Usually when an OW shows up, it's in the form of unrepentant stalking. That happens occasionally. Once in a great while both sides of the same A-quation show up for help, but I don't remember any names. Maybe someone else does.

Well, they've been working through things just using the website, according to OW H. So.....they COULD show up here. If my thread suddenly disappears, you all will know why.

I agree. You see sometimes the WS comes home "for the kids". Even though that hurts the BS like hayul, well ANY reason INITIALLY for them to recommit to the M is ok. It is what happens in the long term after following MB that matters. Yes, it stinks if he was possibly paying OW back by sending a NC letter. SO WHAT? The fact is HE sent one and SHE sent one so both seem to have committed to R and MB. All in all that is the goal here.

As for the delivery room. I think at this point NP should allow WH to be there to support her during the birth. I would agree though that she be honest with him that if he is not supportive he will be asked to leave. Have a back up plan for someone else to step into that role in a moments notice.

My H and I got pregnant very soon after my A was over. It was during the birth of our son that I feel head over heels back in love with him. It is a strong emotional bonding moment.

ITA. Commit 100% to his actions to repair the M right now, even if you question his motivation.

In checking WH's email, I found this in his "deleted" messages. Sent today to the one email I don't have the password to, from himself to himself. I feel like crying - please give advice.


So I am about the task of taking the biggest risk of my life, that of happiness and love. It is day one of true and real separation from OW, for who knows how long.

I suppose I will start with the way I last saw her, could it have been any better? We made love and it still brings emotion to my eyes. It was perfect should it be the last time in each other's embrace.

Today being day one without her, it seems fitting to recall the first day I saw her. A day that changed my life and the way I view all of creation and spirituality. It was wednesday, July 8 of 2009. I was walking down the hall way at {company} with{friend} after a meeting. I passed by [boss's} office where she was standing with files in her arms. The color blue and black I remember about her, my favorite colors. I didn't even really see her face, just a glimpse from the side, my favorite view on the planet. I will never forget the profound feeling of knowing that came from that glimpse, that passing. No words, not even a glance exchanged, but I knew in that moment this woman was known to me and so as time went on it was no surprise that she became known to me. More so than I ever thought possible. Time would later reveal to me the belief, a belief that I hold to this day, that she was meant to be with me.

So it is with the greatest risk I have ever taken in my life, a risk where I feel the stress and longing in my stomach for the feel of her skin, to hear her breathing and feel her form encompassed in my arms, to hear her voice and revel in her mind. The twinning of souls, the love I find is as amazing to me as creation itself. In creation I look at life as greater than the sum of its parts, what is it that causes a collection of molecules to suddenly exhibit the ability to choose? Choice coming from parts that cannot choose? I feel in our love that we are greater than either of us individually added together in any other way, 1 + 1 > 2.

The risk is that I have told her I will not be a back up... it was the greatest lie I have ever told. But in my mind I have thought if she is to have a real chance at her marriage, then she can't believe I am waiting for her. It would be no real chance and time will tell me if I was a fool or not. Should the day come where we are reunited, it will be with my arms and heart wide open.

So now I wait to hear her voice again. I love her still. I miss her to tears.

Ouch. Reading that makes me want to throw up. I am so sorry, NP.

My H ruined the birth of our son with his EA. It is a hard pill to swallow being married to someone who would wreck their family in this way.

OMG, NP. I am so sorry you had to see that.

You know this is withdrawal speaking, right?

As gross and disgusting as that was, I am thrilled. Believe it or not, when he wrote that he was in the best place he's been since this whole thing started.

As long as he maintains NC, he will continue to get better and better. Eventually he will look back with horror at his mindset during this time. He will refute everything he is now saying and feeling.

Excellent!

He just called me and we ended up talking for a while, becuase he could tell from my voice that something was wrong. I didn't admit to seeing the email, but he admitted a lot of what was in it to me - that at this point, looking back on it, he's never felt anything like that before and he feels like she is someone he was meant to be with. He went on to say that if she came to him right now, and said she wanted to be with him, he'd say no, not until he had given his marriage an honest chance (but then - what about how he said it was a lie??). I asked him, if we worked on rebuilding our marriage, and he was happy with me, would he ever choose her over me, and he said no.

