Paul,<BR> I'm so sorry that things have come to this. I can well understand that you must protect your boys.<P> Our son has been in the same predicament with his wife. She wanted the divorce, but she married the OM out of spite, because our son had started dating and told her that he would only take her back if she would go to counseling, but that she could not move back in until she got her head back on straight. Since that time, our son has been the OM twice. The first time she came back happened to coincide with his filing his tax return. She went back to her new H after our son told her that he would give her $100 of the tax refund, but that the rest of it would go to pay on the bills she ran up while they were still married. The second time she came back, it turned out that she needed some dental work, which our son paid for. As soon as she got out of her last dental appointment, she went back to her new H. A couple of months ago, she called to tell him that her car (actually the car is in my H's name) needed some work done on it. Our son told her to tell her H to fix it. Later that week, she called, saying that she wanted a new car. Son told her to tell her new H to buy her one. A couple of days later, she called, wanting to come back to our son. Well, our son had recently started dating a very nice young woman (his ex didn't know about that), and he told her that he would not take her back. Then, she found out that our son was dating and went ballistic---and decided to try to withhold visitation. Our son contacted his attorney, and his ex backed down. She actually had the nerve to tell our son that she didn't want her kids around his new GF! ????? It's OK for her to have the kids with her when she shacked up with the OM while she's married, but our son, who is only DATING, cannot introduce his children to his new GF??<P>Anyway, I didn't mean to go off on a tangent, but I wanted you to know that I quite understand that you are doing what you need to do in order to protect both your children and yourself. And, if your wife is selling drugs, you do <B>NOT</B> need her to be doing it from your house. You could lose your home if she gets caught dealing from your home. You also do not need your children exposed to the kind of people who might be coming to your home in your absence, if that is the case.<P>I'm praying that your wife will wake up and realize what she is doing and what she is losing.<P>Take care of yourself and those precious little boys.

Paul,<BR>I'm so sorry to hear this news. I'm still praying for you, and will continue to pray more earnestly for you to have peace with this. Please take care,<P>AW

hello paul, just sending words of encouragement for you and the kids. Take care of those great kids you have!! I am so happy to read about your oldest ss. He sounds like such a marvelous person, such a joy and pleasure. Look at your blessings, look at those great kids!! <BR>You have done a wonderful job parenting them. My hat is off to you. <BR>Sending you prayers, cl

Distressed: I am worried about her, I am a God fearing man and love the Lord with all my heart. When I confronted my W about all this I got the awfulest (sp) feeling. The feeling of death It was strong. Scared me. I now find myself praying for a lost W and a child that is not mine. I pray God moves these feelings. (Also, yes she is lying to OM)<P>Just Learning: Thanks<BR>lostva: Thanks<BR>Empty Shell: Thanks<BR>SDS: Thanks<P>Medic238: I still have the tapes. I've listened several times. Why? My mind has already given up on the marriage, my heart has not. My heart will not let me do what my mind knows is right. I listen to the tapes over and over in hopes that it'll break my heart enough, that my heart will let go. <P>Sweetpea: W has already told me that she does not know if she could handle it if I dated someone else. I would not do this out of spite, and right now I would not be a very good date. <P>Achoholic's Wife: Thanks<P>cl: My sons all bring me great joy. But they are also a great source of torment. I look at them and my mind goes back to the days they were born. Their first birthdays, first steps,words. All in the presence and love of both my W and I. And this hurts. My oldest son gives me strength tremendously. Just to know that he is trying gives me some strength to carry on.<P>God Bless you all.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Paul,<BR>Sorry to hear about your situation.<BR>It sounds like your w's temporary insanity has moved to full time.<P>Good luck with keeping your kids. If she is as messed up as you say they never a stable influence. It osunds like your lawyer gave you some good advice.<P>God Bless

Paul...<P>I'm so sorry for your situation. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Paul-<P>I wish you strenth during these times and I also agree with Distressed. Take a step back...kind of a loving separation. Acting on emotion is not the wise and smart thing to do. My wife filed the papers only after a 7 day plan B. Much anger, hurt and resentment was driving that but now it is too late. So, work on yourself for a while and see if that perspective helps you when you reconsider and have to decide your course.<P>I wish you success on finding your way back to your relationship and marriage.<P>mr rlk

Just Learning: My husand and I told my daughter about her bio dad last week. She cried for about 30 minutes or so and was very quiet. She then said she was leaving and she came back over around 1:00 am. She was ringing the doorbell and when I got up to let her in, she pushed past me and said she wanted to talk to her dad. She then went into my bedroom where she climbed into bed with the only man's she's ever known as a father and sobbed her guts out, saying, "Oh, daddy I love you so much, you'll always be my daddy". She stayed there with him for close to an hour and I let her be alone with him. My other daughter and I cried in the living room. It was truly the most awful thing I've ever had to do. She seems to be okay with it, nothing has changed and at least at this point she doesn't want anything to do with her bio dad. I pray she never changes her mind. Thank you for asking about it. <P>Paul: I know listening to those tapes is extremely painful to you, but she's not in her right mind. I would hate to think that my husband could ever listen to some of the conversations I've had with OM. In my own case, I completely ended it with OM when I thought I was going to lose my husband, but on several occasions after that I had conversations with OM that I should not have had. I'm praying for you Paul, and I'm praying that your wife will realize what a truly incredible husband she has. A man who is capable of loving another man's child (conceived during his marriage) is an extrordinary man. I know, because I'm married to one. Lisa

Ltaylor,<P>I am glad to hear that you got telling your daughter about her bio-father over with. I am sure you are relieved after worrying about this for so many years. I hope the rest of your family has been able to handle it as well. H is probably relieved also. Is your D still handling it well? I'm sure it was a big shock.<P>I was thinking that since your D knows the bio-father that the curiosity factor has been removed. This should make her less likely to really want to interact with him on more than a purely formal level. I also hope that this closure will help you feel better about yourself and you marriage. It does sound like it was a really tough road for you and certainly your H.<P>Best of Luck in all of this. I hope you continue to post here. You are really one of the great success stories and many people need to hear it.<P>God Bless You and Your Family<P>Paul,<P>I don't know what to say at this point. I does seem pretty bleak. However, Ltaylor has been where your wife is and her H has been were you are and they have made it. If I did not know about her story, I would say there is very little hope. But they did make it. Sooo it seems to me that you should proceed on your chosen course but keep your eyes, ears, and heart open. One never knows. <P>If you can find them look up Farmers Wife post. She left H for OM became pregnant, had the child and then realized she loved her H. They were working on it when she left the board. She make be lurking. Try sending her a message. <P>In any event you have done your very best in this whole mess and you should come away with some well deserved pride. Who knows what is in store for you, I'll bet it is something good.<P>God Bless You, Your Children, and Your Wife<p>[This message has been edited by Just Learning (edited October 27, 1999).]