My husband of 22 years started about a year ago changing. He became withdrawn and mean. I found love letters in his emails between him and a old high school girlfriend in his Facebook. Rather then him being remorseful, he was attacking me for getting into his Facebook. He took me off his friends list, locked me out of his email and told me that they were just friends and that it just got out of hand but nothing had happened. Well then he started going to work earlier to get other things done. He would work all the time. Then Christmas he told me that he did not love me anymore and that he was not happy. I tried very hard to meet his needs but then I was being too clingy and was not giving him enough privacy. January he decided that it was never going to work and he wanted a divorce. He went to the attorney and filed. The next day he broke down and told me that he had been having an affair with the woman from high school since November. He said that he loved me and that he wanted to work on us. I told him the only way we could work on us is for her to be completely out of the picture. He agreed and broke it off. Well than she pulled that she was pregnant to get him back to her and he fell for it hook line and sinker. He came in and grabbed all his clothes in front of our 5 and 7 year old and left with them crying. I was so angry, hurt and devestated. I texted him to call our son due to him being so upset. The next day he asked to come home and could we work on us. Come to find out she went back to her husband. I told him again that she had to be completely gone before we can work on us. Then I found out that he was still talking to her on the phone several times a day. I went ballistic and found an apartment for the children and I. Before I could sign the lease the woman rejected my husband for her husband. He again wanted us to work things out. We have been going back and forth since January in this manner. He will not cut the ties to this woman. It is like he cannot be without some form of communication with her. He now states that he loves me but still needs her as a friend. He swears that the affair is over and that it was just something that got out of hand. I am scared to open myself back up. I have nothing left. I am broken and tired. But I love him dearly and have never lived on my own. What is your opinion on this?

My opinion on this is exactly the same as DrH's. There needs to be NC between your WH and his OW for LIFE.

You need to read all of the material on this site.

You can start here.

You will need to expose this affair wide. You will then do a Plan A and prepare for Plan B.

Sorry you are here and Welcome to MB.

expose this to everyone on her and his facebook. all at once. it will most likely end it from what i understand.

prd

prd, why don't you start a thread of your own and tell us your story as well?

He needs to communicate with OW because he is addicted to her. Contact with her will ruin your M, as you have seen. There needs to be no contact for LIFE. Have you exposed this A, alise?

BTW, sorry you're here! But we can help you.

Welcome to MB.

Who knows about your WH's affair? Have you exposed to anyone?

I suggest that you expose the affair to friends and family, asking for their support in saving your marriage.

Plan A for about 3 weeks, demonstrating to him your desire to meet his needs. No angry outbursts, disrespect, or relationship talk during those 3 weeks.

Prepare for Plan B during the Plan A.

Then go completely dark into Plan B. Cut off ALL communication with WH at that time and keep it that way until he meets the requirements that you will lay forth in your Plan B letter.

Have you read about Plan A and B? If not, read Dr. H's articles about them. After you've read about them, post your thoughts and questions here. Let us help you be sure that you have a solid understanding of them, so you implement them well.

Your marriage is nowhere near over! There is much you can do to give it the best chance of recovery.