To call Dr Pepper "Coke" is one of the greatest insults of all time. :P

Any chance your WH has an affair phone?

I agree. Make mine a Dr Pepper.

Make mine a single malt Scotch...

Neat...

Maybe a double...

It's one of those days where I don't know if I should get a bottle in front of me or a frontal lobotomy...

Mark, did you pick a bad week to quit drinking?

(If so, you really should try a Dr Pepper. It would probably fix what's wrong with most northerners...)

I had a Pepsi for lunch on Friday and still feel bloated. I generally drink unsweetened tea, black coffee or water (a nice Cabernet or Merlot or Zinfandel can be good when my wife and I are in for the evening). I really don't like Coke (or Pepsi or Dr Pepper or soda or pop...)

And work is that two days before taking a few days off thing that always seems to occur whenever I decide to cash in some vacation time. I have to finish stuff I have been trying to get to for a month and be sure nothing is left for anyone else to do because no matter what comes up it will be here waiting for me when I get back on next Wednesday. Things that were put off from last fall are also the most important things my boss needs done before I leave (like I'm gonna be gone forever or something)

On top of that, I'm trying to get my homework for our class this weekend in St Louis done, do technical trouble shooting for the church via telephone (with technophobes on the other end of the line- "Ah, what's that? Do you mean the red one? The one on the big black thingy, right?") and schedule a meeting with our pastor before we leave on Thursday morning to talk about the class we're going to and a new project he asked me to look into for the church as well as the stuff for the two meetings I will miss while we're gone.

Sorry for the tj...

Back on my head...

<Weeping and gnashing of teeth>

Mark

So they call Pepsi Coke, too? *snicker* Up here it's just pop, but then we're awfully close to Canada.

Although this may wind up holding together with chewing gum and sticky tape till after the birth, I doubt if that's more than a fraction of WH's motivation. If he leaves right after the birth, I think it has a lot more to do with this A not being over yet, and him trying to walk both sides of the fence.

Even if he hasn't been in contact, and I suspect he has at least some, he is still holding desperately to his wayward mindset.

When he is truly repentant, he will:

Be willing to do anything and everything to help you heal.
Press forward with his NC letter and ask you to send it.
Change his phone number willingly.
Change his email willingly.
Be O&H without making snide little cracks about you invading his privacy.
Make every effort to show you that he is not carrying on the A.
Talk to Steve, make a plan, and follow through with everything.

In short, when he is repentant you will see him doing everything the OPPOSITE of what you see now.

Seeing the baby born might be the excuse he gives to himself, but really this boils down to his selfishness, and his continuing desire to have his cake and eat it too.

PS Pretty sure kicking him in the nuts is not part of a standard Plan A. Fantasizing about it is.

Maybe we should propose the good doctor adds it to the WH A-fighting arsenal:

Plan K: For when Plan A is just not enough.

Instructions for Plan K: Kick 'im in the nads 'til he cries uncle.*


(*Or a word or phrase of your choosing. Epithets regarding the OW may be quite appropriate and therapeutic.)

In all seriousness, Neak has again summed up the general situation quite well, I think. IDK, maybe the birth will tip him in the right direction?

I was thinking that maybe why SH has suggested the continued Plan A for this reason exactly. Maybe there is something there. We will have to wait and see.

The birth will either tip him in the right direction, or not. That's a prophecy sure to come true, eh? Like the Oracle of Delphi, I think it was.

Now, I'm perfectly prepared to be wrong, but if I had to guess, I would guess this. The birth will bring about a temporary improvement. WH is very much loving his homecake, and will have an awesome time bonding to Mommy and Baby. Make the most of every minute, as it's especially good for Baby.

After a very short time, a few days to maybe at most a few weeks, he will begin having a hard time. He may or may not resume C (if he's even in NC right now - he may have a secret phone already), but either way the reality of withdrawal will set in once again. Baby will be great, though not the magic pill he is probably half-hoping for.

At that point, if you don't have to go back into Plan B and he fights his way through W/D, super! If he does resume contact and you have to go dark, well at least you've had a chance to rest first. Sounds like a win/win to me.

That's my short-term attempt at prognostication, and my long-term one involves a high chance of Happily Ever After for one Mrs. NP and an FWH.

I agree with Neak.

I call it "tonic" so what does that make me?..... OLD according to DS8.




