I for one appreciate anyone who helps me on my thread. People posting there is support. Most people know what they have to do we have a plan. The devil is in the details. Its the implementation that sucks. So keep giving advice. Alot of times it helps TONS just knowing there are people out there that care.

Took DS_9 to DSBN regionals. He came in 9th. 8th place was 2 cm more than his jump. Unbelievable. I am so proud of him, he did so well.

DS_9 tried to call MIL. It is MIL's birthday today so he was calling to say Happy Bday and tell her about his 9th place. Someone answered. Then they hung up on him. He called back. The person(I am assuming MIL's BF) said, "Don't call here anymore. Give the phone back to your mother." WTH? Seriously? You are going to do this to a nine year old. WHATEVER. I don't have energy to expend. As I say, "Don't engage stupid people." I think I am going to be doing this a lot right now. I have been dealing with a lot of stupid people. I guess when you learn how to be a better person, those around you don't seem as great anymore. My standards for my personal treatment and the treatment of my family have been raised. It is a GOOD thing. Rise above. That is my goal. ARGH.

WTG DS9!!!

Scotty, your MIL's boyfriend? Is she divorced? WHY OH WHY would someone treat her grandson that way? How did DS9 take it?

I am so happy to see you are reading Queenie's thread. If ever there was an intervention by God, it was in her and her FWH's lives. It is such a great tale and so much wisdom to gleen from reading about Queenie's personal growth while in plan B.

They sure have. Good for you, Scottie.

It's good to keep the silver linings in mind as we look at those dark clouds overhead. The lenses through which we NOW view others -- and life in general, -- are quite useful and valuable, and the great thing is we get to keep 'em as we continue on our journey....

TBC

MIL is D. They have been D for a while. FIL and MIL had MANY affairs during their marriage. Bampot used to say that was one reason he would NEVER have an affair. He didn't want his children to grow up like that. Little did he know. I really don't know why MIL's BF would treat my DS_9 like that other than they are mad at me for the messages I sent SIL. Whatever. Again, "Don't engage stupid people." DS_9 was upset and almost started to cry. I wrote MIL a message on FB letting her know that he tried to call. It's up to her what to do with it. If she wants to ignore that, then there will be no way for her to blame me for her relationship with DS_9. ARGH. WAYTURDS. I always thought that I had a good MIL. Now, not so much.

Same here until my MIL tossed me under a bus (along with my COM) for OW/OC.

MIL wrote back on FB that her BF didn't recognize the number and thought it was some kid playing with a phone. I guess this goes to show that I really need to find out all of the info before I get angry. Funny thing is, when you get angry at someone, you see the things they did in the past a lot differently. Why did I think I had a good MIL? Because she stayed out of my relationship and really didn't say anything to us about things. Well, DUH!!! Of course she wouldn't say anything to her son when he started having an affair. She doesn't get involved. ARGH to ME.

Don't beat yourself up Scotty. Part of you being a better person is that you didn't ACT on your feelings before getting the facts. A lesser person would have went OFF and made a mess of the benign situation. Yes, you were frustrated and maybe jumped the gun, but give yourself a break; with what you've been through and are going through anyone might have a quick trigger. This can be a good learning moment for DS9 about miscommunications- I know you'll take advantage of it.

opt

"Don't engage stupid people." As my grandpappy used to say,"Don't argue with a crazy man". My favorite from my friend from Texas was. "Momma taught me that it was not fair to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person"

Oh SSO those were great.

Thanx Opt. You are right. I was telling my Dad how sometimes we slip back into old habits. I still need some practice at not reacting to things without having all of the facts. Hey, just thought of something. DS_9 gets down on himself when he doesn't do something the way he expected. Hmmmmmmm I think he comes by it honestly. I DO THAT. Always harder on myself than on others. WOW.

Same here...only I find that the more I worry, the more others are pleased with the end result.

(I write, and the more I worry about how bad the chapter will be in a story I am writing, the more people seem to like it)

Aren't people funny? Huh? I keep learning about myself more and more. Just when I thought I knew everything about myself. I mean, I have known myself for 34.5 years, you'd think I'd know EVERYTHING about ME by now. HEHEHEHEHE

Well Scotty,

I have felt as i follow your thread like maybe in some way I could help you by supporting you. That when i told you much more of my story than maybe was nessesary that is some way it would build you up and make you more commited and secure that you were doing the right thing. That you would heal, that life would be better for the journey you were embarking on.


I have come to think of you like a little sister and because this has been more of a girls thread I tend to just read and your supporters are doing a great job. Your convictions today have effectively worked to support me in mine. So I thought I would share them with you.

I have allways held the belief that when we marry its to our best freind more than to our lover. The lover part just brings us closer than anyone else and bonds us much deeper. Freinds support each other, bring each other to accountability in open and honest relationship communication, and do not lie or betray each other. We need our friends. We don't really need lovers.

Freinds activly look for ways to support us, agree to disagree without condemnation untill they can reason things out with us in the most positive healthy solution for all, and even refuse to enmesh themselves with our negative selfish behavior if nessesary to preserve the friendship in the state it should exist in. Freinds have convictions for us when we are lost.

