My wife is 100% sure she wants a divorce and at this point I don�t see much hope. I have been lurking on this site for a few years but have never posted. My story is long but I will try to be concise.

Me-BS-35
WW-33
DS-13
DD-12
DD-7
Married 14 years

Several years ago, my wife expressed her dissatisfaction with our marriage and said she wanted a divorce. We went to our pastor who recommended we read HNHN. At that point, my wife wasn�t interested in meeting my needs or having her needs met by me. So we went to a MC. After 3 visits or so she had gotten past her desire for an immediate divorce and we seemed to be recovering. During this time I realized she had connected with several old male friends via facebook. One of those friends, she had started to talk to on the phone. I asked her to stop all contact with him and she agreed.

Over the last 3 years, our relationship has continued to bounce off the bottom. We would have times where we would connect, but mostly she kept me at bay. I have continued to make changes to myself to become a better husband and to meet her needs, but she was reluctant to give me feedback as to what EN�s I am not meeting and what LB�s I am committing.

In January she started talking about divorce again. I continued to try to Plan A but without success. I began to suspect an A and checked her phone records and found she was talking to OM several hours a day. He was 4000 miles away. I confronted her, and exposed to everyone. She moved out that night (Easter eve) and in with her mother. She said that it was just a friendship and had nothing to do with her leaving. Two weeks later, when she was at the house, I found the affair phone. After reading the texts, I confirmed that her feelings for him were sexual and that she thought he was her �soulmate�. I exposed again.

I continued to plan A, and a couple weeks later she moved home. However, she didn�t move home to work on the M. She would not talk about why she came home. My only guess is that she was directed to by a lawyer. For the last 5 or 6 weeks I have been trying to plan A, but I am horrible at it. I am needy and get into way too many relationship talks. She has hired a lawyer, but has not filed because she doesn�t yet have enough money.

About a week ago, I found out the guy moved to town and got a job working with my WW. It turns out a relative of his owns the company. WW says she has already divorced me in her heart and will not work on our M. She continues to call him and even meet up with him. I have been in 2 months of a not so great Plan A with no progress. Has anyone ever been this far gone and recovered their M?

Yes, there are plenty of stories on here where people have recovered their M after what you have gone thru....Welcome to MB...In my opinion it is time for you to move into Plan B...Your WW has been cake eating long enough...Wait for some more opinions and see what people think first...

Have you read up on Plan B?...Start getting your Plan B letter ready and an IM...Do the children know too?

Please hang in there! I'm no vet, but they will be along shortly.

And no....don't give up!

I have thought about moving to Plan B, but we live together. How do you accomplish this while in the same house? I am not leaving the house and she will not go. I have asked her to.I'm also not sure how long i am supposed to Plan A. I have heard 6 months. Does that start after exposure? If so its only been 2. I read that plan A only works 15% of the time. What is the percentages for Plan B? My thinking is that you should only go to Plan B if you are ready for plan D. Is this wrong?

Simply put; you can't.

It is quite possible a lawyer told her to get back in the house and work toward pushing you into leaving the house.

Is this guy married? Are you sure?

Have you contacted his employer/relative?

When you say you exposed, what do you mean? How vast?

Do your kids know? If they don't you need to tell them.

Does your state acknowledge adultery in divorce?

And DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME!!!!!!!


Six months is the maximum for Plan A...Most Plan As dont go for as long as that....Your WW already wants a D. Plan B is preparing you for a life without your WW, Preserving the love you have for WW and to protect you from her cake eating, foggy and selfish behavior...

chrisner- No this guy isn't married. I'm sure.
I haven't contacted the employer, but he knows. He was aware of the affair before he hired him.
I exposed to everyone on our side. My wifes family, our kids, my family, om's mom. All of the OM's friends locally know, because they are also WW's friends. Our state is no fault.

stillhere-
I feel like Plan B is giving up. I know it is more about protecting myself, but I can't help but feel finality in that step. I'm also worried because my plan A has been so bad - constantly pressuring and wanting results. I am still panicked and it hasn't helped. The other question is, how can I move to plan B if she doesn't leave?

