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Joined: May 2010
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I am just so upset that this OW just broke NC after almost 6 weeks. I was livid! I found out because I checked WH hotmail account (which he does not have the password for) and I noticed his work email was copied as well. I just called him at work to question him about this email and he says he did not know it was there. I do tend to believe him and that is not the part that I am so upset about.
I just do not understand why he was so naiive to think she would stay away just because the relationship was ended. I asked him to write a NC letter to which he said that OWH and she agreed to NC again. well, now I am demanding it again. I called OW's husband he was aware she sent an email but ssaid he just cannot sress about these things anymore and he just has to work on himself. No support there.
I guess I am the only one who sees this as a problem She spent 3 paragrapsh basically telling him I should read more books to help mme stop living a shallow life of survival mode and thanking him for helping her get in touch with her true self. Gag. I guess I am too busy being teh mother of 2 boys to think much of myself and trying to save my marriage. She just needs to back off.


ME: BS 38 H: WH 46 DS: 4y/o DS: 2y/o
Married: 11 years OW: Neighbor/family friend and married
OWH is aware of affair
D-DAY 11/29/09 confronted DH about number of text messages and receive reluctant 2 day confession. No emotion from DH.
2ND D-DAY 5/2/10 DH self confesses to EA and PA
NC since 5/3/10
Both in counseling with SH
(EA began 9/09 PA 11/22 (car encounter)
EA begins again sometime in March 10 and 2nd car PA encounter on 4/23 and WH confesses to affair on 5/2.
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A no contact letter with the threat of a restraining order is in order. It is his job to protect you from this and he is not doing it.

How is it that he didn't see the email if it was sent to his work email?

Quote
I guess I am the only one who sees this as a problem She spent 3 paragrapsh basically telling him I should read more books to help mme stop living a shallow life of survival mode and thanking him for helping her get in touch with her true self. Gag.She just needs to back off.

MrRollieEyes MrRollieEyes

As if you care about the opinion of a degenerate.... TEEF


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I just looked in his email at work and could not find it so I do believe it got scrubbed, but you are right... why do I care about her opinion?? Like she is justifying her behavior by thanking him for the insight she has found in life.

I am under so much stress right now that I am at my breaking point. I just wanted to die when I read that letter. I hate that they seemed to have this wonderful deep relationship.

I just wish my husband understood how I feel. He thinks I was accusing him of contact but the bigger picture is not only was there contact made but he is not protecting me. I am not sure if a NC letter will help but it will surely get the point to her that he is not interested in reading her BS. I am already insecure that our relationship was not fully developed and to read that I am living a shallow life of just surviving is hard to see and then to equate that to the image I portray. I just feel like absoulte crap about myself right now.


ME: BS 38 H: WH 46 DS: 4y/o DS: 2y/o
Married: 11 years OW: Neighbor/family friend and married
OWH is aware of affair
D-DAY 11/29/09 confronted DH about number of text messages and receive reluctant 2 day confession. No emotion from DH.
2ND D-DAY 5/2/10 DH self confesses to EA and PA
NC since 5/3/10
Both in counseling with SH
(EA began 9/09 PA 11/22 (car encounter)
EA begins again sometime in March 10 and 2nd car PA encounter on 4/23 and WH confesses to affair on 5/2.
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Should I try to move up my appt with SH from next Wed to ASAP? I guess it will get better and I should not do my appt when emotions are running high. I have to get my head back on again. I probably screwed up by reading the darn email.


