You are not crazy.

If she was truly repentant as she claims, she would respect your and your H's boundary of NC, which was necessary in part because of HER actions.

She is using the name of Christ as a cloak to try and cover the evil in her heart.

She wants, besides to have that pesky NC dropped, to be able to feel better about herself by winning approval and approbation from her fellow criminal and her victim. Then she can say, "See? It wasn't so bad. We're all friends now."

Someone with a true relationship with Christ understands the nature of sin, accepts the depths to which they had fallen, and the heights to which He can lift them. Never, never, never do they try to minimize or trivialize it as she is trying to do.

Good luck with the R/O. I recommend moving. If your company is large enough to transfer somewhere far away, that would make it easier, but even if you have to both find new jobs I still recommend it. You can't IMAGINE how much lighter and fluffier you'll feel when you're far away from her, and have changed every shred of your personal information.

Someone as sick and twisted as she is might still pop up from time to time, but it's much harder to stalk from far away.

Yep, she's using the Lord's name in vain, here. She's still foggy and it's still all about her.

Please change your email addresses so this self-absorbed lunatic will leave you alone.

I see moving as surrender. Don�t move. She�s so crazy she�ll simply follow or contact you at the new place.

There is a case that can be built on patterns of behavior. I�m sure stalking laws that protect celebrities apply in your case. There�s also the possibility of suing on the grounds of intentional infliction of emotional distress.

You need to gather all the emails, write out all the weird events (like showing up at your kids games) and document all the flower deliveries and bring them to a lawyer�s office.

A competent lawyer can establish a pattern. This woman may be so crazy that she might try to kidnap your kids to try and get you to talk to her.

These are serious things that many judges wouldn�t want to have on their records. Get the restraining order. I�m sure there�s some law out there to protect you, but you must consult a lawyer and do the papers.

Yes, she's crazy.

Don't read this drek.


I would feel extremely creeped out for someone of my gender to tell me they had feelings for me. Especially if they'd committed adultery with my spouse.


Translation: I need you, so you have to help me, because Jesus wants to be nice.

Bull manure.

How dare she lecture you about what God wants you to do. Is she your pastor? Does she have a degree in theology or Bible or something?


The coffee is the teachings of Christ, huh? Delusion.

She should study similes and metaphors in school. She hasn't got the knack of it, yet.


I am incensed and enraged.

She's lecturing you about the commandments of Christ.

She's demanding forgiveness. (AND reconciliation, which she's equating with forgiveness.)

She's trying to tell you how to have a walk with Christ when she's barely figured it out herself, if at all. (I doubt she's figured it out at all, actually.)

And then she says YOU'VE CREATED ILL WILL WITH HER?????? This is YOUR fault??? How dare she!!!! She hasn't hurt you enough, now she has to say you caused it? Is this like when a rapist tells his victim she brought it on herself?

By the way, Christ does not command you to have a relationship with everybody on earth. It is simply not possible.


Poor thing, she feels bad. Looking for sympathy because she feels bad. She's oblivious to your feelings, but she feels bad, and you're such a good Christian (DOORMAT!!!!) that she's pretty sure you'll feel obligated to take her hurt away if she pushes the right buttons.


It's all about what she needs and wants. You need her to leave you alone, but her needs are more important.


It's nice of her to tell you this and straighten you out.


Yeah, it was just a little fun. Trivial. It's not worth you leaving me here feeling bad over.


But certainly not if it means I can't get what I need!


No, God is not the author of confusion. Anybody can lie and say God is leading them.


You should thank GOD that he's put such a strong Christian woman pastor and theologian in your life, huh? You are so lucky to have her!!! I think I'd kiss her toes in gratitude every time I saw her.

And note that she says leaving you in peace would be "sin" and "fear." What bull crap.


In other words, she has no control over herself at all. She can't stop herself from doing what she wants to do.

Take a look at this:

1 Corinthians 1:32,33

"The spirits of prophets are subject to the control of prophets, for God is not a God of confusion, but of peace"

She can't control herself, so this must not be due to God's leading (prophecy).


This is an attempt to guilt you into thinking that you have to have a relationship with this woman.

