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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He's now addressing the self help philosophy of "take care of yourself, then you can take care of others," and whether this applies in marriage or not.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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IS THAT A RERUN????? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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ok, its not a rerun today!!! Its on right now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He's now addressing the self help philosophy of "take care of yourself, then you can take care of others," and whether this applies in marriage or not. I would think it applies...what did he say?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joyce Harley said "sexting." That was unusual and unexpected.
And then corrected Dr. Harley because it sounded like he was saying a young girl should have terminated a pregnancy.
Not your ordinary, everyday Marriage Builders show, so far...
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I just hear some Irish guy talking about Jesus?
BS: 37
FWH: 37
EA: 2 months, ending June 08
Married 7 years
4 kids (2 together)
Hoping for a Recovery
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He actually said it doesn't apply. I'll have to go find the repeat of the show to say word for word what he says, but according to my memory:
They used the analogy of how on a flight a person is instructed to mask themselves before the child. Dr. H. said this wasn't a good analogy because husband and wife are interdependent partners, not a parent and child, which is a completely different dynamic.
The philosophy of 'taking care of self before others' encourages independent behavior in the pursuit of 'taking care of self' which will drive the couple apart. Because what one spouse does affects the other, you have to work on both at the same time: the self and the couple. Instead of independence one should focus on interdependence.
I think the only case where this may not apply is in the case of addiction because an addict CANNOT work on self and couple.
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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Joyce Harley said "sexting." That was unusual and unexpected. Huh? And then corrected Dr. Harley because it sounded like he was saying a young girl should have terminated a pregnancy. Huh?...I'm lost lol 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Posts: 989
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They are talking about how a bad marriage can harm your health...
BS: 37
FWH: 37
EA: 2 months, ending June 08
Married 7 years
4 kids (2 together)
Hoping for a Recovery
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He actually said it doesn't apply. I'll have to go find the repeat of the show to say word for word what he says, but according to my memory:
They used the analogy of how on a flight a person is instructed to mask themselves before the child. Dr. H. said this wasn't a good analogy because husband and wife are interdependent partners, not a parent and child, which is a completely different dynamic.
The philosophy of 'taking care of self before others' encourages independent behavior in the pursuit of 'taking care of self' which will drive the couple apart. Because what one spouse does affects the other, you have to work on both at the same time: the self and the couple. Instead of independence one should focus on interdependence.
I think the only case where this may not apply is in the case of addiction because an addict CANNOT work on self and couple. Hmmmm...interesting. The idea of the airplane mask came to mind for me too. How can a BS take care of anything if they are worn into the ground by a WS? Seems like the context would make a difference.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Posts: 1,993
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br- Gdar was talking about the radio program - it was what was being discussed today.
About the taking care of self thing: I think adultery would fall under the heading of addiction. Dr. H has been pretty adamant in emphasizing that he encourages separation in the cases of addiction/ abuse including during adultery to protect the BS (women in particular)
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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