ME: BS 38 H: WH 46 DS: 4y/o DS: 2y/o
Married: 11 years OW: Neighbor/family friend and married
OWH is aware of affair
D-DAY 11/29/09 confronted DH about number of text messages and receive reluctant 2 day confession. No emotion from DH.
2ND D-DAY 5/2/10 DH self confesses to EA and PA
NC since 5/3/10
Both in counseling with SH
(EA began 9/09 PA 11/22 (car encounter)
EA begins again sometime in March 10 and 2nd car PA encounter on 4/23 and WH confesses to affair on 5/2.
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Originally Posted by cyberkat71
. I am not sure if a NC letter will help but it will surely get the point to her that he is not interested in reading her BS.

cyberkat, it is not his "interest" you should be worried about, but his ACTIONS. He has to take ACTION to prevent this from happening. That is all that matters. He will ALWAYS BE INTERESTED as long as he is triggered. The key is to remove to triggers.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I think the best response here may have been absolutely no response at all. Leave the OW to think that her e-mail never reached its target.

Oh, and how about configuring your e-mail reader to automatically delete any messages originating from the OW's address?


ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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I have asked husband to set up her email address as spam which may be happening automatically by his companies intense spam filter. I rarely email him at work because their email spam filter looks for key words and titles of emails to send them to an automatic spam filter.

i guess it was wron to tell OWH that she broke NC? It turned out to be a useless call at best. Her husband is jut not going to force the issue anymore and feels he has better results by giving space.

I have asked to completely delete the hotmail account since I have locked out husband already and I am the only oone with the password. I guess that clears up my curiousity if he really was honest about having no other email addresses. So I need to look at that as a positive.

I have one more week in town before I leave to be with husband in Chicago. Buyers want our house earlier than the end of July so I have been in super chaos pack mode and I did not need another stressor to my life yesterday.

I cannot believe how big of a trigger that email was for me. I was so angry and crying and could not get myself under control. I just want her to keep her words of their relationship/friendship to her own brain. Wow.... This is what traditional MC allows??? I guess she feels free to do and say whatever she wants.

Once this house is sold, my telephone number will be changed for my own protection. Based on the text the OW sent to me last night justifying her email, she must truly believe she has done no wrong.


ME: BS 38 H: WH 46 DS: 4y/o DS: 2y/o
Married: 11 years OW: Neighbor/family friend and married
OWH is aware of affair
D-DAY 11/29/09 confronted DH about number of text messages and receive reluctant 2 day confession. No emotion from DH.
2ND D-DAY 5/2/10 DH self confesses to EA and PA
NC since 5/3/10
Both in counseling with SH
(EA began 9/09 PA 11/22 (car encounter)
EA begins again sometime in March 10 and 2nd car PA encounter on 4/23 and WH confesses to affair on 5/2.
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It might be semantics ....

I don't think that NC was broken.

The NC should be initiated by your H. The letter sent to the OW is simply a request that she not contact your husband. It should be more based on HE will NOT be in contact with her. The reason I say this is because you cannot predict what an OW will do...nor can you hold them to it.

However, you can hold your H to it...and you can insist on precautions being taken to not let her have a path to you, e.g. blocking email (changing email addy), changing phone numbers, removing her as any contacts on FB, etc.

It is up to HIM to put things in place that make contact from her IMPOSSIBLE.

Don't rely on the OW to adhere to the no contact request. Be prepared for the attempts.

committed


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thank you! I agree that contact needed to be made more impossible and the person it should have come from was my husband. I knew in my heart that her drive to communicate would not end based on a break-up of their relationship. She is just not the type of person to do the right thing. She is selfish and self ritious. She feels obviously entitled to keep spouting her opinion and I hope I have put up enough road blocks to keep her opinion to herself.

How difficult is it to make your cell phone number unlisted and not searchable? When the house sale goes in place and we are both in IL we will change the cell numbers. I am just curious how easily she could Google search us again if she is so inclined.


ME: BS 38 H: WH 46 DS: 4y/o DS: 2y/o
Married: 11 years OW: Neighbor/family friend and married
OWH is aware of affair
D-DAY 11/29/09 confronted DH about number of text messages and receive reluctant 2 day confession. No emotion from DH.
2ND D-DAY 5/2/10 DH self confesses to EA and PA
NC since 5/3/10
Both in counseling with SH
(EA began 9/09 PA 11/22 (car encounter)
EA begins again sometime in March 10 and 2nd car PA encounter on 4/23 and WH confesses to affair on 5/2.
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Originally Posted by cyberkat71
Ii guess it was wron to tell OWH that she broke NC? It turned out to be a useless call at best. Her husband is jut not going to force the issue anymore and feels he has better results by giving space.

cyberkat, commie gave you good advice.

