Yes, she broke down a few days ago and said she loved him and didn't want to break his heart. The stuff I have to listen to...

Thanks for the advice guys, I was just drafting the plan b letter too.

You should be PREPARED to go to PB at a moments notice. You never know when she could just decide to up and leave or do something SO hurtful that you have to go PB to keep your love bank above minimum balance.

Ultimately you decide how long you can stay PA. Its important to show consistant positive changes reflective of the man you would like to be if she was to go NC and return to the M.

The better your plan A is the more effective your Plan B will be.

Im praying for you and your family every night Mememe.

Thanks for your prayers Yeg.

She told me she has recommitted to the OM after the exposure but says she is not seeing him socially (ummm), still works with OM, doesn't want a divorce, doesn't want to break his heart, still sleeping at parents to help her think, comes home after work to help with kids and put them to bed, will go to MC but won't speak to SH as he will tell her to NC and blames him for exposure. Doesn't know what to do as someone will get hurt whatever (me or OM) and she will be hurt by both... Likes me, but not attracted to me and doesn't know how she ever could be - less hurtful than usual. She said she could live with me and the kids but it would be out of pity - wrong reason. She is taking a day off work on Friday, I asked if she would like to spend some time with me. She said, she would think about it. Later she said she just has no motivation to spend time with me. Don't know if she is planning to move back, she is thinking about it.

Not getting much time to PA, but doing my best. She is fence sitting and seems unable to make a decision.

Just had an IC session she says I should hear what ww is saying and let her go.

1. I seriously hope you are not falling for any of the fogbabble that is coming out of your wifes mouth.

2. I also hope you have not been trying to "Educate" her about what she needs to do. That never works with a wayward.

3. Don't listen to what your counselor says regarding your marriage. Her training in personnel therapy is working against her when it comes to an affair. Only you can decide when you have had enough.

Had a really sweet and honest conversation. She says she really cares for me, I am a good person, would hate to see me alone and doesn't want the kids to have divorced parents. Hopefully, that's not fog babble, but a moment of clarity. No commitment to improve things though. She also moved quite a lot of her gear back in and is staying the night.

I haven't been trying to educate her or put her straight, she mentioned how
much she hates this site and esp plan b and the effect it would have on the kids. She has read my copy of SA. Thinks Sue is a right [censored].

My WW goes back and forth on this stuff as well. One day she is ready to move out. The next she is crying her eyes out on my shoulder. I cant really knock her off the fence either.

She just has it in her head that if she moves out she will be happy again which is of course crazy. My WW has no job and her savings are dwendling quickly. Only reason she is even able to pay her bills is because Im still paying her car payment. She doesnt consider the reprecussions of moving out on her financially and DD4. All she can think about is all the bad years we had (which coincides identically to when she resumed contact with OM).

I am lucky. My wife is at least "considering" speaking to steve. During her breakdown the other night I said we needed help on figuring out which way to go. She was lukewarm to talking to Steve. So I scheduled an appointment for friday am. I informed the WW about it today and offered to split the time betweem me and her though she can have the whole hour. Totally fine with me. She said she will think about it. So hopefully the Holy Spirit or something will influence her.


The wayward mind kills me. My WW can run around and dump the kid off with the MIL and FIL so she can run around getting "poked" by an OM and thats ok. She can quasi move out and bounce the kid around. Thats ok. Divorce is ok as well since we can co parent still. God forbid I just cut her off though and kick her out the nest. Thats bad for the kid.

Saying that though I wouldnt direct her anymore to this site. I know I blocked it on WW computer so she cant see the forums. She can come later if she ever wants too but I doubt she will. I do MB things to her and use MB concepts. I just dont call them by the MB terms. When I mention plans and treatments she clams up. So I just plan A her and she thinks Im just being nice and improving the person i am.


WW can smell their own. Its funny how they can do the EXACT same stuff and its no big deal. Its complicated or different with them. Some guy does it to them or their friends and they are the worse person on the planet.

Keep your chin up. Try to keep your expectations at 0. that way when the bad days come they dont bother you as much.

You should not have shared this site with her yet.

Is she still working with OM?

What about the effect having an affair has on the children?



Or the effect of a divorce and broken family...

Or the effect of teaching kids the difference between right and wrong...

Unbelievable...

The site is mentioned in the SA book, she doesn't know about this thread though. She still works with OM, still sitting on fence. I am not snooping - what's the point I know they are seeing each other. Need to keep trying to negotiate her ending it. I did explain that plan b is meant to help get the parents back together for kids, but little point as she doesn't want to hear it. She is worried about me doing it I guess.

Then maybe it's best to do a short plan A then right into a dark plan B.

She does seem to be warming up a little and it would be good to get a few months in. That is assuming she takes part and doesn't take off to mum and dads house. I think I'll book a call with SH.

What do her parents think of her affair?

They have been a great help and their intervention has brought her home a couple of times. They are most worried about the kids and hate to see the destruction, and us hurting.

Have you spoken to them recently about what is going on?

Not for about a week or so, will catch up with them. This is easily the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my whole life - it will wither destroy me or make me much stronger as a person.