I gotta ketchup...theres been 29 post since I last caught up this morning...

My grandpa remembers when sassafras tea made the jump to root beer. He was heartily in favor of the idea.

....Wait a minute what are you tryin to say, that Im as old as GRANDPA!!!!

I respectfully disagree with this perspective.

NP is already being disrespected enough. She is about to bring a perfectly new, innocent human being into the world at the cost of her physical health. She deserves a husband that is loyal and committed to his wife and family, not some baby daddy around in these final days.

It's really just too much to ask a pregnant mom who is about to give birth to Plan A a "baby daddy" and treat him like a loyal, loving dedicated husband and father.

It's not a newborn's job to tip it's father in the right direction.

NP is a person with feelings. She is about to experience one of the most incredible bonding experiences a woman can have. How is it going to be helpful in the long if her husband only shows temporary improvement because of baby's birth?

Will she feel even more used by her WH? More than likely.

Having a baby while dealing with an A is even more traumatic because it's so contrary to what M and family are. It taints the whole experience for a long time. We can bend our minds around not having met our spouse's needs as a partner, but it's almost impossible to accept how our waywards treated us as we cared enough to put up with their crap and bring their child into the world.

The "parent" in us ends up feeling an overwhelming urge to take our new baby and run from our spouse. It becomes about protection at that point. Some rudimentary instinct to get our kids out of harms way, even if it is our child's other parent. New moms are wired to this.

If NP's WH fakes bonding, or uses baby for his own selfish motives, it will hit her harder than all of his cheating madness. It will be a cold day in Hades before she accepts that action as wayward "alien" behavior. Mom's aren't supposed to expose their precious new baby's to aliens. kwim?

NP,you're going to have to decide what you want for this baby's birth. If you think that you can handle your WH's lack of love and commitment to you and your family and are willing to accept that his being around you in these final days is about an ego stroke for him, then you could consider allowing him to continue in your life.

However, if you think that you in the future will get down on yourself and regret allowing him near you and your new baby, allowing him to be present at the birth, or regret doing Plan A with such a selfish wayward, then go to Plan B immediately.

Save yourself first! You can stay in contact with Dr H as you maneuver through the birth and post partum recovery phases.

Then if you feel like it, you and WH can connect back with Dr H as a couple. If your WH remains ambivalent,then it will be easier for you to decide how you want to move forward. You won't have major doses of bonding hormones pushing you in a direction that you wouldn't have chosen otherwise.

Stay faithful to you.....you know yourself best. If you can welcome WH in w/o any regrets, then do so. However, if you'll regret it ultimately, go dark Plan B for your sanity and heart's sake.

If she had not received a whole different direction of advice from Steve, my advice would have been much different. I would have had his butt back out the door less than 24 hours after his hasty homecoming, and NP back in Plan B.

Since Steve has, with his expert perspective that I don't understand but won't disagree with, given her different advice than that, I am doing my best to prepare her for what is, IMO, the most likely outcome of following that advice.

I am willing to accept that, having talked directly to both parties, Steve has info that I don't. I'm also willing to accept that, if I could be privy to the info, plus Steve's line of reasoning, that I might agree with him.

Since none of that is an option, I will continue to do my best to help her carry out Steve's advice, even though it's radically different than what my own would be.

EGG-ZACK-LEE.

I also would have offered differing advice to NP. Steve is the one who is telling her to hang on to PLan A. Again, like Neak said, he has a different perspective and mindset. Obviously, he sees or knows something that we do not. That is why it is best for people to get coaching with the Harleys. We are here for aftercare support to keep them on the path that the Harleys have set them on. That is what I am doing here in this case.

Is she being asked to Plan A? My understanding is that Plan A is to be used in order to motivate a spouse to terminate an affair and enter recovery. This husband has allegedly terminated the affair and started recovery, so it was my understanding at this point that this is not and should not be Plan A. Plan A would involve putting the Taker on hold in a way that I don't think would be healthy at all right now.

I don't think Steve Harley has advised Plan A at this point, but I could be wrong. I think it would be great for NP to ask him about the distinction when she gets the chance.

I am sure Steve is encouraging NP to meet WH's ENs and avoid LBs, but I would also bet he would say that she should not be sacrificing at this point or accepting anything that her Taker is unhappy about. NewPetals, has Steve said anything like this?