That's because here, people have seen literally thousands of people try different ways, and they know which way works. They know a lot about how those other ideas that are advised work out.

You can pick the advice you want to hear, or you can pick the advice with a proven track record of working. I don't know how much that does or does not have to do with your gonads, but I do know that if you read through a number of different threads here from people who have been where you have been, the one main thing that is ever different is the way people respond, and you can often use that to reliably predict how things are going to turn out.


For most of the people talking to you, it has turned out well indeed. Many of them have recovered marriages which are happy and healthy.

And some of us needed to be kicked in the pants hard enough to cause us to wake up to reality.

I am one of those whose marriage should not have been saved (I could argue that I should never have gotten married to this woman, but I did, and that's my responsibility).

The good people here helped me put my head on straight.

I'm in a minority, but if I can help someone else in a similar circumstance, I will.

I am often surprised how many (few?) people fail to read the welcome message that appears at the top of every page on this forum. It isn't long, but it is informative.

Here's a clue. Right from the source...

mckl, please don't try to find a way to live with the affair. Would you say that is what you are doing?

I'm always hesitant to use the word "stupid" because it implies that a person is mentally dull. That would be very incorrect assumption to make of the posters here.

You know and give tacit approval. I think that's the concern.

What approach would you prefer to take?

This program is very specific, so yes, if you're going to use the MB program - the site from which you have solicited advice, you'll get MB guidance. Many have embraced this program and followed it completely and have recovered their Ms. Many have chosen to pick & choose the 'easier' parts, or the 'gentler' parts, and have failed. Read the threads on here, mckl. Go back to previous posters - not the recovered ones. Go to the ones whose Ms failed, and chose to come back here to implore new posters to NOT do it like they did - to NOT pick and choose.

Now - that is not to say that every M has recovered using this program. Some M's won't make it and shouldn't. Check out Fred's thread. He did everything he could, but he couldn't control his xW's actions. Only she could. He is recovering himself now.

At the end of the day that's really all you can do. I hope your actions work for you and your family.

No Markos
Not living with the affair. Just deciding whether it's worth the fight.

You haven't fought the affair yet...

mckl,

The advice offered here, including exposure, Plan A, what that entails, Plan B and what that is all about and just about everything else that gets offered up around here is not the musings of a bunch of hurting people as much as it is the advice that is offered by Dr Willard F Harley Jr in his books and other work.

Surviving An Affair is the book that goes into the greatest detail about the way to attack an affair and keep the hope for recovery alive on the other side. Most of what has been suggested to you comes right from the pages of that book.

Now most of the folks offering advice here are not acting from seeing this stuff only on the pages of that book or even on these forums. They have in many cases followed the advice they are themselves now giving and some have in fact ended up with a restored marriage that is better than the one that was violated by the affair to begin with.

I am one of the people, mckl. My wife had checked out of the marriage, was in love with another man and wanted nothing at all to do with me. The materials on this site saved my marriage. So much so that my wife and I are about to attend training to use these materials in order to help other couples improve their marriages, hopefully without having to go through the crap we went through along the road to a marriage we BOTH are happy about and enjoy more than even when we were young and dumb...

The Marriage Builders way does not save every marriage...

Not following Marriage Builders methods saves far fewer...

The advice offered can't work if you won't follow it.

It might not work if you do, but if you don't it surely won't...

Mark

mckl,

Care to tell us what's going on?

Mark

Bumpin' it up...