Ever read what Jesus said about casting your pearls before swine?


She thinks her obedience to God is contingent on what you do. Ridiculous. She'd better figure out how to serve God and do what is right no matter what other people do.


"And I'm seeking to do it while continuing to partake of my addiction."

Guess she hasn't read what the Bible says about fleeing from temptation. Why in the world would God lead her to put herself into temptation's way?

Satan is powerless, but his sword (temptation) can destroy us. We have nothing to fear from Satan, but if we stand there and let ourselves come in contact with his sword, we'll be ruined.


God wants me to be happy.

God wanted me to be happy before with an affair.

Now He wants me to be happy that I got away with it.

Isn't God wonderful?!!!


Yes, we know.


Go get a church. There's only a million of them in the U.S.A....


I am seeing red at this.


Cry me a freakin' river.


Obviously she doesn't know that her continued presence in your life causes you pain.

Thank God you don't have to educate her about this, because it doesn't sound like she'll ever learn it (or care). All you have to do is stay away from this abuser.


Now I know all the lessons God was trying to teach me when I was unfaithful. Now I'm sure that since I've learned what God was trying to teach me, He'll make everything just like it used to be and there won't be any consequences for my actions from me not listening to God the first time. I'm pretty sure this is how it works. I need it to.


Trust Him, and trust me when I tell you what He's thinking. I figured out God yesterday, and God and I are like THAT! I know everything He wants. You need me to explain it to you. Aren't you so lucky to have me? I promise I'll never leave you!!!


I'm going to vomit.


Good thing I know what time it is.

There's no room for differences of opinion on this. There's only my own personal objective truth, revealed straight from God. You'd better accept it.


I am sure you have feelings about this, but my feelings are more important.


If you don't do what I think you should do, there's something wrong with your heart.


Everybody knows people eventually get over this stuff, so why don't you get over it and trust me already!


Can't add to that.

Oh, I forgot to add something:

Dr. H considers moving a necessity in many cases, even where the OW is not a stalker.

I've only been here a year, but that's the worst case of fogbabble I've seen in that time. Especially due to the misuse of the name and faith of Christ. And what a horrible time of year for that, too.

Some people need to be just a little bit more fearful and respectful of the Baby in the manager...

Markos

[Co-signed]


Proverbs 3:5 says, �For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech.�

W

She is more than a nut.
She is a stalker.
She probably has a personality disorder.
Do NOT delete her emails.
File them away .... just in case.

And, NEVER, NEVER EVER respond.

Thank you for confirming my feelings exactly

I really appreciate the translations... I was almost duped by some of them, but not anymore...

Thanks for the strengthening thoughts!!!!

Agree.

One of the things I worried about with the "explanations" I posted above was that you might try to explain all this to her. Don't do that.

Nope, I will not respond to her...I like your translations because they confirmed and put into words what I was feeling...that's what I appreciate about coming here and reading others perspectives...helps calm my nerves and remind me not to react

Dr Harley say's it's best to move far away from the OP. I think you need to re-think your position on this. I have seen many a recovery on MB stall until the move was made.

Definitely get an r.o. That letter from her is beyond bizarre, and honestly frightens me. Please keep yourself, H and kids safe.

In the letter she sounds as if she wants to start up again and is freaky to say the least w/her biblical (really just a twisted mind) rants.

Fwiw, my wxh's ow, monkeyho, took my then wh to a marriage seminar on how to strenghten a marriage. Who in their right mind takes an ow to that? He got busted there by friends of ours in our sunday school class.

OP will twist and weave words and even religion to get their way. Never underestimate the crazy that can come from an om or ow.

Agree w/the others here, do not respond with anything BUT a restraining order.

Where to begin...the last 4 weeks have been harrowing, to say the least...here's a short novel updating you...it feels good to just write it all out...

