Did you get that pillow I told you about? Get it. Pound the floor with it. Avoid the china Don't throw anything - don't strike your H.

I have the darn pillow only it was not working for me, I needed to throw things, partcularly the chairs ( I can't exactly say which one it is) from my dinette set

I thank God every day that the OW wasn't on the receiving end of my blind rage. Sure, it would have felt great at the time. Thank God she wasn't here - for my sake (she would have deserved a good hurting). I would have faced jail time - what a great thing for my kids and colleagues to see. Not.

Take it from me - you don't want physical rage to be a part of your healing.

I've gotcha on the rage thing,though. But here's the deal - at the end of your rant you've got physical damage. You have to look at it, you have to repair it, you have to clean it up. You don't need to add that to your list of things to deal with.

I know that what you are saying makes sense and I fully agree with you but when I saw that hwr near naked [censored] was actually sitting in my kitchen? that was my undoing. This thing of bringing a woman into my house and bed, its just damn difficult to deal with. I can't seem to get the picture out of my head and this was before I saw actual photgraphs, now its just worse.

Yeah, MB me too....I always said thank goodness I did not see OW anytime near Dday, I swear if she was in front of my car, I dont think I would have been able to stop myself from running her over...Then I would be in jail now...How would that have helped me or my DS.

What helped me a lot was reading and posting on here, my rants, my rage and people on here understanding it. IDK, do you think talking to a counseler or something would help? it helped me with the rage....

I still have rage about that. Thinking of her being ANYWHERE in my house makes me want to take a baseball bat and go after her. Right after I found out, every time I left the house I HOPED I would just happen to run into her so I could beat her silly and tell everyone who saw what she had done to my marriage. That stage is gone now, but I'm still so mad.

I hope the rage passes.....

It passes and turns into just plain anger, then it gets lesser and lesser...Now I would just spit in her face.

Pillow. Get it. Pound it. Hard against walls,although I found that hitting floors gave me better leverage. Trust me on this, teaser.

Oh - and it's an added healer to mutter things - or hell, yell if no one can hear you: "You GD b*tch! Take this! How's that g string fitting you now, wH&re? How's your Victoria's Secret treating you now, you s*it oozing piece of diseased flesh!" Etc. Very cleansing.

If I ever write a letter to OW (I won't, I promise) - that is EXACTLY what I'd like to say to her, bliss! And add a few choice phrases of my own. Sometimes I go on FB, log in with my sister's acct so I can access OW's account, and sit there and say the nastiest, meanest things I can think of to her profile pic. It's quite therapeutic - ALMOST as good as saying it to her.

Anyway, Teaser - do you know if OW's mom spoke to her about the A?

Yes. When I was in Plan A, I would go out for drives in my car and blare really loud angry music and scream it. Then I would go to a secluded park/the river and I would YELL. I would also write in a journal all of the hateful things I would get censored on here. Then I would come on here and rant. It made me feel good when others told me they knew how I felt.

The key is that in Plan A you are trying to show your WH the OPPOSITE of what he is expecting. Although you are a raging lunatic on the inside, you want to show someone cool and collected. The guys get told on here all of the time to act like James Bond. We should act like Jane Bond. Cool calm and collected, even as we are about to be sawed in half.

You also need to do some physical activities to get out the rage in you.

You are going to dazzle your WH with how you are able to be so calm while you are dealing with this and it is going to confuse him. He wants justifications of how horrible you are and when you act like this, you play into it. There is NO justification for him to have an affair. Don't play into his plan, implement yours(MB).

I got to say some stuff to Ow and Wh because I didnt find MB until a few months after Dday....It did make me feel better after, but I am sure it made any chance of R of my M impossible.

I'm not sure what you said, still, but I think a remorseful H would have given you lots of leeway to vent to the OW. Don't think that affected your R.

I agree. I doubt it's any worse than exposure, in the waywards mind, to say those things. I sometimes wish I had gotten the chance to.

Well she said that immediately on my leaving her house this afternoon she would call her and tell her that she needs to speak with her urgently and as such she needs to stop by after work.

I am going to send those pics to everone I can think of, I have already started but I swear I would love to see the expression on her face when her mother confronts her with them

I hope she is the kind of daughter that feels bad about making her parents disappointed in her, and not the kind that tells her mom to stay out of her life and that she has no business interfering....THEN her expression would be priceless.

Teaser,

So sorry you are here. I have been where you are - M 33years when my Dday came along. I didn't find MB soon enough and made many mistakes, so I did not save my M. Like you, I have a higher education than my XWH and most years paid more in taxes than he made. He always said it didn't bother him, but the OW in my case was a loser who looked up to him and put him on a pedestal. SHe was D'd a few times, had filed bankruptcy a few times and lived in poverty. He found no problem in spending the money that I made on her though.

Anywho, listen to this board. And continue to snoop. My XWH walked the walk and talked the talk for almost a whole year, and I thought we were recovered but he was still seeing her all along.

And I can understand about her being in your house. That is almost a bigger betrayal than the A itself. I suspected that the OW was in my house too, but I could never confirm it. That house is gone now, so I don't have to put up with any bad memories about that.

Hugs to you. Stay on the AD's to keep you calm. Read up on Plan A and Plan B. If you have to go to Plan B, be sure you stay dark. One of my big mistakes was not doing that and it lost the impact.

I am so sorry you are here....

NewP-Yes this is exactly what I am going through. Tomorrow I meet with her parents in-law, and so the exposure continues but it sure as heck don't take the place of the smackdown I would like to deliver to OW

teaser, adjust your focus to killing the affair, not OW. That may help a bit. To get to a recovered marriage and a GREAT MB style marriage, the affair needs to DIE. That is what the plans are for.

ok so I will take the advice that is being given by all you guys, I will continue to focus my energy on exposure.
My appointment with the counsellor should lead to something, please note though that I have actually made an appointment for myself, then we will take it from there. WH says that he will also make his own appointment(its with the same person).
But I have to tell you that I can't wait to make a trip so that I can purchase the VAR and the sim card reader, where do I buy that? because after reading chail's story, I swear I don't ever want to be caught with my pants down again.