylogger then of course you know nothing about it!!! If he mentions it, then act dumb and say something like... "I was just reading about all he Internet fraud etc. that is going on now. My goodness did they get our bank/credit card details? Maybe we should report this to the credit agencies. This is so scary!"

If he found the VAR then perhaps you could laugh it off as one of his silly friends playing another joke on him.. just plant that idea in his head and deny, deny, deny!

Plan what you will say ahead of time so you are prepared.

If only I knew the answers to those questions. I do feel that I owe it to my kids to at least try to work it out after I confront him. I don't know how much hope there is but I think I would regret not trying.