So we talked. At first he didn't even want to save our marriage. Kept saying he wanted out, blameshifting etc. Told me he didn't have to explain himself to me. I got him to reinvest in the relationship a little anyways I think. He didn't think we could overcome our problems and I told him that it wasn't us as a couple it was individual things about ourselves that was sabotaging our relationship and we could either walk away and carry that to a new relationship or deal with it together and become stronger.That if he left now he would just cheat on the next person when things got tough. I stressed that I needed to know what we were dealing with. He gave me access to his facebook account. He had of course deleted everything and never mind what went on in his chat sessions. He had his status as single looking for dating, a relationship, whatever I can get. I thanked him for trusting me and then went to his email account that he used for the profile, and told him to put in the password. He refused for a long time and then finally gave me access. I saw some of the things he'd deleted, the sexual messages and also saw that he was doing this after we had recommitted to our relationship and started MC. I think he had information for other sex sites but unfortunately our son woke up and I could not continue looking. At that point he shut me out again and started acting strange. It's like he was coming through the fog. He was depressed ashamed exposed and vulnerable. I thanked him, didn't get angry or even upset. In some ways even though I know there is so much more, I felt relieved because I was getting some honesty. I'm going to keep pushing disclosure until I can get the money to hire someone to get past the passwords and install the spyware.

Good job on thanking him for letting you see bits of the truth.

It is a step in a good direction in this long haul adventure you have embarked on against your will!

So talks broke down. Last night we went over the first few concepts and filled out the emotional needs questionnaires. Then today he tells me I'm suffocating him because he never gets "me time". He does taekwondo 3x a week while I'm at home taking care of our son. He tells me that he wants to start taking turns going out all night on the weekends. Are you f'ing kidding me?? I don't even want him going to taekwondo right now because I'm worried he's cheating. I think he used to cheat instead of going to taekwondo before. Then he says he's never cheated and what he's doing is harmless. Hes now blaming me saying it's because I never meet his needs! Way to have the concepts backfire!He's mad because I went to dr today to get antidepressants and to ask about STI testing. Then he tells me it's over. He told me if I don't stop looking for evidence, he'll leave me.What do I do? He came home from taekwondo and sat here on his phone texting someone and I saw him log into something on his mobile Internet. He turned it away so I couldn't see. Thanks to the cafemom site, I think I have some ways to get past the passwords on both the phone and the computer. Just need the opportunity and time. I wasn't going to bother with a VAR because he never talks on the phone. Not even when we were dating, not to his mom, nothing. He's a texter, and what a texter (sent me many dirty texts when dating)But I think I will put a VAR in his truck. He keeps covering up his tracks. I really think he was cheating when over a year ago when he'd say he was at taekwondo. I remember looking at the schedule posted online and one of the days he said he had class, it wasn't listed as his group. He'd also always put on cologne before going. I think he stopped so not sure how I'll come up with proof. He gets timestamped every class, so I want to ask to see them but again, he's just told me we're
done...

He is soooooo foggy.

He is SO in an affair and when you get evidence you need to expose immediately.

He'll leave you if you keep poking around? FOG FOG FOG FOG

EXPOSE EXPOSE EXPOSE! Get the evidence and expose him! He is definitely having an A!

If you do not expose this, then your husband will never change! I'm sorry that this is happening, but your WH is lying to you, you need to expose this A, and go RIGHT INTO PLAN A!! which is...

NO LB

Do not talk about his A's (I'm sure he has multiple A at the same time)

Meet his EN's

Love him (even though you want to throw up all over him)

Care about him (FAKE IT!)

Once you are solid on your plan A, then start preparing yourself with Plan B which is total darkness from him, till he realizes what he has been doing to you, and wants to recover, if he doesn't then he will be a lone, miserable, lying, cheating, unhappy man.

Make sure you are in your plan A at least a couple weeks, there is no time line how long you should be in that plan, that is your choice.

Also when you expose make sure it is NUCLEAR! Not a trickle, if it's a trickle exposure then he will lie to everyone you speak to, but if you expose this to 30 people friends, family, co-workers he wont be able to lie to all of them all at once.

And stop believing anything he says about you and your relationship with him, everything he is saying is a LIE, all the blaming this on you...a lie, DO NOT BELIEVE HIM!

He is a wayward, waywards are the BEST lyers! They do the biggest lie there is....they lie to themselves!

If I was in your boat I would be kicking him out, but if you really think you can salvage this marriage then you need to do what I posted, expose, then plan A, then start getting prepared for plan B.

Yes I agree with Sapphire. As a WH myself, I started out being in denile, FOG, and he is so lying to you and himself that it is not even funny.

You really need to do some major exposure here and pray! Just know that he will be very upset at everything but that is normal for a wayward. He will throw a tantrum like a teenager, as did I when I was exposed, but now I am glad she did because I don't have to hide and lie anymore. I feel soooo much better now that I am being open and honest with her.

Just take heart that it will get better, it will be rough at first but just stay with it and don't give up, you will get there.

Prayers go out to you.