I found out that he has been in contact wiht the POSOW since October (at least) he was just really good at hiding it...again...and this stupid so called christian polygamy idea came up again...she has been doing some sessions wiht some so-called pastor who tells people how to be good christian polygamist...and my husband even talked to this man (who, by the way has child abuse charges against him)...and I found out he had input into the e-mail she sent me...

how I found out was that we had talked about a response to her e-mail asking for a meeting. I finally broke down and told him that he could reply wiht a no...she responded to both of us, saying that yes, he had already told her that and sent me his orin=ginal reposonse to her in which he was talking aobut how he wanted to bring his two wives together and such...
I was so overwhelmed...he called me immediately...that is when he talked aobut the contact they ahve been having and all that bs...i told him, I wanted to leave, I was very harsh that I don't want anything other than our children and it is over...it is either her or me.

He sent a reply to both of us, saying it is over, he is sorry...that polygamy is wrong and that he was wrong to even think about it...and so forth...

AFter some "emergency sessions with the counselor, I decided to stay through the holidays as our oldest some was coming home and I didn't want to hurt the kids at Christmas...

On the 23rd of December we went to a book store and were buying a book for our son. WH said, under his breath�don�t look to your left�I didn�t understand what he was saying and said, what? And started walking down the aisle, when I looked up, I saw that she has blocked our path and looked like she wanted to say something, I held WH�s hand and he was saying to her, �Just going from store to store�� we went to the car and a talked for a few minutes. He said he was angry over her showing up when we were having such a nice day. He was angry over the whole, I don�t like being rude thing again�saying he just needed to say 4 or 5 more words to her, and then he wouldn�t feel so bad�I told him to go, find her and tell her those 4 or 5 words. He said no, if I did that, I may as well sign divorce papers�I said yes, that�s right. We also talked a bit about why he feels like he has to be so nice to her. I have him a hypothetical situation, I said, if some hockey dad that we were friends with raped me, would he still have to be nice to that guy in public because he had once been friends with him? He said no�I asked well, do you have to be friends with someone who hurts me? And do you have to be nice to someone who is trying to hurt me or someone who is trying to tear apart our marriage? He said no, and that is a good perspective to place it in. he also said that at least he just sort of brushed her off, so maybe she got the message�I said no, what she saw was me leading you by the hand out the door while you were turning toward her and trying to talk�
So, we went over to Wal-mart, he had one item he wanted to look for. We went into the electrical section of the store, he was looking at digital converters, so I thought I would walk forward a couple aisles to the game section and see if there is a game our son might like�I was walking, looking at items, and suddenly, there she is�right in front of me�she says �can we talk?� I said �no.� She asked me if WH and I had been communicating, because "she and him had been communicating over the phone and over the internet. I said we have been communicating, a lot. Then she said the �only reason he sent the response that he did was because of the harsh things I said to him.� I just looked at her, and didn�t respond�after a little bit, I said it is time for this to be over, I need to go and take care of my family. I started to back away when she whirled around and starting waling straight to WH�I had no idea where he was at that time, and he had come up to and was standing at the end of the aisle where we were. Of course, my first impression is that [censored], they set this up�I was immediately so angry�and so upset�I know she may have seen him walk up out of the corner of her eye�but really? Anyway, I walk over there too, and she says we need to talk about this.

WH says, let�s do it this way and put his arm around me and says �this is my wife, we have been married for 22 years and have three children together, I love her and want to be with her. POSOW, please go and have a nice life.� She said, that�s it then? Have a nice life? And she reached to shake his hand and said okay, have a nice life too, then she looked at me and said in a very mean, aggressive tone �are you happy now?� you win� I said, no, you do not get to do that. She said �I have loved him for 2 years� (it will be 2 years in February) I said, �I have loved him for 22 years and you do NOT get to do that� then the next thing I know, she had walked away�

Since then, WH has been walking on air, saying it�s over and he is free and he feels so good and he knows that we have our love and we can rebuild our relationship�I still don�t know how I feel�there is a part of me that wonders if it was a set-up, that they may have arranged that so that they could start up the affair again without my knowledge, if I was thinking it is all over�

I am so hurt from everything... I went into shock for a little while, I couldn't eat or sleep or even feel anything...I was numb...the feelings have started coming back and we are talking again...he still swears it is over...I am very doubtful. I feel like we are back to square one, and that all of the so called work we have done to rebuild our marriage over the past year was all a lie...I don't know anymore what is truth...how could I not see any signs...again? Iknow I did, but then I would tell myself that I am learning to trust and that I need to try to look at these things objectively...so stupid, right?

