Ok...I'm sure this post is going to be wildly unpopular but so be it.

I agree with RMJ. She very elegantly put into words what I have been feeling for weeks now in regards to NP's situation.

Listen, I believe in the MB program. I believe in the concepts, plans, etc. or I wouldn't even be here.

That said, are we a bunch of lemmings blindly following the leader off a cliff? I've heard great things about Steve Harley and I believe that he is very good at what he does...but, is he perfect? Does he make mistakes? Does he assess a situation or person incorrectly from time to time? Of course he does. We all do. Nobody is perfect. Dealing with waywards is incredibly difficult and unpredictable.

Without a delivery looming I would be cheering NP along like everybody else and telling her to follow Steve's advice. Honestly, I feel a little disappointed that Steve has not counseled NP to look after herself the next few weeks and re-visit the recovery of the marriage down the line after the birth. I still believe that the health and well being of NP and lil bean are more important then the marriage.

Uh oh....here comes Still with a bat in her hand....

I thought she should boot him out and go to Plan B after his backslide when he first came home. That didn't happen, so, okay. At this point she's got what she's got. My thoughts are for NP to maintain the status quo, only because I think going to Plan B right now would be more disruptive to her state of mind than to stay with what she's currently doing.

I wonder if that's not Steve's thinking.

It's hard enough for anyone to enter Plan B under normal circumstances. It's really hard for someone to do it twice. And on top of being pregnant with imminent delivery??

I heard Dr. and Mrs. Harley on the radio show one day talking about timing a Plan B (I think?) until after some important event like a child's graduation; that may be similar thinking here. Of course a graduation is obviously a billion times less stressful and serious than giving birth!

And as long as she is maintaining the status quo, I think she should allow her WH to bond with the baby for the baby's sake.

Just kidding mindshare....

I just think that WH has put all the undue stress on NP...Hes the one, not Steves Plan....JMHO.

I am not a doctor, nor play on on TV, but I have had two children. I know the delivery room atmoshphere is very, very important to both the mom and the newborn.

They teach this at lamaze, and many proactive hospitals are looking into birthing rooms and alternative processes, (really, sitting/rolling on a yoga ball in my mother's time? ohmegawd!)

NP needs to create an envoronment that SHE will find the most supportive. It the turd can be of help to her (more help than stress of him not being there) she should consider his involvement.

Maybe he can be there on a conditional basis - as long as he is suportive and helpful he can stay -- if not OUT you go to the waiting area. This has to be all laid out upfront.

He also can wait with the other family in the waiting room. There is nothing carved in stone stating he needs to be in the room with the delivering mom. I know how I would feel about it.

His removal foom NP delevery may get it through his head that he is not privvy to parts of her life right now, I mean that in a polite way....

But that is not important.

NP can do this. I know she can. BUT she needs a plan.

Gosh, I logged on here to post a quick updated before leaving for work and there were so many new responses!

Let me start off by saying - I have never heard a Canadian call it anything but pop. My 2 yr old calls it pop.

Secondly, re WH.....well, tbh, if Steve hadn't advised me differently, I would be in a very, very dark Plan B right now. You all know how hard this has been on me, and I am STILL very cautious and leery about WH's motives. He seems to be improving, but there are so many setbacks that it's really hurting my confidence. AT THE SAME TIME, I know he really likes Steve, and has a lot of confidence in him. Since he's talked to Steve directly, and probably a lot more honestly and openly than he has with me, I am willing to bet that Steve sees things in him I don't. And THAT is the reason for his advice. And while it may seem contrary to instinct Steve has saved thousands of marriages. I put faith in THAT, not following him blindly off a cliff.

Next - the stunning twist of events. WH sent the NC letter last night. After he sent it, I asked him to open his texts and emails to show me that he hadn't just sent her a letter disregarding it (I have passwords but I wanted it there and then, not givinghim time to hide it). He did....and would you believe, in his inbox, and apparently my work one, OW HAD SENT A NC LETTER HERSELF!! MB'S NC LETTER!!! Now, this bothers me for a couple reasons - a) it was sent a couple hours before, so what, did WH see it and then think, "OK well I guess now I'll do MY NC letter....". He says not, but who knows???? the timing is just TOO suspicious and coincidental, and b) wtf????? OW is using MB???? I had mentioned this site to OW H when we first talked, but I had no idea that they were USING it now.....