Your #1 priority today is to make this adultery a nasty and uncomfortable place for WW and OM and the company owner.

Talk to him about alienation of affection suits. Tell him you will talk to a lawyer about harassment options.

Go and see this employer/relative today. Make your WW a very painful and expensive choice for OM. Most OM's do not want to pay a very high price for their "sole mate".

Tell your kids the truth and the whole truth today. None of that "Mommy and Daddy are having some trouble" crap.

Only you can quality control your own Plan A. So fix it.

A lot of people here can pump sunshine up your wazoo about how salvagable a marriage in the condition yours is but the truth is yours is in dire condition. Death bed condition.

You must act today to fight for your marriage and children.

Fix your Plan A today.
Put pressure on the adultery and specifically the OM today. Promise to bring him hell and then deliver on the promise.
Tell your kids today.

Edit: I see you answered some of this while I posted. Let me review.

Plan B is not giving up....Its your best chance to save your M. It is also cutting your WW from her cake eating, by doing this you are putting pressure on the A.....She is getting her way right now...needs being met by you and OM. Shes had it easy and that needs to stop very soon.

Now the getting her out of the house thing....I am hoping someone can help you with that, another BH maybe or someone with more legal knowledge...But you are not leaving that house, you and your children are not leaving!!!....

Okay, listen to Chris...he is saying to continue Plan A for now.

Chris - Sadly my state does not have AOA laws. I have enquired about legal action against the company and was told i had nothing. Every part of me wants to track the guy down and beat the piss out of him, but that will obviously not help in any way. So I am open for ideas about making his life hell. I have let him know that he will be drug into court if she files. I don't think he's worried about it.

You can't Plan B in the same house. It just can't work.

My concern is that her plan is to get you to leave the house and move OM in as he just recently moved there.

As long as you are together in the same house you have to be in Plan A. But it can't go on forever. If she flaunts her adultery in your face you will have to go to Plan B but she must be the one to go even if you have to pack her and deliver her stuff to her mothers.

Read again about Plan A. Mark's entry to the newly betrayed thread is excellent.

Mark's Plan A Basics

Her returning home was a pre-conceived plan to get you out of the house and OM in.

You got no support from anyone from your exposure?

How are the kids taking this?

I would make that visit to the employer and OM.

How do you know?
Was he married?
Does he have kids?

What do you know about him?



Did you tell them you love your wife and ask them to help you save your marriage any way they could?

pack her bags while she is at work.

write your plan B letter.

Change the locks to the house!!

LOCK HER OUT!!!!

Go see a lawyer!

Sapphire,

I know in my state you can't just change the locks to get someone out. You have to issue them a 30 notice to vacate the premises.

I guess I would start with a lawyer and find out how to vacate her from the premises legally if he wanted to move onto plan B.

Yeah, thats a good idea Eluna......

OK go see a lawyer THEN change the LOCKS!

If it were only that easy.

You missed your window of opportunity when she moved out. You should have filed for legal separation/divorce then. Either way, I would make boundaries with her living in the marital home. I would track her phone and GPS her car and call her out an all contact. Let her know contact will not be allowed as long as she is living in the house with you. This might drive her out of the house again. You need to be the police for NC and interfere everytime OM meets up with your WW. I would pay OM a face to face meeting with some of your friends and issue him a STERN WARNING to stay the hell away from your wife. I would also see if your WW's parents would give OM hell for breaking up their daughter's marriage. Make your WW no longer worth OM's while. I would keep a voice activated digital recorder with you wherever you go. Get OM to say something stupid to you, threatening you, and slap a restraining order to keep him away from you and your children. Fight a smart and tactical fight. Get with a lawyer and strategize ways of getting your WW kick out of the house and OM to not be allowed anywhere near your kids.