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...I chose to have friends who made my life BETTER. That's why I am addicted to THIS place and all of YOU. My life is leaps and BOUNDS better than 8 months ago.  Sniff.sniff BWAHHHHHH! right back at ya
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...I chose to have friends who made my life BETTER. That's why I am addicted to THIS place and all of YOU. My life is leaps and BOUNDS better than 8 months ago. Sniff.sniff BWAHHHHHH! right back at ya (((Scotty))) Me, too!!
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Scotty
I have not posted to you and I have not read the middle of your very long thread but I did read a lot of the beginning and now a little of the end and I just want to say that I truly admire your strength. I don't know how you made it through what I read in the beginning and I see how hard this plan B is. I hope you are really doing OK.
Hang in there. Your work here with everyone else is wonderful. You are a very strong woman. (((hugs)))
BW-me-56
FWH-GreenMile-62
Married 1982
2 wonderful grown sons
D Day #1 4/1985
D Day #2 10/03/08
D Days continued for a while.
Started real recovery 07/15/10
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Thanx DWG. I don't always feel like I am very strong, but I am a person that puts HIGH expectations on myself. If I slip ad even think about Bampot(my WH), I feel like kicking myself in the azz. I know that I am being a little hard on myself because I am NOT contacting Bampot AT ALL and that is HUGE. I am trying to make an EXCELLENT life for my kiddos and myself and I am saving myself from the drama of affairland. Some days, like today, as it is my DS9's 10th birthday, I am ANGRY at Bampot. He should be HERE with OUR son on his 10th birthday, instead of with WF. I got to listen to my DS7 sing "Happy Birthday" to my DS10(wow, how weird I am a mom of a 10 year old  )this morning, albeit at 630am.  You guys are going to see in my head for another minute. You see, when I hear you all telling me that I am "strong" I don't really think that. I am a person who follows directions quite easily(always have). I can do almost anything, as long as I have instructions on how it is done. I feel the same with DrH. His books and this website are like a recipe for a GREAT marriage. The steps are easy to understand and they make PERFECT sense. Plan A was about making home as nice a place as possible and letting Bampot know that I would be willing to meet his ENs. Plan B is about NC with Bampot(I got that down). Where I slip is about the thoughts and feelings. The moving on. I still wear my wedding ring, and the thought of taking it off makes my stomach turn. When people refer to Bampot as my, "Ex" I correct them. They think I am crazy, but I say, "We are still married." Can't get there yet. That is where I feel like I am NOT strong. I am not thinking about Bampot when I do things new in my life, but he is still there in the back of my head. There are times when I say, "When he comes home, will I do this? Will I change that?" I try to get that thought out of my head ASAP. That is where Plan B is harder for me. I "get" the NC with Bampot. It saves me. I am a work in progress for the thoughts and feelings. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Thanx DWG. I don't always feel like I am very strong, but I am a person that puts HIGH expectations on myself. If I slip ad even think about Bampot(my WH), I feel like kicking myself in the azz. I know that I am being a little hard on myself because I am NOT contacting Bampot AT ALL and that is HUGE. I am trying to make an EXCELLENT life for my kiddos and myself and I am saving myself from the drama of affairland. Some days, like today, as it is my DS9's 10th birthday, I am ANGRY at Bampot. He should be HERE with OUR son on his 10th birthday, instead of with WF. I got to listen to my DS7 sing "Happy Birthday" to my DS10(wow, how weird I am a mom of a 10 year old )this morning, albeit at 630am. You guys are going to see in my head for another minute. You see, when I hear you all telling me that I am "strong" I don't really think that. I am a person who follows directions quite easily(always have). I can do almost anything, as long as I have instructions on how it is done. I feel the same with DrH. His books and this website are like a recipe for a GREAT marriage. The steps are easy to understand and they make PERFECT sense. Plan A was about making home as nice a place as possible and letting Bampot know that I would be willing to meet his ENs. Plan B is about NC with Bampot(I got that down). Where I slip is about the thoughts and feelings. The moving on. I still wear my wedding ring, and the thought of taking it off makes my stomach turn. When people refer to Bampot as my, "Ex" I correct them. They think I am crazy, but I say, "We are still married." Can't get there yet. That is where I feel like I am NOT strong. I am not thinking about Bampot when I do things new in my life, but he is still there in the back of my head. There are times when I say, "When he comes home, will I do this? Will I change that?" I try to get that thought out of my head ASAP. That is where Plan B is harder for me. I "get" the NC with Bampot. It saves me. I am a work in progress for the thoughts and feelings. LOL, I am the mother of 26 and 24 year olds! I do get that, it always seems weird but think of the great example you are setting. When GM told my sons what had happened they ran to my rescue. Even though they lived 65 