My wife at one time was my best friend and more. When you activly commit to share your life with someone they become part of you forever. If they leave it is like a death, whether they die or not, the effect is the same. Its a loss ireversible inside, and a new life must emerge from the old self, Which is the process I find myself in, as many others here.

The deeper and more commited you are, the more thier problems and issues become yours, and the heavier the fog is when you have followed them into the fog bank. We follow sometimes because we believe we will never be abandoned even if the ship hits a rock. Its a team effort, a joint cause, a commitment and belief that we will become stronger for our mistakes. Its more than a business agreement where money is the bottom line on whether the merger will go thru, we stay committed even when we see each others weaknesses and beleive we will work past them as we grow together. We know we will change, we know they will too, but we keep our commitment because thats what we really have thats valuable. Thats all we really own. Thats all we can really count on. Its that strength we see in others that gives us strength, and what we appreciate in them also.

I could not go back to the years that I loved best, when my wife was in control of her life and was the most positive, when my children were young, when lifes challanges were in front of us and we worked hard to love and live as the people we belived God intended us to be. Those were the best days of my life. I had hope and determination with tenacity that in the waning days of our lives we would look back and appreciate all the struggles we came through.

Those struggles are still precious to me. I don't believe I could be happier than being a Husband and Father, and I am still needed by my children in ways no other woman could understand. So I wouldn't even bring one into it.

Besides, my friends are all I need to enrich my life. I have allways been able to be friends in appropiate ways to women. I might occasionally hear them talk about thier mates but quikly shut them down as I bring up what might be thier side or just because it between them and I wont get in the middle. That affords me the ability to be friends with anyone and enjoy the company. That and the many challenges and adventure life has still to offer keeps me going. Its all I expect now but in ways it so different than I once expected and in that difference it might be even more.


Thank God for MB and the clear knowledge of what love is and what marriage should be, and can be, for the betrayed and the lost. Without it and the definitions I might still be blaming myself for failing my wife. There will allways be a part of me that blames myself and that is my weakness. AS time goes by I am able to dismiss that notion and recognize it as a foolish waste of time. We are accountable for our own actions and it does not matter how much we try we can't make others decicions for them, can't teach those that wont listen, can't love anyone enough if they refuse to see it to help them love themselves.

We can love them for our sakes and because we choose to even if they choose not to love us. WE just don't enter into thier BS when they are swimming in it and throw them a lifeline when they are ready to come out.

Right there with you!

I know MIL had an "explanation", but dirt-bag BF has to know she has grandchildren and to treat any child this way before he knows who he's talking to means her house is no longer a fit place for your children until dirt-bag BF is assuredly GONE.

I'd let her know he's had his one strike.

Bampot is the only one who takes the kiddos there right now and even before, it was pretty much only on holidays. My ILs have gotten their noses outta joint because my kiddos spend more time with my family and with our friends. These are the people who make time in their life for my kiddos and are great influences on them. Just because someone is biologically linked to someone else, doesn't make them "family." I never liked that my ILs didn't put much time into my kiddos. I was always to blame by them though. Bampot never called his mother on her Bday(wonder if he did today) and I always asked him about it. His response was that they just weren't like that. It is foreign to me. Funny thing is, SIL married a man whose family was close, just like mine. I always thought that was odd considering they didn't have it but chalked it up to an "opposites attract" thing.

Green2red, AKA Confused2010, I would like to keep this OFF of NW's thread. This is NOT helpful and will become HARMFUL.


My response.
Green, I did not attack you personally and I will not as I am learning how to avoid AOs and DJs. I have been in Plan B for 6 months and it does NOT mean that I am going to headed for a D. Even DrH would not tell me that because he is not a predictor of the future.

What I was telling NW(not YOU BTW) was that it was harmful to listen to your spin on his WW's affair. You see, you were attacking his WW and making excuses for your own BOYFRIEND. It waqs HARMFUL to NW and went against MARRIAGE BUILDERS ADVICE. I don't know if you have read the material on here, but this was NOT helping NW. He needs to get where he needs to go on his own. If you are angered by my telling him not to talk to you anymore, I am sorry for you. I am NOT sorry for advising Now_what to stop communicating with you. There are MANY times when a BS is advised to STOP talking to the SPOUSE of the AP as it is harmful. I was only protecting NW, not harming you.

Again, GOOD LUCK.

More from Queenie's thread, this one by SMB. It is a verse that she would cling to and it is GREAT.


Oh, just remembered. We drove past a church today and the sign said this, "Sign broken. Message inside." I laffed so hard. That was GOOD.

Mimi wrote that this is what she would tell herself when she felt down
Oh Mimi, in case you ever come back. Thank you. You have helped ME so much.

Hey Scotty, just wanted to say I think your doing a great job with NW and hope the anger from G2R doesnt side line him.
I decided to back off because of the TJ way it was going.

NP, I just decided that I wouldn't engage as I could sense the feelings that were creeping up in me and as I said before, I look at these opportunities to practice avoiding AOs and DJs. I understand what Green2red is feeling, I just made sure that I was being helpful to NW. I am not worried about hurting other posters feelings when what I intend to do is help the creator of a thread.