Good job on the exposure!! Yes, for FB, just click the "send a message" link. DId you hit all the FB friends that look like relatives???

Re the postnup ~ I think this is what you referring to. It is SMB's list of requirements for her H to come home and she set the bar VERY high...and they have recovered their M.


In addition to the above...re: the counseling...I would highly recommend coaching with Steve Harley as one of your requirements for your H to come home. Literally give him the number and tell him to talk to you after he has had a session. We have gone through 2 yrs of a rocky recovery and working with Steve was an incredible help (wish we just did it to begin with!). He doesn't take any wayward bullcrap.

Post nups are also called reconciliation agreements.

They are basically a pre-packaged divorce orders. You can address things like alimony, possesions, the house, cars, bank accounts, credit card bills.

Basically if you walk you could require him to pay you alimony, you get the house or whatever you need to feel safe with the recovery process. YOU NEED TO FEEL SAFE FOR RECOVERY TO WORK. If you dont feel safe you cant trust him.

One thing a post nup cant do for you is child custody. Child support and custody can NOT be predetermined.

I hope I didn't take the FB exposure thing too far. I just got a call from the police!!! Asking if I called her phone. I said I txt her last night bcause she was having an affair w/my husband. Police said if I continue to call her they will have no choice but to file harrassment charges.

I tried reverse phone lookup and it is a landline but information unavailable.

Does anyone think this is a REAL police call.

My mind was too scattered to re-ask the "trooper's" name. I should have. I was really thrown off.

So once her FB friends tell her about the message I sent them, I'll be writing from jail!!!!

I don't think police officers makes phone calls to people like in your situation, guarantee she had one of her friends do it to sound official.

You wont be put in jail by letting all her friends know that she is a lying WH0RE. I think your safe on that.

Another option, if your husband isn't willing to talk to Steve, is DB- divorcebusting.com, which is coaching for only one partner, the one that is willing to do things differently. They helped me come up with a plan to approach my H. It made a major positive difference in how we interacted.

1 call does not meet the standard for harassment. You would have to continually call the number over and over.

BTW expect a threat of libel or slander. Just ignore it because the truth is a perfect defense. You can say anything you want about someone else as long as its true.

BTW id consider carrying around a VAR with you. You can record conversations with your WH or anyone else that calls. That way you can PROVE what was said.

I wouldnt take the threat serious. Its just the exposure wearing them down and they are grasping at straws.

BTW I agree that its probably a buddy faking for her. If it was the police they did it just to shut her up. If they had taken the complaint seriously they would knock on your door.

You can always go to the police station if you wanna find out. Or hire a PI to do it for you.

Keep up the good work.

Steve will also do individual coaching for one partner....

Keep these texts and any others ~ as this is proof you aren't harassing her if she is having an exchange with you. Also they will refute any libel/slander case she may try to make since they verify that she was having an A with your H. Better yet, even forward them to a friend to have as backup for safekeeping.

Probably best to keep any further communications with OW in writing (texts) so that she can't say you threatened her, etc.

Guess what??? IT WAS THE POLICE. I called the police barracks to see if they could tell me if that was one of their numbers they use and he said YES !!! OMG !!!!!!!!! Weak plan B again -- I was furious with WH. What has he gotten us into. OW has to be psycho.

Oh, and here's another one ... he called her to break it off ... he told her he wrote me a letter and OW said she didn't know why she didn't get a letter ??????? PLEASE -- she doesn't deserve the dog crap off of my shoe!

Then, here's the kicker --- OW called WH to say she was pressing charges for me putting the stuff on facebook (I messaged 2 of her friends -- one was someone I knew and the other was her adult niece-in-law) No lies, only the truth. a copy of someone's on this board. I am sure she is slamming me on there right now. I don't even have a facebook acct -- I only opened one to look her up to see if she said anything about WH. SO >>> WHAT ARE WE SEEING HERE??? HE TOOK HER CALL!!!! After 2million times I told him she has NOTHING to say to her. Why pick up the phone?? Again, plan B failure -- I ferociously tore into him on that one.

He says he is sleeping in a tent tonight in the yard. I feel like hanging a banner that says "honk if you hate infidelity". He is respecting that I don't want him in the house, but he won't leave our premisis.

I'm glad there's internet in jail so I can keep in touch with all of you. Can you believe the police have nothing else to do in this crazy town but to call me for 2 texts???