I hate hearing the things I am finding out...the things that so-called pastor tried to get my husband to do to "force" me into polygamy...it was like he took a page right out of the domestic violence handbook and renamed it how to force your wife into polygamy....to WH credit, he did not follow through on any of those suggestions...he said he could not abuse me in that way...

I have told WH that there are no more chances...one e-mail, one text, one phone call and I am gone...I will not stay married to a man who refuses to stop an affair...to his credit, he has changed his cell phone, completely blocked her from his e-mail accounts, and started a group therapy men's group...which were the first 3 steps I insisted he make.

I am still feeling so lost...I have hit bottom...I am back to taking things one moment at a time...my feelings one moment at a time...this is almost worse than when I first found out about the affair. And nothing seems to address this type of issue...no books out there addressing this situation.

I know if you've read all of this you are probably sitting there speechless...but if you have any encouraging words for me, I would appreciate it...

I have to believe that there is someone you can report this so-called 'pastor' to! This is sickening!

I know, I just can't think of who to report to...I do know he is already under investigation for child abuse, etc. due to his "lifestyle"...sickening is the right word for it...it turns my stomach...I have looked at his internet site...just to see....and I just have no words to describe the feeling...

thanks...

False R sucks big time. He knows what he has to do to keep you: NC FOREVER!!!!!!!!

Personally, I would recommend moving as a condition of continuing R. You don't want to live your life bumping into OW like that. You and WH will never R, or even heal individually.

Keep snooping, and big hugs to you.

Possible MB heresy coming, so if hearing highly conflicting opinions on matters of import troubles you do not read further.

There appears to be only one person capable of eliminating this problem and protecting your sanity and the health and safety of your children, and that's you.

Your WH (note: not FWH) is an extremely sick individual, the whatever-you-want-to-call-it equivalent to a female drama queen.

He ALLOWED CONTACT FOR THREE MONTHS, knowing that this b1tch was a few apples short of a pie, that she was electronically stalking you, that her actions were bringing you pain and emotional trauma. (Go back and read your posts over the past year. I just did, and I'm shaking with rage.) He is ENJOYING this litlle pas-de-trois, Trust me on this - HE'S ENJOYING THE FACT THAT SHE'S ONCE AGAIN ABLE TO INFLICT PAIN ON YOU!

Absorb THAT! Now, give me any reason why staying in a marriage with this scumbag has any value. Because he.......what? occasionally goes "quiet" with his fixation on a three-way life with you, him, and a certifiable mental case? Just long enough for you to find a comfort level before "bunny boiler" and her "pimp" drag you back into the cesspool?

You've been more understanding with scum-hubby than any woman should have been, obviously. LAWYER UP, INTEARS! HIT HER AND HIM WITH RESTRAINING ORDERS. Get him the HELL away from your children before his ideas start seeming less repugnant to them.

This is not enough.
WH gets ZERO credit for changing his numbers.
For all you know, he has secret accounts already, or will next week.

What OTHER conditions have you required as necessary to even TRY to recover from this mess?

STD testing?
Both of you must do this.
Go together.
Have WH ask the Doc in front of you for a complete STD screening because of his infidelity.
This is important that you hear/see WH ask for the test and explain WHY it is necessary.

This is a simple "step one".
If WH balks even a little, it's curtains for him

You got that?

No warning.
No saying to WH; "If you don't do this I am filing for a divorce."
Nothing.
Just observe WH's attitude about following your reasonable request ....

WHATEVER IT TAKES FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES <~~~ should be WH's attitude for the next few years.

Here's what you say to WH:

"WH, I made an appointment with Dr Welby. It's (day) at (time). We will go in together to get STD testing. You will request this STD testing and inform Dr Welby that we both need testing because of your continued infidelity."

Then, be silent. Wait for his response. Say nothing else other than, "This is something I need from you.".

I hope you follow my advice.


If WH gets squirrelly about this simple & reasonable request, he lacks the mettle necessary for recovery.

Make no announcement.
Get an attorney instead and let the filing make the announcement for you.