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Dating is a job interview for marriage. If the candidate lies and cheats during the job interview, then I obviously don't hire them.
I can't imagine why you would even consider a future with a man who a) won't commit to you, b) cheats on you, c) lies to you. How in the world does any sane woman consider that to be marriage material? Here we are in a society where women are free to choose their husbands; why would a person squander that freedom on such a bad choice?
You say you "love" this man now, but those feelings will quickly fade when you are faced with his weekly visits with his other girlfriend, which will lead to an on again, off again romance. You won't love him too much when you are relegated to second fiddle to his child. Why would you sign on for that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What I want is some reassurance from him that something can and will change. He knows that I always wanted more of a committment so maybe he will come around. I will know in time. He is very remorseful for what he did and the end result and I know that he will take care of his responsibility. Beside me loving him, he helps me out a lot with my house and I cherish his friendship as he does mine. We have a sort of unconditional love for each other that I wouldn't expect you to know unless you know the two individuals personally!
Thanks again, Well then, all is well in your world. You don't really need help/advice/MB .... Carry on .... As you were .... Best of luck. Adieu ,
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Last edited by Jamela; 06/10/10 02:19 PM.
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Last edited by Jamela; 06/10/10 02:20 PM.
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Is there any advise you can give me other than walking away? Yes, the other advise I would give is to RUN. Don't walk, RUN. The dating experiment failed. Time to move onto the next soul mate. Find a soul mate who doesnt lie and cheat and get women pregnant.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Is there any advise you can give me other than walking away? Is that the only solution? This can't be the worst you've seen in these posts! Well, it's kind of tough to offer advice because .... When asked what you want to do, you listed ways you want him to change. Sorry, that's not on the menu here at cafe MB. I still suggest you read that book I linked. Best to you.
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I understand your point about the interview but once again, the person that seems to be the best candidate for the interview still does not guarantee job well done. And the person who seems to be a BAD CANDIDATE probably does guarantee a job poorly done. As you have discovered first hand. last question! out of curiosity, are you ladies professional advisors or just members? We are all "just members."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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are you professionals or just members?
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Last edited by Jamela; 06/10/10 02:20 PM.
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I get it now! I looked at other posts where husbands cheated on there wives with more than one woman and your advise to the married lady is to 'bust up the affair' talk to our counselors and make your marriage work! So the cheater is OK if he's married. I didn't see you telling the married lady to run! What's going to change after they talk to the counselor and the smoke clears away...he'll probably cheat again..right? so why not tell her to RUN also..does it have something to do with this site making $$$ off of married couples??? But if the goal was to "make money" doesn't it stand to reason that I would be telling you "talk to the counselors?" 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm not married..and you made the point that this site is for married couples..
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I'm not married..and you made the point that this site is for married couples.. Exactly my point.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ok..I feel better that you are all 'just members' whewww. When I browsed through the site and read some of the psychologist views on indiscretions and infidelities, it was a little more realistic and impersonal. You ladies are killing me! thanks anyway...
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ok..I feel better that you are all 'just members' whewww. When I browsed through the site and read some of the psychologist views on indiscretions and infidelities, it was a little more realistic and impersonal. You ladies are killing me! thanks anyway... Good luck in your dating life!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm not married..and you made the point that this site is for married couples.. But, the BOOK we recommend is for dating couples. Really, it's a good book for you. Filled with personal examples and practical advice, Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders will help you assess relationship attitudes and transform a Freeloader or Renter into a fully-committed Buyer. You'll even learn how one or both of you can try out the Buyer attitude before you decide to become one.
Although Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders was intended to be a book to help dating couples create lifelong relationships together, you will be sure to find this a most valuable source of information for your marriage. You will discover what is behind the attitudes that can cause connectedness between you and your spouse to break down. You will also discover how to change them.
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Is there any advise you can give me other than walking away? Is that the only solution? This can't be the worst you've seen in these posts! You've been advised to buy a book. You might want to get ahold of it and check it out. There's more to it than just the chapter people pointed you to.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Well heck, I'll bite.
When did/do you plan on getting married to this man?
Is your boyfriend willing to go "No contact for LIFE" with this other woman?
Even if you where married you have almost no chance for a recovery without LIFETIME no contact.
And I assure you, I am no Lady!
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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It worked perfectly fine for us. I'm sorry, but if it worked perfectly fine for you, you wouldn't be here. In fact he treated me better than my ex-husband with the exception of the affair. Not to knock marriage, but I was married and lived in a house with our kids and traveled and all that fun stuff that goes with it. But let me tell you my ex-husband cheated when I was pregnant and when my daughter was 4 and who knows when else, and not one time was my husban consciencious enough to confess to his faults! I ended up cheating on him in the end and after 12 years of marriage we was divorced.  Thank you for your reply. However, I failed to mentioned that we do not live together. You are aware that you are on a Marriage Building site, yes? The two of you share time with each other, have not committed to each other, have run around on your SO's, had children out of wedlock with non-SO's, and you're puzzled as to why you're in this situation?? Being married alone, does not guarantee that your husband is not going to walk out because he can walk away just as fast as a renter! No one has said that getting M'd is the magic bullet. But marriage requires a significant amount of time, commitment, perserverance, sharing, etc., that just doesn't happen between two people who hang out together occasionally and have sex. Both of you will need to significantly shift your thinking.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I get it now! I looked at other posts where husbands cheated on there wives with more than one woman and your advise to the married lady is to 'bust up the affair' talk to our counselors and make your marriage work! So the cheater is OK if he's married. I didn't see you telling the married lady to run! What's going to change after they talk to the counselor and the smoke clears away...he'll probably cheat again..right? so why not tell her to RUN also..does it have something to do with this site making $$$ off of married couples??? For the love of gawd....someone tell her what she wants to hear so that all the head battering can stop. Ok..ok...ok.. I will... ~*~*POOF*~*~ magic dust sprinkled. He CAN and WILL change for you He LOVES you that much. Don't worry...ALL will be ok. He had a momentary lapse of judgment that will NEVER happen again. But if it does, so what...you have a "sort of unconditional love" for one another..so NO WORRIES. committed
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