miles away they paid such close attention and the "mothered" me right back because, like you, I was always there and my life was theirs while they grew up. Funny thing about pay-back, they gave me all I needed to continue to try to make this work and they loved me as hard as they could so I would have the strength to do it. Are you by any chance an oldest child? You sound like me. I am a rule follower, I can do anything I set my mind to with the right directions and sometimes without. I will see whatever it is no matter how painful to the end doing my best to see that it works out. Come he** or high water I CAN make it work if by no other means than my stubbornness. Dr. Harley's books were line item what I always thought a marriage should be so they made such perfect sense that I was baffled that GM knew not one single thing about it, well actually I knew of course but still....how could a grown-up not know this stuff? Dr. Harley's magic is making it so easy to do. He put it all together and thought of all the right ways to make it happen. He is a genius with this stuff. The thoughts and feelings will get better for you I hope. Just keep telling yourself that you deserve to respect yourself enough not to let BP hammer you the rest of your life. Do it, respect yourself. I am no where near through all of this so anything I say can be taken with a grain of *she barely gets through most of her days so.....(it is getting better). What you are doing takes nerves of steel and a heart of gold even when broken. I was lucky enough that I did not have to do any of that so please, let me admire you for that .
BW-me-56
FWH-GreenMile-62
Married 1982
2 wonderful grown sons
D Day #1 4/1985
D Day #2 10/03/08
D Days continued for a while.
Started real recovery 07/15/10
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Happy 10th birthday to DS10!!!!!
Scotty, take the diet one day at a time. I started by eliminating bad things one at a time. Make eliminating sauces or switch to less bad sauces (ie less sugar) as a start.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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((((Scotty and kiddies))))...Happy birthday wishes to DS10...I hope you all enjoy it...I dont know how waywards miss all these wonderful moments with their children, I just dont....LOL at DS7 singing at 630, how cute.....
I couldnt even imagine saying my "ex" until around the past few months, I still say my H (because he is), but in my head I think I could handle saying Ex now...it takes a while but you will get there if he doesnt come around...My Wedding rings are too small (I gained 50 lbs) so I didnt have to worry about that part, but I know what you mean....Its a slow process, i mean we thought we would be with them forever....Hang in there, Scotty....
PS my DS birthday is monday...teeheehee...and WH wont see him either....Waywards are [censored]e$!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Yes, I AM the oldest child. Funny how birth order really DOES affect the way you are as an adult. I OFTEN type and speak the praises of DrH and his GENIUS. It is so easy to understand the way that he writes it and it is like a light bulb went off. It is getting better too and I always make sure I share on here. There are some people who never post and only lurk. If someone else learns from my experiences, then I am paying back in the best way I can.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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You guys are going to see in my head for another minute. You see, when I hear you all telling me that I am "strong" I don't really think that. I am a person who follows directions quite easily(always have). I can do almost anything, as long as I have instructions on how it is done. Where I slip is about the thoughts and feelings. The moving on. I still wear my wedding ring, and the thought of taking it off makes my stomach turn. When people refer to Bampot as my, "Ex" I correct them. They think I am crazy, but I say, "We are still married." Can't get there yet. That is where I feel like I am NOT strong. I am not thinking about Bampot when I do things new in my life, but he is still there in the back of my head. There are times when I say, "When he comes home, will I do this? Will I change that?" I try to get that thought out of my head ASAP. That is where Plan B is harder for me. I "get" the NC with Bampot. It saves me. I am a work in progress for the thoughts and feelings. I totally get this. Another first born here btw. I follow instructions well. I never PA's my now XH but I have seen the value of a BP (mine has been modified since I had no plans to salvage the marriage.) I have seen first hand that seeing him at the front door for 60 seconds could totally unravel the peace I'd gained over the previous 7 days of no contact. I played little games with myself to try and 'get past' thinking of him. If I thought of relevant story to tell in someone's company that involved WXH I would mentally redirect my thoughts to a story that did not include him....I just don't want to talk about him right now...and that is REALLY difficult with my near 30 year relationship with him....same high school, same small home town...child togther...it is hard. But I find the less I speak his name the better I get. I am 6 months from the actual final divorce...just over a year of D-Day and a few days past the day he moved out and we never lived together again. It is hard. But you are doing an outstanding job. Keep it up.
