This is very good to hear, Anne. Although many/most A's follow a typical pattern, it's wise to remember that they aren't from a cookie cutter mold. I think you've been steadfast and diligent in a M that has a different slant, and you've chosen your path. Don't fall off the path now - I think you are very close to the end of your ordeal.

And don't you think for one minute about not posting here anymore, missy.

I keep checking your thread when I see you've posted, Anne, hoping that you have found something that confirms one way or another, what's going on and ends this state of limbo for you.

I agree and do not want to be that woman. I do wonder if WH's coworkers already look at me that way. No matter what happens, they won't for much longer!


I am staying on MB and have no illusion that I could ever go back to my life before this and pretend it never happened. My life has changed for ever and will never be the same. My goal right now is to find my new normal.




You're right, I need the truth! I hope I get it soon.

Thanks Marital Bliss. I really don't know what I would do without all the support I get here. It's good to know that so many good people are in my corner.

Me too! I look forward (in a way) to the day when I can finally post that I have what I need and confronted him abuot this. I do know that something rotten is going on but need to be sure what it is and how far it goes (would also be nice to know ho long it's been going on). In case you haven't already noticed, I'm very fact and detail driven!

Thanks to all the wonderful people who posted such warm and encouraging messages to me. I had a difficult week since I was on vacation with WH and kids. Don't get me wrong, I did have fun with my kids but I was an emotional wreck inside with no outlet for all the feelings I was dealing with. And taking a week from from getting intel was hard. It felt like treading water in the ocean.

I am staying on MB but I want everyone to know that if I had left, I was still going to snoop until I got my evidence to confront. Pretending I don't know or turing a blind eye was never - and will never be - and option for me. My road to the truth has been longer than I anticipated. But, I've come this far and I'm in it for the long haul. Everything I do is for the purpose of getting the best possible outcome for my children and myself. That outcome remains to be seen.

Thanks again to everyone! I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will have something more solid to go on soon. I just feel like I'm missing the last, and most important, piece of the puzzle.

Smiling Woman:

I've lost your email address. I created this email addy for just MB posts and now I can't find your original emails to me. I'd love to chat with you again. Can you email me at ourhouse53@gmail.com

Thanks.

"Thank you GreenMile, it interesting to hear from someone on the other "side" of this problem. However, I have no idea if WH will want to stay with me or if he will feel liberated once I confront and then will be choose to go live this lifestyle freely and openly. I don't know him anymore and have no! idea what will happen. I do wish you luck in trying to fix on your marriage. I hope your W gives you a second chance. "

Well, she is, and it is extremely difficult for her. The only reason she is, is because she sees my transformation and commitment and efforts day to day and moment to moment. Even with that, it may not be enough for her. Being retired and spending 24 hr per day together has provided this chance. I know that would not be the case for you. If your WH is busted but stays uninterested in making those profound changes, changing his "friends", de-commissioning his ego and sacrificing everything for you, then you should overcome the fears and free yourself and give yourself a chance to find real happiness. You are young and have children who deserve to see what honesty and real love means in a marriage.

Yesterday, I saw again on TV the movie, "Castaway". It is one of my favorites. In the end, though Chuck Noland is saved and rescued, he has lost the love of his life, but he realizes that he has to keep breathing, is obligated to go on, because, "you never know what the wind will blow your way". Don't be afraid to move on. Respect yourself.

@GreenMile - I'm so happy that your W decided to give you a second chance. I wish you all the best. If my WH does not wish to change then I will have no problem kicking him to the curb. It won't be easy but it will be for the best.

Bad news...it appers he has found the keylogger I installed on his laptop. I'm not getting any reports emailed to me and he's on his computer right now (he sent me emails this morning). They are scheduled to be emailed to me every hour so I should have recieved at least two by now. The only reason I can think of that I would not be getting the reports is that someone removed the software. I'm pretty bummed about this setback. He is not the type to confront so I know he won't say anything to me about it. He will wait for me to be the one to bring it up. Well, I'm not...not until I know more. I guess the cat and mouse games continue for a little while longer. Hopefully the VAR is safe because it's my only hope!

Anne, when I used my keylogger, there were a few times here and there that I did not get reports every hour and it was due to server issues. So, even though it could be a real possibility that he found and disabled it, keep up hope that this could be your keylogger's server issues. The keylogger records the keystrokes and sends them to their own server. Then the re-email them to you.

It's like my blackberry. Sometimes I'll get an email in my inbox and my Bberry signals me almost the same time. And other times, it's 10, 15 or even 1/2 hour later. If the server is down or jammed up, it holds things up.

BUMMER!

I was soo looking forward about you getting some good emails, so you can finally expose this

Sorry Anne, just keep going! We know you are very strong, and you know there will be an end to this misery someday.

I guess that's possible but not very likely. One of his co-workers who happens to be very good with technology had his laptop while we were out of town. My guess is he found it and disabled it. There is no way WH would have found it but I bet this guy did.

I KNOW!!! The worst part is this means he is on to me and will change his passwords. That leaves me with the VAR as my only hope (provided he doesn't search the car and find it). I knew this could happen and just might have to figure out how to confront with what I already have. It's not impossible but it won't be easy. I keep trying to remember that everything happens for a reason.

I experienced this too....don't panic yet Anne...not sure why he would find it. That would really surprise me.

I just sent you an email...I will be back in town late tomorrow.

Hmmmmm....why did the co-worker have it? I would say just reinstall it if it really is gone. If your WH keeps his laptop out of your hands you will know he suspects you.

If you do have to re-install, see if you can purchase Eblaster. They are (IMO) the best and most undetectable.

I should know tomorrow what's going on. He might have borrowed the co-workers laptop and left his at the office. The good news is that he did not change his password so I should be able to get into it if I need to reinstall. I will use Eblaster if I have to do that. Thanks again!

EBlaster works great. We got it to help with my wife's peace of mind. She put it on both my computers. It is completely invisible. I have Macs, but I am sure the PC version is the same.

Anne,

I have to tell you - your husband and his relationship with DB just creeps me out.

Know why?

When one man has a personality disorder, he still needs an enabler, and there aren't too many who get hooked up with another sociopath.

"Criminal Minds" is a show I watched a particular episode that keeps coming to mind every time I read an update from you.

While your husband doesn't have a murderous intent, he definitely has met his dirt-bag match in DB.

If you care to be horrified too, look for the episode called "Soul Mates" out of season 4.