It doesn't normally work that way. I suspect a 'pseudo' cop, here.

Friends in the police dept where I live say the following: When a person feels harassed, they go to the police station to file a report. The police have got WAY too much 'more important things' to deal with than a text message. If they dealt with every text that pissed someone off our banks would be robbed dry. The 'harassed' person is instructed to keep a record of every harassing call. Only if there is evidence of continued harassing contact will they contact the 'harasser.'

Most police depts will turn away a person with just one text message and tell them to keep track of the calls/texts.

If they are purporting to be a cop they could be up on charges of impersonation, I would think.

"If they are purporting to be a cop they could be up on charges of impersonation, I would think."

Next time a "cop" calls get his name and badge number and dept name.

But it WAS a phone number of the the state police. My only other guess is she has a friend that is police? If so , that's wrong. Whatever ...

Still did we catch that WH took her call? Also I asked him what does she have that he can't stay away from OW ... his answer "I don't know" ... Not an "I can stay away" or something like that.

I hope he likes that tent, he's going to be there a long time.

I am going to my parents this weekend and my brother is insisting that I tell them now. I know I have to, but I can't imagine they will be supportive of me trying to reconcile.

Maybe I'm not feeling supportive of it now either ... too many lies keep surfacing...

Finish your exposure...then tell your H he has been exposed... Stick with the plan!

Did you tell your boys? There is a poster here, tst, who has talked about his children asking him about his A and how that helped him to wake up.

plan B just doesnt seem to be working how I had thought. Last night WH slept in a tent in our yard. I was hoping he would be elsewhere. We do have almost no contact though. He is acting miserable. I told him maybe we could talk a little tonight.

After Dday #1, I really wanted to make this work
Now after Dday #2 -- I am so very angry that I just want to throw in the towel. I think to myself that he had EVERY chance imaginable to tell me the truth ... now we are in a BAD, BAD situation.

Do I really want to live my life acting as an investigator every day? Do I really want to wonder where my H is every time he leaves the house? Do I really want to wonder if she's called him? Do I really want to listen to his words and assume every one is a lie? i just can not believe how many lies he has told over the past 14 months. It is sickening.

So much of me just wants to try to take my kids and start fresh.

I have not told my kids, however, part of the requirements for him to come back home and try is he has to confess and apologize to our families and children.

Plan B is for your personnel recovery. It keeps your love bank intact so the continued A doesn't drain it completely.

Dont believe his words. If he is acting misrable. He needs to show you actions.

Just like we couldnt tell our WS that we changed. We had to SHOW them. Same for us.

My H offered to write a post-nup and ours basically says that if he ever had another A I get everything ~ both houses, both cars, half of his 401k (he had written it up that I get all of his 401 K but we were advised that a judge would never allow for this so he changed it). I also get half of his salary for as long as he is working...and some other things, I forget what.

I don't know the legality of relinquishing C with your kids. I'm not sure you would want that for them anyways, despiete what a POS he is currently.

You are effing up your PB big time. I've always said and I stand by an effed up PB is worse than no PB at all and here is why:

You keep telling him you will have NC with him and then...you have contact with him!

You say you can't believe a word he says and guess what? He can't believe a word you say either because you aren't standing by it.

Please stop this. You are screwing up your chances of any sort of a reconciliation horribly.

Not only that but by continuing this insanity you are losing that little sliver of love you had left. Your children deserve better than the half-*ssed shot you are giving at trying to save this.

Sorry to be harsh but I know what a good PB looks like and I also know what a good PB does for recovery.

When you are ready to go to a full, pitch-dark PB let me know and I can tell you what I did and what you can do to get into a real PB so that you can have a shot at recovery.

That is NOT enforceable. The court ALWAYS researves the right to decide what is in the best interest of the child. You can NOT preset child support or custody.

In my state child support is done on a basic calculator. Its required by law to be that way. THe judges can tweak the inputs (deeming income if one party isnt working) but thats about it.

FB!!! Your poor children!!! What must they be thinking, with Daddy sleeping in a tent in the back yard??? Please - you MUST tell them!

Also, I can't for the life of me figure out what Plan you're in - Plan Tent?? Sister, sister, sister! He needs to move his butt to the Motel Six pronto, or agree to your terms. You're teaching him that he can remain in contact with his 'old life' and eventually weasel his way back in.