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Had a really GREAT birthday with DS10. WOW, still getting used to him being 10. Went to see Marmaduke. FUNNY FUNNY movie. LOVED IT. Got mad at Bampot by 730, because I thought he wasn't calling DS10 to say, "Happy Birthday." Thought about how he was an azz for missing such an important day in our son's life. HIS LOSS.  Found this on Queenie's thread. I read it when I am not doing something else on here. This one is by Mimi. QUOTE FROM QUEENIE "Here's the truth. I am truly SCARED to do something like that. I have no confidence that I am even worth it."
This is SOOO important. I wish I had the right words to convey this to you. It was one of the most important things that I learned.
I "GOT IT" after reading LOVE MUST BE TOUGH. Dodson said that, in all of his years of helping couples, he determined that the ones that reconciled after an affair were the ones in which the BS was willing to let the WS GO....he insists that the BS has to be "tough" and to gain the WS' respect..
This was actually CONFIRMED to me by my H...first, he was blown away when I talked with him, using the Dodson approach..I told you about my speech when I told him that "I was letting him go.don't want you until you want me"..I could tell that blew his mind..it was a real turning point..my ATTRACTION POINTS went way up...
Then, since RECOVERY and over the years lately, this has been confirmed. My H actually says stuff like: "It's not ATTRACTIVE to me for you to allow yourself to be disrespected" (talking about when our sons talk back to me, etc.). He LOVES it that I speak up for myself now. No one likes a wimp.
Plus, he has said that he lost respect for me those years when he was evidently having an affair, coming in all times of the night, missing in action and I SAID NOTHING or either YELLED (I'm a FIGHT or FLIGHTER).
It's about LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE. I didn't not VALUE MYSELF and did not recognize HOW MUCH MY HUSBAND LOVED ME. You said this, too, about yourself.
YOU WILL NEED TO GAIN HIS RESPECT or else why should he want YOU? He wants to be with someone who is WORTHY.
You are a PRECIOUS GEM. She is GLASS. Insist on getting what your rightfully deserve and if he does not step up and give that to you then YOU DON'T WANT HIM.
You will not WIN him back through BEGGING, PLEADING or BEING "NICE". He will not appreciate you as a person of value that way. Most importantly, you will not appreciate yourself.
What he is doing is WRONG! Stand up and speak the truth about that. Regardless of the part that you played in your marital issues, what he is doing NOW is WRONG, abandoning his family and not giving you what you rightfully deserve, giving it to another woman..WRONG, WRONG, WRONG..and he KNOWS THIS...
He is thinking of you as A FOOL for putting up with it and who wants to be with a FOOL?
Get my point?
It took me awhile to get this but get this now I do.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Mimi also wrote this(thank you Mimi) Read this that I WROTE:
PERSONAL POWER
As I look back over my time here, I consider this one of the GREATEST GIFTS that I received from this forum.
I remain here for that sustenance.
The POWER helps me in my MARRIAGE to this day.
It weathers me through CONFLICTS with my H..yes CONFLICTS from which I used to FLEE..I walk head on into them and SPEAK MY TRUTH...and I see my H valuing ME and RESPECTING ME...AHHHH...PERSONAL POWER....I LOVE IT!!!
Becoming convicted to WORK YOUR PLAN will lead you HERE to where I am...