I don't know, it bothers me. Thoughts?

If OW and OWH are using MB, that can only be good news NP!
Because this is the most successful program for recovering marriages. I hope that both WH and OW buy into this program wholeheartedly.

I think you are right to be suspicious. Keep any snooping methods in place. Trust but Verify.

Okay, well, my thoughts.....I dont think it matters WHY wh is sending the NC letter right now...point is he agreed to do it and NOW if OWH and OW are using MB...Well I think that is good news for your M...

I would not let the reasons bother you right now...to me it seems like its a good thing either way....

Wow! WH is such a manipulating little weasel. I believe he only sent it because he received one from her.

That said, this could be a very big turning point and a positive development although I'm sure it makes you feel like 'second choice'. If OW has no longer made herself an option then perhaps WH will finally get his head of out his @ss and start doing this recovery the right way.

Let's hope that is the case.

LOL, well at least you know SHE wont contact him anymore, so in reality you not only have ONE "no contact" letter, but you have TWO! Your husband and from the OW, now that's what I call "being safe"

Good luck on the baby NP!

Questionable motives aside, this could be a good step. Keep an eye on things, and see how it goes.

Keep an eye out here, too. If OW shows up here, it would not be good for you and/or WH to continue to post.

If you do find them, I WOULD NOT let on that you recognized them, or give even OWH any clue about your posting here or knowing if they post here.

AP's blech!

Woo-hooo! First things first: Your WH sent the NC letter! It doesn't matter why. Second. I, personally, have always hoped my H's OW and OWH never used this site. It's MINE, dammit! I earned it! Selfish, I know. But that's how I feel.

Having said that - I did suggest the site to OWH and he showed no interest. Said they were "doing just fine" - keep in mind they've apparently just gone back to "the way they were before" so good luck to him on that. I'm glad they're not on here.

I agree with everything written.
Even the "blech".

What happens when both APs are post to this forum ... or maybe a BW and OW or vice versa?

I'm sure it's happened in the past, and I can imagine it's gotten ugly.

c) he somehow got her the text of the letter ahead of time and said "I'm going to have to send you this, for now, and if you could send me something similar it would look great." ???

I thought that, too, but why bother having her do one, too? Wouldn't it have been a little more like "Hey, I'm going to send you this, but just ignore it" ?

I suppose it's a good step that now there are two NC letters. I just feel...ripped off, I guess, because I do feel like maybe he only sent it because she did. And it looks silly, sending her back the exact same letter - like it's lost half its impact. I don't know. Perhaps this is me being super hormonal and sensitive right now...

However, that being said, I suppose it's good that they are following MB too. It will truly save their marriage and I told OW H that before too.

I just hope neither of them shows up on this forum, especially OW.

I'd be interested to know this too....has it ever happened???

NP,

I agree that I was concerned about Steve H.'s advice as well, initially. At this point, I believe it was Mind Share or RMJ, or both, that said it may be treading water advice due to the delivery of the little one coming in the next few days/weeks.

If you take a look at hospital delivery rooms now days, they are like very nice hotels rooms. The lamaze is supposed to be very helpful to both mom and baby during the birth. All of this is for consideration of the mom and baby. I think that says a lot for priorities at this time for everyone, with or without M issues.

I may be hit with a 2x4 here, but here is my 2 cents. When you call Steve, you are reaching out to save your M. This is the goal. Thus, in this context, his advice is consistent with that goal. It should be your goal, IMHO, at this time, to delivery a healthy, happy baby with the minimal stress on both. Thus, perhaps all this M stuff needs to wait.

I agree that the little one will not, and should not, help WH turn a corner, that is WH's decision and responsibility.

NP, everything that is happening is a little too convenient in the timing with the birth. I don't believe you will really know WH's true intentions until well afterward.

Again, you and the little ones, top priority, everything else comes secondary.

All the best,

ba