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#2387523 06/09/10 12:48 PM
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I'm posting this for a friend (who I hope will soon start posting here and tell you her story). The abridged version of a long-term marriage that has hit the skids is that both of them are hugely LBing and DJing each other and not doing any EN filling.
I am trying to encourage her to at least get with this program. From what she tells me, he's deep into withdrawal.

Her current situation is starting to mirror what happened with me when my H had the EA. Her husband has started to email with a 'friend' from college days. Turns out this 'friend' is an old girlfriend. My friend saw some of the email exchanges and confronted him (ooops...wish she'd waited). He pulled out the wayward script and said 'she's just a friend, she's married, she lives 1000 miles away'. Yet from the emails my friend saw, they are already conversing about the state of his marriage, his feelings...stuff he should NOT be talking about with another woman!

He gets his email through his own domain name (his business), but she has to go to his computer to read it...and of course he's already started to delete stuff. I told her she's going to have to snoop (while cleaning up her side of the street). She says she knows his password, but I don't know if that's the password he uses for apple mail or if it's the same password as he'd use to get his mail on Verizon/Comcast (don't know their ISP).

Can anyone help? Also, their phone provider is Verizon wireless, I think. Can she get texts?

I think that he might be slipping into something and by confronting him, he might go further underground.

OurHouse #2387530 06/09/10 01:00 PM
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She cannot get copies of texts to other phones through Verizon.

Programs such as 'PCPandora' work well. I put it on my computer about a year ago.

http://www.pcpandora.com/

Completely hidden and easy to access. Records all keystrokes, emails, chats, etc. Also takes intermittant 'screenshots' of the computer screen as well. Logs times, etc. About everything you could want. It can even be set up to email all the information to you, so you don't have to get on the computer itself, after installing. That way, she could put it on and never get on again. Accessing the information via her own email account from another computer.

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I do know about some good keylogger programs...I mentioned them to her this morning. She is pretty computer illiterate and I balked at her asking me to come over and load it up. I'm happy to advise her, but I really think she has to do the actual deed. I will pass that along to her when I speak with her next.

She has AT&T and unlike my provider, Sprint, she does get copies of the text minutes AND numbers. I told her for now, check the bills and monitor his call and text usage. If he see a spike or a lot of numbers she doesn't recognize, then she needs to research.

She knows the name of the OW...I googled and found her maiden name and where she lives.

OurHouse #2387580 06/09/10 02:20 PM
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What kind of phone does he have? She can check flexispy.com to see if her phone is compatible with their software. I know it works for BB and iPhone and I think some others.

I know it's hard, but it would be best if she didn't let on that she is suspicious or starting to snoop or else he'll take things further underground...


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2387587 06/09/10 02:30 PM
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I'm trying to get her on here in the first place.

I've recommended some books; I've given her the links to articles and this website.

This thing with the old friend (g/f) from college started only recently but their marriage has been very rocky for quite some time. She would probably take her lumps in 2x4's if I could get her here, but perhaps she would begin to understand how to tackle cleaning up her side of the street, Plan A and snooping all simultaneously.

I don't want to recommend anything to her over email; I'll have to wait 'til I next talk to her to tell her about the keylogger. For the moment, since she says she has his password, but not always free/easy access to his computer, I was wondering if she could to the ISP website (such as verizon.net/comcast.net) and access his email there. But as I mentioned, he has his own domain name, so his email addy is husband@businessname.com, instead of husband@comcast.net, even though it still goes through that ISP.

Does that make sense? Could she simply sign on (as I do when I want to read my mail right off the server) to Comcast, type in his user name and his password? He might have a different user name for the server directly. His husband@businessname.com might not be his user name on the server?

Am I totally confusing everyone?

I did tell her she needs to start playing her cards closer to her chest. I was able to do some quick googling for her to get OW's maiden name and I found a profile on Classmates but since it's tied to the college, I don't think I can access it. She doesn't appear to be on FB.

OurHouse #2387607 06/09/10 02:55 PM
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I have to believe that all ISP's have web access to email these days. I am a business owner and I can access my email by typing mail.businessname.com. It takes me to a logon screen where I can enter my email address and password. This might work for her depending on who the ISP is.

ETA: Clarification taht businessname is actually url. If her husband has a website and the web address (url) is www.abccompany.com then she would type mail.abccompany.com.

Last edited by mindshare; 06/09/10 03:08 PM.
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Thanks Mindshare. I did type mail.businessname.com and got the regular webpage. I'm not sure what I should type in as his business name though. When I type in mail.companyname.com (slightly different than the domain name), I got an error.

OurHouse #2387660 06/09/10 04:14 PM
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Go to Network Solutions (Whois) and find out who the hosting company is for his website. Then, go to the hosting company's website and look for FAQs. Most of them will provide information about how to access email straight from the server and give you the path to follow. If you can't figure it out, send them an email and ask outright, as a small business who is looking at asking them to host your site.

If he has his own server however, you may be out of luck.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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It gave me this message:

The IP address from which you have visited the Network Solutions Registrar WHOIS
database is contained within a list of IP addresses that may have failed
to abide by Network Solutions' WHOIS policy. Failure to abide by this policy can
adversely impact our systems and servers, preventing the processing of
other WHOIS requests.

To see the Network Solutions WHOIS Policy, click on or copy and paste the following
URL into your browser:

OurHouse #2387669 06/09/10 04:20 PM
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This probably means that they've been banned by Network Solutions but they aren't the only WHOIS out there. Try another one. Just type in WHOIS in Google and you should get a link for another company.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Oh wait! It's saying that the IP address from which you came is no good. Still try another one.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Hey PM, I did get to another whois site and did get the addy for network solutions, but still couldn't get to a login page.

I don't want to spend a whole lot of time on it. At the moment, my friend can read his email right on his computer when he's not there, but she's got bigger issues than just trying to read his mail. I think I'll recommend keylogger software to her, and I will continue to recommend she come to this forum.


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