And he said the last few days have been really great and have given him the first glimpse of hope for our marriage that he's ever had.

I told him I was feeling bad that she sent the letter first, and he said from talking to Steve earlier in the day, the plan had been to send it, but with my MIL and BIL arriving for a visit, when he sent it was the first chance he had to, and it just happened she sent it before him.

It better be withdrawal speaking. I am going to continue to monitor and see if his attitude changes......It IS a hard pill to swallow, being married to someone who could wreck our family this way. At the same time, isn't that why we're all here? To swallow that pill and move past it?

Does anyone else feel like this could be a plant.

If NP has been routinely checking his email and he knows that.....and he did not permanently delete it so it really was not that difficult to find......and with some certainty he could guess that NP would post it to her supporters.....or anyone else who could lurk here.....like OW who is now using MB for marital recovery.....Use the MB forum to send a love letter and message of hope to OW?....... Hmmmmmmm

Would a guy really write a letter like that just for journaling?

The more I read it the more suspicious I become.

I'm suspicious, too. Something is really, really weird.

I am going to say yes. This is actually how I confirmed my H was indeed in his EA. He would email himself his feelings and a poem about the OW.

Once confronted, though, he never did it again.

I have a question, NP. You say this email was in his deleted stuff today, right? Is there a time stamp or anything that would identify when it was deleted? I'm asking because it says that it was "day one" without her, which would indicate that it was written back on May 23 - wasn't that when NC started?

Well, to answer a first question - yes, WH is absolutely the kind of guy that would write that for journaling. When he writes, he pours his heart out. He has quite a gift for writing, actually. And it fits with other journal entries I've seen of his.

The email was written and deleted TODAY. I can only assume, unless he's been superb at deleting any traces of contact, that by "Day One" he means the day he commits in truth to not contacting OW again. Even SH said before that when he got WH to agree to NC, it seemed like it was just a temporary measure and that he had every intention of talking to her again. So, unless he really HAS hidden the contact from me, perhaps he and she had an agreement before that it would be NC only until they could get away from their spouses. OW H says he and OW are working through the website and have hope for their future.

I don't think it is a plant (just my 2cents)

The guy is a mess, beginning withdrawal from his drug of choice.

Most Waywards are 'romantics' and could write novels to be #1 best sellers.

They forget they once felt such romance for their spouses. It is easier to rewrite history than face the facts that their boundaries suck big time.

Yes, there is always a pretty face, be it female or male to appeal to us all. Doesn't mean we cross boundaries and 'go after it'. That is purely evil.

Anyway.

Get used to this stuff New Petals. Your recovery will include this sort of challenging imagery for sure.

It is no fun but you will ride it through and why don't you make sure to wear his favorite colors more often!

ITA. I thought the same thing about the journaling - wayward-speak puts Harlequin romance novels to shame. You should have seen the sappy-a@@ed drivel my FWH wrote to OW

Hey, NP - you saved that little tome, correct?

lol....tbh, I have to admit I thought his fav colour was orange......

I personally don't think it's a plant either. WH doesn't really know that they're using the website, just that he has this NC letter from her. For all he knows they could be counselling with the Harleys too. I don't talk about my posting here, and although he did find the site once and knows I was posting, I changed my screen name and deleted my old thread.

SH told me that initially I am not going to like what I see in WH when we start peeling back the fog. Could this be it?

Sure did - only I was a LOT more discreet about deleting it when I fwd'd it to myself lol!

I should say - some of the stuff OW wrote to him (that I found in his truck) was even worse, "everywhere you touch me tingles, every sense is alive, I have never felt a love that takes me to such heights...."

When I told him today that seeing all that was still hurting me, he said there might be more of it around, and he would try to get rid of it all when he came across it, and give it to me....I don't have to read it, but I can see to it that it gets destroyed so I know he's not keeping it.

imo, wayward letters are worse than the most vomit inducing Valentine's Day cards. I bet I couldn't even write something so sappy and ridiculous if I tried.