It has to be YOUR PLAN..not about HIM...
It has to be how YOU WANT TO CHANGE TO MAKE YOURSELF INTO A BETTER PERSON...
Then THE PLAN is REAL, SINCERE AND MEANINGFUL to YOU and that will be communicated to your WS and others....
Starting with the FOCUS ON YOURSELF prepares you for PLAN B which takes all the PERSONAL STRENGTH and CONVICTION a PERSON CAN BEAR...
It is hard to PERSEVERE AND ENDURE during PLAN B..it involves WITHDRAWAL from your WS and RECREATING YOUR LIFE...it did for me...
Yes, Plan B for me was ONLY 3 MONTH or so...but THE MENTAL PREPARATION, SOUL SEARCHING and LIFE CHANGES STARTED WAY BEFORE THEN on D-DAY...
I decided to CHANGE INTO THE NEW ME that I am today and have not turned back...and will not turn back...I WILL NOT BE THAT PERSON EVER EVER AGAIN...
I have a sense of PERSONAL POWER and PURPOSE..my H knows for sure that I WILL AND CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM..I am certainly ENHANCED BY HIS PRESENCE IN MY LIFE..but also HIS LIFE IS ENHANCED BY ME....
I felt compelled to say this this morning...
I am so thankful for getting to this place...
It is VITAL FOR YOU GUYS..especially MY GIRLS..to get HERE, TOO..
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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{{{{{Scottie}}}}}},  to DS...... And .....on Bampot Ya know, Mimi would have LOVE LOVE LOVED you. It's good to some of her stuff again.....(yes, I'm missing me some Mimi....  ). Personal Power and rising above were her specialties. Her special brand of love made many women on here survive and thrive. And quite honestly, you have it way WRONGGGGG when you say you aren't strong. Sure you may not "feel" it at times, but feelings are rather fleeting and should be used as a measure of WHO you are. Where are you on Q's thread? Hers is an amazing transformation.........you'll truly enjoy it and learn a lot........ As Mimi would often say.....Upward and Onward..... Not Ps.....SUPER Congradulations on the weight lose....... 
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Happy Bday to DS10
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Happy birthday to ds10!!! My ds'2s birthday was also yesterday.
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CD-Well to your DS3. I was wondering if it was the same day as I read your thread before. Not, I am only about 16 pages in. I seem to have been BUSY the last few days and I only read when I am not reading current posts on here. I figure Queenie isn't going anywhere. I wanna see if she did go out for that frizbee team. That sounds like FUN and I didn't even know that it existed. It has given ME an idea. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL OF THE SPECTACULAR DADDYS OUT THERE.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I just realized how much I count on seeing your thread every day, Scotty. I hope whatever you are doing it is fun.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I was wondering if anyone would miss me. Guess I shoulda warned you all that I would be SILENT(so unlike me even IRL). I took the kiddos to Great Wolf Lodge. It was SO much fun. I went on water slides for the first time since I was 14. OMG, that's 20 years. Our room was late being cleaned so they upgraded us for FREE. Saw some of my friends who work there and they told me that the next time I wanna go, I should get them to get me the friends rate. That would save me a tonne. I was a little angry that Bampot didn't even try to call yesterday, but DS10 told me that he mentioned it to Bampot. Then I noticed that today, I had 3 missed calls. DSx2 checked their email and Bampot wrote them 3 emails. Phone died yesterday and he couldn't call. Then at 9:30 he wrote the he was sad they hadn't written him back. Today's was that he called 3 times and no one answered, was everyone okay? DS10 responded with this, "We slept at the GREAT WOLF LODGE. I don't need to say anymore." HAHAHAHAHAHA Great. Spent a bit of money but it was so worth it. The kiddos had a blast and the "pickle jar" is in the negatives now with that PLan A.  ETA, I am still in PLan B with my WH, I was referring to Plan Aing my kiddos.
Last edited by Scotland; 06/22/10 08:12 PM. Reason: oops
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Hurray! I was hoping you were off having fun but I missed you!
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I am soooo happy you and your kids had fun....
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Sounds like a fun way to spend your loonies! 
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