Ive had my initial appointment with Steve. Im currently trying to get my WW to talk to him. Im hoping he can reach her and help us out with recovery.

I expect her to eventually recommit to the M. All the signs are pointing that way. I also expect some serious trouble trying to convince her that EP are necessary and a good thing.

Ive heard that Steve is great at reaching WS and talking to them in a way they can understand. That he can cut through the fog somewhat.

Anyone had any experience with Steve harley talking to WS? Ive heard lots of bits and pieces about how good he is but I was just hoping that people could maybe expound some on it.

Im just nervous because this limbo im in with her sleeping at her parents house is bad but its predictable. If she recommits there is a entire new set of problems coming my way and Im really counting on steve to guide us through injury treatment and recovery.

Hi! YEG,

I'm a WW who have been receiving counseling from Steve Harley. The first day that I was going to speak with him I was very nervous, and afraid that he was going to make me feel miserable for what I had done. But rest assure, and let your wife know that that isn't the case. He is great, and has never made me feel bad. He knows very well how to get to the point without making waywards feel upset.

Even with his help, it is very , very hard to recover. In my case we are still struggling, but it definitely helps a lot. He always finds a way to get to WS and BS. I spoke with him today, and I'm still trying to process all the info, so you both have to be very patience. Don't loose the hope, and commit to your side of responsibilities.

Good luck,
Rizos

Also, he tells me exactly what I have to say to my BH. Like, for example to go over the Weakness protection plan (done with S.Harley help) every other week. Also the NO Contact Plan, just rules that have to be followed in other to help both of you recovered from the affair.

He explained me how terribly bad I had made my BH felt by having and affair, by giving me examples and comparisons with other traumatic events. How to get to him and make him feel better.

He answers my doubts, and gives me a new perspective. You both are going to like it... Hope this helps you.

Hey Yeg, I am in the exact same position as you. WW taking off to parents house and won't speak to Steve or any MC. She has said all she has to say... limbo sucks

I think she will eventually agree to talk with him. She just doesnt want to talk with him till she decides if she has the energy to give the M another shot. In her mind she feels she has tried to make it work and given me another chance so many times in the last 2 years and she wonders if its irrecoverable.

In my mind she NEVER gave me a REAL chance. She has been in an EA/PA with the OM for at least 2 years. While thats going on I NEVER had a real shot.

I cant force my thought process on her though. She has to come by it herself. Im pretty sure she is compartmentalizing her feelings atm so she doesnt get overwhelmed. She also takes alot of time to decide anything.

She has read SAA though. She told me she didnt have the same confidence in the MB program as I did. She also disagreed with a few things in the book. No idea what since she doesnt wanna talk about a recovery plan until she decided to recommit.

Im just really hoping that Steve can reach her. I really want to have a MB M. I want to be able to trust my WW again. The only way i feel im going to be able to do it is with an O&H relationship. We tried traditional MC. It was a total failure. Going that route again just seems ludicrous. Doing it again just because it is easier and it doesnt require here to be accountable and make changes in her life will just end us up with a bleh M.

Hi Yeg. Just wanted to say I hope your WW will come around soon to open up to a discussion with SH. My WH just had his first session and really felt relieved after he spoke to SH and was glad that the focus of the conversation was not on the affair details but what he could do to start the healing process.

I have been so hurt by my husbands EA/PA that I am sure I have
killed the details to death or memories of the emotions he did or did not have for the OW.

I also had tradition MC with my WW after the first DD and spent over $800 and she never encouraged NC and all we did was discuss the affair and how it made me feel. We accomplished nothing! So much of a waste of money. I know before my WH spoke to SH he was skeptical of why I would trust MB's word as he was trying to say this is a business but now I think he has faith that the methods work.

Best wishes to you and your recovery.

YEG, it sounds to me like she is still in contact with her OM, which would explain her fogginess. If that is the case, then she has already made her decision: to have 2 men meet her needs. That is the best case scenario for a wayward.

We've counseled with SH and a few times my FWH even counseled alone with him, his idea. He can't be that tough on waywards if a FWH decided on his own to counsel with him!

Wrong mindset for you. Drop the expectations.

JMHO
committed

Translation: She doesn't want to talk to him because she will be told to drop the OM. Can't risk being told that.



Well, of course she disagreed with a few things...namely the things that detail ENDING the affair. She isn't going to end a good thing. She's been involved with this person for 2 years...she doesn't have to give him up for the marriage. She is still in the marriage..and got something on the side. CAKE EATING!!!

Question....

Why have YOU stayed in a marriage where your wife has been having an affair for TWO years????

What have YOU done to try and break up the affair?

committed

Im aware that is a distict possibility. She was a cake eater and gas lighted me for years.


I'm cautiously optimistic. Thats all I can say. I am treating this like this is still an active affair.


I found out about the A just over a month ago. Since then Ive exposed her to everyone. Ive contacted his command and the OM. Ive got her dead to rights with a PI and TONS of phone records.

Im currently in month 2 of plan A. She promised me that she wouldnt contact the OM while she was making her decision to stay in the M. Im enforcing that with KL on her computer, monitoring the house phone and cell phone, and GPS on her car.

I know that if they are still contacting each other its deep underground. Not near as obvious as before. Im looking for A phones and stuff. havent found them yet and im looking all I can.

Im prepared to go to PB whenever I can. Im trying to set myself up with a great plan A first.

Even though IMO I think we are making progress I also realise that she could be sneaking around me. WW do that. I get that.

Im just hoping that Steve can reach her in a way i cant. Ive heard he can and thats what Im trying to do.

We've been counselling with SH. He's pretty amazing. WH has been completely turned around from our sesssions - nowhere NEAR where we need to be, but there is actually hope for us now, instead of anger and resentment from WH.

He has a way to speaking to a WS that they really understand, and helping them to understand the trauma they have caused without making them feel like scum. He's very logical in his approach, and gives a very clear cut path to follow, which I find helps WH a LOT. It gives him an idea of where we are going and what we are trying to achieve.

My WW just said said exactly that to me. I said that I wanted her to speak to someone and when she found out who she said no way as she will be told to drop the OM. She also blames SH for the exposure.

I tried to suggest that she could just speak to him to let rip, but she didn't go for that either.