(((scotty and DS7)))

You are an amazing woman, scotty. Kudos to you for handling your family so well. I can guarentee you that your Aunt never meant HER vows. IB and lots of travel away from hubby likely means when she is away she plays. Ugh..

I have been experiencing a weird phenomenon lately. I say "weird" because it is a constant thought that goes against my Plan. What am I talking about? I keep wanting to break Plan B. I will NOT. I just really want to start talking to Bampot again. I think about how nice it would be to get in the middle of their affair and reek real havoc in it. How good it would feel to KNOW that I am causing some real drama in the affair. I am not proud of these feelings and thoughts. Actually, I get quite upset with myself for even thinking about these things. I am just sharing to let others know, who may be lurking that these thoughts do come around. I will NOT act on them because they go against the Plan B that DrH has outlined and since that is what I am currently in, I am following that. It is not a constant thought, but it probably does occur at least once a day for the past week.

I have tried to figure out why I have had these ideas. I really don't know. It is DS_9's birthday this coming Saturday. It is a day that I would have LOVED to share with Bampot and now that it is approaching, I am TOTALLY aware how we will not share this one and may NEVER share one again. Sucks, more for Bampot than I though since I will be celebrating DS_9's 10th birthday with my SON. No other place I would rather be.

Oh, I haven't said it in a while, "WAYTURDS SUCK AZZ."

My DS birthday is coming up and he will be 9, isnt that funny...I just want to tell you that the past few months I have been talking to WH, only about DS, but talking nonetheless...I just gave up on recovery and was sick of the go between stuff and thought this would be easier...well I think it has taken me back in my personal recovery, I am missing him more again, crying a little more..THen relationship talk gets snuck in there and I get hurt more.

Anyway, my point is...DONT DO IT.....But I know you already know that. It would hurt you more than you think. It did me.

*ahem*

Hey, I already said that on here doesn't count. I NEED this place. I already have pint-sized loonie police, I don't need another one.

LOL

Hi PEP!

Geez, I just re-read my post and I realized that I said it was a "constant thought, " and then I said, "it's not a constant thought." WTH? Who was I trying to kid? HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. It isn't a CONSTANT thought but it IS a DAILY thought. Just wondering if it was a part of this whole process and if it was, I wanted others to know that if they have these thoughts, they are normal. OH NOOOOOO. Now I said I was NORMAL. What is WRONG with me? HEHEHEHEHE

Geez, I can't believe I forgot to tell you guys about my close encounter of the wayturd kind. On Friday night, I was going to the carnival with my sister and Mom. My cell phone rang, and I thought it was my sister. I said, "Hello." Then I heard a voice say, "Hello." It took me a second, I haven't heard his voice in almost 6 months. I handed the phone to DS_9 and said, "It's for you." It made me think about him for a second and miss him, but I got over it. I didn't even think about looking at him this weekend, which I guess is a good thing since DSx2 told me that WF was with Bampot when he came to drop the kiddos off.

You plan to stay alone the rest of your life if you can't restore your marriage? Wow. Why?

That is just the way I feel right now. I absolutely love my WH and I will always have some love for him. I do not think that it will be fair for any other person that I would be in a relationship with because he would never have all of me.

My grandmother has never been with anyone else after my grandfather left her. They never divorced and lived separate for many years.

I do not need a man or a relationship to make my life complete. If my WH had died instead of committed adultery, I couldn't imagine being with someone else.

Also, right now, I have young children who need my time and focus. Since I have sons, I would have to introduce a man into my life and it would most likely cause conflict in my household. We all know what kind of problems biological parents have with their own children. I can't see myself being able to juggle dealing with this kind of sitch. I would always pick my children over another person. It would have been a little different with my WH as he is their biological father and I will NEVER question the love he has for our children. In his Wayturd mindset, he has done some stupid things, even to them, but I have NEVER questioned IF he loves them. I know he does. Everyone who knows him knows that.

Also, I have always known that this was going to be it for me. I have always said that how ever this ended with my WH(either a D or death), that I would not date anyone else. Dating is really only a way to get to know someone enough to marry them Since I don't plan on doing that again, there is no reason to date.

I do NOT condemn other people their choices. I believe that MOST people would move on after a D or death of their spouse. I just have always known that I was NOT one of them. Now, I am not saying "NEVER' because as my friend always says, "When you say 'NEVER' that precisely what you will do."

I am going to make a spectacular life for myself. I just need to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up. I am working on it though.

Well, you are still quite young!

Yes, I am aware. I have always been told I act older than my age though. I have always felt like an "old soul." Since I do believe in reincarnation, it is quite possible.

I am reading Queenie's thread. I am only on the second page and I found a quote by Mark that I would like to keep. I am sure I am going to find MANY MANY more. Wish I would have thought to post the ones from mimis thread. Oh well. Here goes.

Hmmmmmm....ok. Interesting. I think you are too young to feel that way...but I do respect your feelings.

Well, I guess I shouldn't tell you that I have felt this way since I got married and I was 21 then.

Scotty -- you mention DS's upcoming Bday. Do you celebrate Father's Day? It's Sunday here in the U.S. and I can't stand hearing all the "Dad's so great... Dad's sacrificed for me... etc." ads on radio and TV. Those commercials MAKE me think of WH and memories when the kids were little and our family was intact.

Our WH's USED to be great Dads. They aren't anymore. They CHOSE to put their needs ahead of their family. They PICKED OW over their kids. Good men will sacrifice for their family. Risk their lives. Go broke funding their kids' college. Hurt physically to finish a backbreaking project. Give up sleep worrying about a sick child.

I know you still love your WH... but he's gone for now. The alien currently residing in him doesn't care about your kids.

You are right, Scotty. You will be with his son on his bday because that is where you are SUPPOSE to be. And you will be doing what you are SUPPOSE to be doing..

Ignore Bampot. Let's see how he feels to not be with DS on his bday. Maybe that will wake him up a bit.

OMG, right there with you; only mine are constant. It feels like every minute of every day. I keep wondering, will I ever feel normal again, will I ever not feel broken, will I ever be able to trust anyone again, and most of all how can I make the A break up horribly so that WH, and POSOW are competely miserable.
It takes every once of effort I have to not break pln B.

Wayturds Suck!!!!!

From Queenie's thread. Mimi wrote this about Plan B. Excellent. I love to find the little gems. Never know when I might need something to keep me on track.


Queenie wrote this.


and one of Mark's favourite quotes

Your reading Queenie's thread???.....

it'll take a while.....

Actually, when you talked about having thoughts of breaking Plan B and reeking "havoc" and wondering if this was "normal" (because what's "normal"..... )), she was who I thought of. She went through similar emotions. A LOT.....I can tell you from my experience, it's normal no matter. For a LONG time, even in R I would think of think of things I "should" have done/said, but in all honesty, everything went the way it was supposed to go. Just remember to keep your goals in front of you....and DO NOT break Plan B......

BTW, your encouragement and help to SoL was spot-on!!! Way to keep him grounded and focused.......looks like these boards have a couple of "up-and-comers".....

Not

Thanx Not. I needed to get a good read on here. I felt like I had already absorbed what I was capable of out of DrH's stuff for now(I say capable of, because I will read it again when I get my head in a different place).

As far as the advice I give to any poster, I just want to pay it forward. I sometimes don't know if what I am saying will get squished by a "vet" but I am ready for it. I know that I have learned from the squashing before, especially when it was from MeldoyLane.