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[WW (Me)- 38 "A Crazy Irish Chick work in progress". Some days look bright, and others really dark...
BH (ELCamino)- 38 A perfect dude, who loves a crazy Irish chick. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am running out the door, I have more to say when I get back!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am running out the door, I have more to say when I get back! Melodylane, Oh,Oh!!! Should I be worried? Am I going to received a 2X4? I knew I should have been sleeping at 5am! I should have left the nonsense behind.... 
FWW (Me)- 39 Rizos
FBH (ELCamino)- 39
DD 8, DD 6
D-Day 8Jul2009
Working on trying to get a second chance. Plan A!
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I'll try to stay strong, and see how I can POJA to talk, and visit my sis without love busting. It really is a very emotional issue for me... No 2x4's from me! Just remember that the point of POJA is to negotiate a solution that makes you both happy. You are not handing him veto power, Rizos. It means he has to work with you to find a solution that satisifies you both. That is different from "asking permission." Since this is so volatile, can you ask your coach to help you negotiate this so you don't end up in a fight? i think you are doing so much better taking his feelings into account. That is progress!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Just remember that the point of POJA is to negotiate a solution that makes you both happy. You are not handing him veto power, Rizos. It means he has to work with you to find a solution that satisifies you both. That is different from "asking permission." Thanks, ML. I just don't think that POJA works when my younger sis is the subject. It's like a No-No subject for H. Plus, Dr. Harley recommended no contact with sis. That to me sounded VERY unfair. What happened with POJA!!! It's just very unfair, she had nothing to do with my behavior change or affair. Anyway, I have to change the subject, I'm starting to get VERY upset!! I'll keep my cool though...  ,  ,  , 
FWW (Me)- 39 Rizos
FBH (ELCamino)- 39
DD 8, DD 6
D-Day 8Jul2009
Working on trying to get a second chance. Plan A!
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ElCamino is very sad right now. He had a fight "by phone" during the morning with a company coworker that upset him a lot. Anytime that this happens, I have to be prepared! I asked him what I could do to help him, or if I had done something to bother him (made a face), but didn't say anything. I asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone, and he said yes. I can't touch him or anything... I just don't know what to do to make him feel better. Should I just stay quiet? Leave him alone? I just don't know... I'm very confused! Plus to make matters worst, yesterday was the anniversary of the discovery of the affair. Help!
FWW (Me)- 39 Rizos
FBH (ELCamino)- 39
DD 8, DD 6
D-Day 8Jul2009
Working on trying to get a second chance. Plan A!
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I'm very confused! Plus to make matters worst, yesterday was the anniversary of the discovery of the affair. Help! oh wow! That is a very tough time for any BS. But he got through it pretty good, it seems. I would just be as positive as possible, Rizos, and play it by ear. You are doing great by being so considerate of his feelings. Keep up the good work! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I would just be as positive as possible, Rizos, and play it by ear. Ok, I'll do that... Thanks
FWW (Me)- 39 Rizos
FBH (ELCamino)- 39
DD 8, DD 6
D-Day 8Jul2009
Working on trying to get a second chance. Plan A!
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Rizos,
But even then he will have days when he will be sad, feel hurt, abandoned and lonely, even though you didn't do a thing to make him think of the affair. It happens sometimes, but it passes and if your attitude is one of comforting him and supporting him and showing him that you care about his feelings and emotions and pain then he will bounce back faster and recover better and heal more quickly and get back to meeting your ENs.
Mark OMG, Mark, this couldn't be 'truer'. I'm starting to come out of the fog, and understanding what you guys meant. Just days ago it was hard for him (D-day anniversary), and he was distant, sad, etc. Like you said he will have good days, and bad days and I need to understand that. This time, instead of me acting out, I tried to remain calm (Melodylane help me with that). I asked him what he needed, how he was feeling, if he needed anything, etc..., and when he said that he want it to just be alone, I gave him the space he needed. The fact that I was supportive, instead of whining, did help him to bounce back faster. :), I'm happy that today, he is feeling better!!!! Thanks for your help...
FWW (Me)- 39 Rizos
FBH (ELCamino)- 39
DD 8, DD 6
D-Day 8Jul2009
Working on trying to get a second chance. Plan A!
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I don't make announcements, I make polite requests. It's not, I'm going to the store, but do you want to go to the store with me. Or I need to get a new lawn mower blade, do you mind if I go now, do you need anything while I'm out, etc.
Ask, don't tell. EE, I'm working on this, trying to ASK first!!! I'm doing better, but I still have a long way to go... Thanks for your help...
FWW (Me)- 39 Rizos
FBH (ELCamino)- 39
DD 8, DD 6
D-Day 8Jul2009
Working on trying to get a second chance. Plan A!
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Rizos,
Have you told your parents about your affair yet?
Have you told them the real reason you guys were thinking of relocating?
Or are you expecting El Camino to lie there bleeding and take that bullet too? How do you think he feels having to take the "blame" for you guys moving away and having to cover up the truth of your affair at the same time?
Marriages thrive on honesty. They die if there is dishonesty at their core. You are asking El Camino to be your accomplice in this crime against your marriage. It will kill you both, emotionally. Turtlehead, I'm glad I told my relatives about the affair, it was really killing both of us. You were right, I also spoke with his mom. His parents have been very supportive...
FWW (Me)- 39 Rizos
FBH (ELCamino)- 39
DD 8, DD 6
D-Day 8Jul2009
Working on trying to get a second chance. Plan A!
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Rizos. Please tell me your sister didn't say something this stupid and anti-marriage??? �[�] I don�t agree with your decision since REAL love must have NO conditions. [�] I�m still going to be your sister and I�ll be here unconditionally [...]�. Did you set her straight about this nonsensical, anti-marriage sentiment? If she thinks like that, then she is no friend to marriage. How did you handle this, Rizos? How have you protected EC from this kind of dangerous loony thinking?? If my sister said something so dumb, I would be explaining why real love DOES have conditions and if there are no conditions, then you won't be in love for long! There is no such thing as "unconditional love." She should read this: What�s Wrong with Unconditional Love
by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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