Anyone else out there obsessing over what OP looks like? I have all of OW information from WH. I know her name, cell number, address, place of work and the kind of car she drives. I think I have found her on FB, though not convinced if it is her profile, there of course is no picture! I really don't know why I am obsessing over this so much, but it is driving me crazy. I only know what my WH has told me about her, but I can't picture her in my mind. Maybe that's a good thing? Our MC told me that women feel the need to compare and judge women on their looks, which unfortunately is the truth. Did any of you find yourselves in this position, if so what did you do?

Yeah, I am sure most of us here went throught that...I say you are better off not knowing, there is no good that can come out of it

1..you think shes prettier than you and it takes a stab at your self esteem

2..She is not good looking and you think, he cheated on me with her...what does that make me?

both scenarios, not good...Dont bother...

SH, those are my thoughts exactly! I know I am better off not knowing, but it is my obsession right now! I hate it! It will get better with time, I know! It has been only 4 weeks since D-day.

It will get better with time, I promise...just try to resist the urge...I was also obsessed, but I resisted and to this day still dont know...I Know she has dark curley hair, so for the longest time I looked at every attractive woman with dark curly hair and got sick to my stomach...

I actually met OW before the PA part of the A started. I saw her profile on myspace, saw photos, to include the nude ones, sent to my H's phone and computer. And two years post d-day, I have no idea what she looks like. I could pass her by on the street and never even know it. I don't worry about it because we live 1500 miles away now.

AM

Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying that! I found out the OW is 2 yrs older than me, has 4 kids, divorced, tall, skinny and of mixed race! So now everytime I see someone like that I get a sick feeling in my stomach, also. Life sucks right now!

AM, isn't it funny how quickly one can forget something like that? I suppose I would not want her picture etched in my memory! For that I am thankful!

I think it is partly due to my mental and physical reactions right after D-day. I have some strong memories, but otherwise, there is plenty I don't remember. I have no idea how I fed DS15. I think he ate, because he grew and didn't wither away. Some months, I have no idea how bills were paid, but I must have done it. In any case, I could care less about OW's appearance at this point.

AM

I wanted to know what the OW looked like because I never, ever wanted to be in the position of possibly having a nice chat with some woman who might be thinking, "I was with your H and you don't even know it."

Of course you are obsessing over this, this is a person who intruded into your world, emotionally raped you, tried to steal your family and ruin your life. It's hard to imagine someone so evil and you need to put a face to this vileness.

It's normal; I would say eventually this will pass. I am not an expert on this because like armymama, years ago I saw pics as well....however it's been so long that by now if it were she and I alone on a street corner I doubt I'd know it was her.

It does get better...I am assuming you are very early on in recovery; time really does help to heal all wounds.

(((hugs)))

Are you familiar with the post we often bump up for newbies to read, called "Joseph's Letter"?

You are looking for one particular piece to complete the puzzle.
Do not feel like you are weird, or obsessing.
This is normal.
You are needing a complete picture of the trauma that nearly ruined your life.
I sincerely hope that one day, you get this piece.

Take care.

I don't post on here too often, but I have read ALOT!! All of you have been my saviors, you are so wise and say things so eloquently. How can I ever repay you? I suppose one day I will be able to help someone out, but until that day comes, I just want to thank you all 100x over and over! This site is such a blessing, I just wish I would have found it earlier.

I couldnt bump josephs letter, but it is under notable posts if you look at the list of forums....

Isnt this place filled with wonderful caring people...I dont know where I would be without it...I wish I found it earlier too...I didnt find it until months after Dday.

I know what OW looks like, even met her before I knew what was going on. My consolation was that she's 14 yrs older than me (12 yrs older than WH), and it SHOWS. She's pretty enough, I guess, but I know I'm cuter than she is....and she's still a skank wh#re. It doesn't really help knowing - I would recognize her in a heartbeat but I never ever want to see her again in my life.

I looked on the internet for months, trying to find a photo of OW. Some days I spent hours, crawling around on every site I could think of. I only know how she looks by how my H described her. Here I am, 15+ months later, and if someone asked me if I wanted to see a picture of her I would fall all over myself getting to it.

I think it's like Pep said - it's a visual piece of the puzzle that we need to put together to make sense of the crime that was committed against us.

It's not so bad for me now. But like I said - I'd jump on seeing what she looked like in a heartbeat.

I have a horrible feeling that my WH OW is beautiful....and I dont know if I could handle it if I saw her...

In my case the OW was 15 years younger than I. I know she is outwardly physically attractive. However, she is ugly in her core. She is selfish, entitled, of low character and a bottomless pit of needs. There is no way she is more beautiful than I am.

AM

Yes, you are right armymama....Ugly on the inside comes out on the outside too....

Who is it on this forum that said that usually the OW is not as pretty as the wife? I know I read that somewhere.... So, keep faith in that!

She's not beautiful, still. YOU are. Her outward appearance is a brittle facade, covering a slimy, oozing mess. Picture it. Jelly-like, gassy, putrid bile.

Look at Jennifer Aniston. Look at Angelina Jolie. Beautiful women be most accounts, yes? Appearance is a very unreliable yardstick.

I keep going back to what my H said: It had nothing to do with OW looks. Zero. It was all about what she could give him. 100%.

When the A was starting to dwindle and my H was starting to come out of the fog, he & OW were in their break room at the office. (The A was not "out" so they were just sitting at a large table across from each other, with co-workers interspersed between them.) H said he sat there, looking at her, seeing the chipped nail polish that she was picking at, listening to her trash her BH - (rewriting her marital history and setting the stage for their 'split-up' dontcha know - this was before OWH exposed, obviously.) He was sickened. He thought she was tawdry, and realized what a beautiful woman I was. Now I'm no beauty queen, but this chick was considered attractive by people who would admit it to me, including H. (Her husband said she was "beautiful") But at that point, H thought she was ugly.

He said it was all about the "hits" she gave his addiction.