What do you mean that it was wrong to tell the OWH about the contact though? You were right to do that. EVen though he doesn't care about his marriage, it is still a good idea to tell him.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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MelodyLane. I expected more cooperation from OW's H. I did not expect that he knew about the email and did not realize the impact it would have on me because he did not know the content.

She has him snowed in on her fog mentality and he is buying it for what he thinks is to save his own marriage. She thinks I am reading a book called Surviving Infedility which I am not familiar with but she blasted me for reading such as book as weight watchers for the heart. Good grief. She would not be happy to read any book on surviving an affair because she is proud of the results and the benefits she gained from an affair with my husband. This guy is just done being controlling he says. So they are in a sort of plan B but with her getting all of the benefits of marriage but still being able to have all the freedom she wants to keep the peace.


ME: BS 38 H: WH 46 DS: 4y/o DS: 2y/o
Married: 11 years OW: Neighbor/family friend and married
OWH is aware of affair
D-DAY 11/29/09 confronted DH about number of text messages and receive reluctant 2 day confession. No emotion from DH.
2ND D-DAY 5/2/10 DH self confesses to EA and PA
NC since 5/3/10
Both in counseling with SH
(EA began 9/09 PA 11/22 (car encounter)
EA begins again sometime in March 10 and 2nd car PA encounter on 4/23 and WH confesses to affair on 5/2.
Joined: May 2010
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well it has been a couple of days since the email and I have finally calmed down emotionally. I was in such a bad place and i cannot believe I was having doubts about myself from an email written by a foggy wayward adultress.

She is still happy about the affair and thankful for her gains from the affair and I see there is no convincing her of anything remotely rational.

Husband finally has new work cell number and I think I deleted the hotmail account plus blocked her email address from our home email address to be deleted instead of even going into spam.

I am leaving Monday to drive up to Chicago w/ our 2 boys to finally be with my husband. It has been a very very long 3 weeks. I cannot tell you the difficulty I have been having wih our seperating and lack of UA due to my husbands current work project. The intense project is ending Monday and we will finally be in person. I am not a good long distance partner but trying to work on a troubled relationship in the wake of our seperation certainly does not help.
I have my 2nd appt with SH next week and I am looking forward to find out our next step.



ME: BS 38 H: WH 46 DS: 4y/o DS: 2y/o
Married: 11 years OW: Neighbor/family friend and married
OWH is aware of affair
D-DAY 11/29/09 confronted DH about number of text messages and receive reluctant 2 day confession. No emotion from DH.
2ND D-DAY 5/2/10 DH self confesses to EA and PA
NC since 5/3/10
Both in counseling with SH
(EA began 9/09 PA 11/22 (car encounter)
EA begins again sometime in March 10 and 2nd car PA encounter on 4/23 and WH confesses to affair on 5/2.
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ck,

For a little ego boost:

Consider what you are NOT...


You are NOT:

a woman who has sex in a car with a married man
a woman who gaslights her husband
a woman who lacks self-control and emails her affair partner's wife
a woman who believes adultery has made her "better"
a woman who is willing to chase after the neighbor's husband
a woman who has so little respect for her husband that she expects him to let her have affairs

and

you are NOT

a woman who will listen to anything that the aforementioned woman has to say.


Because that OW has nothing of value, including her opinion, to offer you.


Schoolbus


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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The OW will get bored and move on. She is a loose women. Her husband condones her affairs so she will continue them. Just wont be with your man since he will be geographically undesirable. So she will just look around the street again.


(ME) BS - 33YO
(HER) WW - 32YO
Married 7 years
DD5
D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA)
Exposure 5/7/10
Plan A 5/7/10 -
Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM
My thread

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