My wife and I have been married almost 12 years now, and have four beautiful kids. Just 3 weeks ago I found out that there is another man in her life. I was cleaning out my daughter's drawer and she(w)told me that she had to go to the bathroom, thinking nothing out of the unusual, I continued my work as i was going around my room i saw the cordless phone on the floor, it was off but since it was late i checked it to see if my son(14) was still using it. To my surprise i heard a man on the other end whispering passionate things and on the other end i was surprised to hear my wife! I was devastated after this event and left the house to do some thinking. I kept asking myself why this happened? Later on i found out from her that she felt a deep emptiness inside her, I wasn't fulfilling her emotional needs... and at the time i was gone someone else took my place. I admit that i have indeed been selfish and self-centered, not thinking of her as my priority. Unfortunately i learned this the hard way. Ever since then, my w and i has promised each other that we are both back 100% not only for ourselves but also because of the kids. But due to this event things have not been the same with me ever since, i was very suspicious still with her, i would check her e-mail, call her several times during the day at work just to see what she is doing, i even got to the extent of buying a microcassette recorder and used it once(1) only. I was following my instincts, because although i knew i was back in the relationship she still had the other person in her mind because maybe, when i found out about her secret second life she got upset more than remorseful. I know now reading from Dr.Hillary and Dr. Chalmers book that my suspicions are LoveBusters that tend to withdraw accounts from the LoveBank than make deposits. Thus, the result my wife felt she was giving all for nothing, and just last week i found a phone card in her and that she called him more than 10 x she said that she was asking him if she made the right choice since being back with me still i have been suspicious. Kind of ironic... I hope she is not re-establishing herself with him. We are both going to counselling this week. Any insights and replys would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

i can't be comforting, but i can tell you it took my H over a year to end it with his OW (read butterfly's topic on confronting the OW for a recap). It is supposed to be really hard for them to give up the affair when it was not just allowed to die a natural death, so just hang on, three weeks is nothing. <BR>im sorry you are having to deal with this...

love Was Blind,<BR>One year seems rather long - why is it that we as innocent partners have to suffer because of lack of communication? this i ask myself everday. If this is true then love is truly blind, thanks for your support. I pray for all fellow innocent spouses.<P>------------------<BR>

Braveheart,<BR>I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to hear someone telling your W what he wants to do to her. It's even harder hearing it from your W. If you think that something is still going on, it probably is. Do whatever it takes to win back your W. It is going to take alot of time, patience, and soul searching on your part to find out what it was to drive her to him. If it is worth it to you, do it.<P>------------------<BR><BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<BR>

Remember the saying "It takes years to build trust and only a few minutes to destroy it". I, too, am constantly checking my H's emails, phone cards, paper shredder, etc because I feel the same way you do. Dont feel badly about it, after all they created it.

Remember the saying "It takes years to build trust and only a few minutes to destroy it". I, too, am constantly checking my H's emails, phone cards, paper shredder, etc because I feel the same way you do. Dont feel badly about it, after all they created it.

Remember the saying "It takes years to build trust and only a few minutes to destroy it". I, too, am constantly checking my H's emails, phone cards, paper shredder, etc because I feel the same way you do. Dont feel badly about it, after all they created it.