She is the one that came to me, what did you want me to ignore her? When she needed help? I know I am still new but that doesn't mean you can tell me that I can't help her.

and btw every time we talk I always mention to post what she just told me so she can get other feed back not just mine. I am also encouraging her to meet those top 5 needs to her husband.

SO what is it? Is it because I have only posted 229 posts on MB that I don't have any say of my opinion?

I think he needs to feel apreciated, he needs conversation, understanding,that his opinions matter, that he is my equal, acceptance, admiration..... recreational stuff as well.....

I have been talking to him asking his opinion on stuff, asking him to show me how to do stuff praising him for doing it for me, telling the kids how well he does things, asking to help me teach my son things that I dont know how to do!
When he comes to do wash I offer to help.... I always ask him about his day and how he is doing... trying to get him to do things with us as a familly.... did you read my last posts of activites we did together?

Other than that Im not sure what to do!

What are you refering to the stealing of the pohne suggestion or the sending him texts everymorning?

You have helped me quite alot! At the end of the day all you have done is encourage me! I am gratefull.....

Sapphire, just a week ago you were recommending that she Plan B her husband. Now you're on the Plan A band wagon.
I'm just not sure you have enough experience to be making these emphatic recommendations.

I'm glad you are here -- and I am glad you are encouraging Lisa.

*I* am uncomfortable with the idea of you advising Lisa off-board. That is just my opinion, and I tried to put it out there without offending you.

Lisa -- you've identified some of them. Have you read Dr. Harley's list?

He also gives some pretty good recommendations on how to meet those needs.

I don't think she is revering to any of those things, she is revering to the fact that you call me and she thinks I am giving you bad advise, over the phone or something. I don't know, actually good question to ask.

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I do remember saying to go into plan B, but that was because emotionally she couldn't handle it, (she slit her wrists remember?) now that she has meds to calm herself down, and to go into a GOOD plan A. I think she is doing an amazing job this week! Keep it up girl!

Sapphire --

It was my impression that your advice is so passionate and so direct that it would be easy for you to sway Lisa in a direction that might not be best. Lisa is very vulnerable right now...

If I go back to the beginning of this thread you were advocating her seeing a lawyer and FAST, then to having her WH move back in ASAP, and that Plan B was the ONLY CHANCE to save her marriage.

Its all over the place, and that was within 24 hours.

I will re-read those artcles but I have been asking him to take me on the motorcycle and teach me how to ride it.... do you think thats good because it combines recreational with admiration!

Everyone should see a lawyer to protect themselves who wouldn't? My husband did it, he said the only reason why is to protect himself, so you are saying seeing a lawyer is a bad idea when your WS is cheating? and wanting to leave?

I did say move him back in, I thought she kicked him out, then when I found out HE left and she was emotionally distressed I mentioned plan B, especially hearing she had slit her wrists.

And BTW I wasn't the ONLY person saying Plan B was a good idea...thank you very much!

I am glad Lisa has a good hold on Plan A, she has her meds to keep her calm and sleep at night, she is thinking smart, and that is exactly what she should be doing.

I will re-read those artcles but I have been asking him to take me on the motorcycle and teach me how to ride it.... do you think thats good because it combines recreational with admiration!

I think that's great! Spend as much time with him as possible in order to work your plan A, ask him out for lunches, ask him to help you practice on the bike the more you feed him his EN's the more he will see how much he is missing!

Go to the top of this page and click the basic concepts.
Then go to Emotional Needs. Read all of the articles on how to meet ENs!!

I did forget he was quite clear that one of his TEN was physical attractiveness.....
I did join the gym and have lost 33 lbs sooo now I have to concentrate on the other items

Sapphire -- I only used those examples to point out how contridictory they all were -- in the course of a few hours.
I'm not saying that any one thing was bad, its just inconsistant.
Lisa is very vulnerable, and you'd have her spinning in circles.

Lisa --
Motorcycle Riding is an AWESOME way to meet EN's! You get to snuggle up behind him, and show affection. You get to admire his abilities, and you get to share an activity that you could both have fun with!

He told me that if we ride its just as friends! I will ignore the comment and ask for rides anyways!

Way to go on the weight loss! Do you have a goal?

Lets just break these down one by one.


Affection
Affection is the expression of care. It symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval -- vital ingredients in any relationship. When one spouse is affectionate toward the other, the following messages are sent:

You are important to me. I will care for you and protect you.

I'm concerned about the problems you face and will be there for you when you need me.

Learn to be more affectionate
A simple hug can say those things. And there are many other ways to show our affection: A greeting card or an "I love you" note; a bouquet of flowers; holding hands; walks after dinner; back rubs; phone calls; and conversations with thoughtful and loving expressions. All of these can effectively communicate affection.

Affection is, for many, the essential cement of a relationship. Without it, many feel totally alienated. With it, they become emotionally bonded. If you feel terrific when your spouse is affectionate, and you feel terrible when there is not enough of it, you have the emotional need for affection.

How did you do with this one? Do you think he had any complaints? This is a great place for text messages. Thoughtful positive thinking-of-you types of messages.

hehehe -- just friends! WHATEVER WH!
Snuggle right up to him and hold on tight!