The people who usually have affairs are those who say they would never do it. The reason is because they are the ones who have no boundaries.

While many of the BS around here don't have affair, it is because they have boundaries and don't let it happen. People who have affairs have no boundaries.

This is like agruing what came first the chicken or the egg. All waywards have sloppy boundaries. Some WSs will cheat no matter what a BS does. You or I may not have an A as easily as others but there is a breaking point for all. The mileage may vary but it can happen.

Totally agree. They see nothing wrong with chatting with OW or OM, with going for a hike with a opposite sex friend or going to her house and fix things for her and then hang out and chat. Yet this is so common and I see it happening all around me. How come I see it as wrong and others do not?
I saw it as wrong even before my H's affairs, even then.
The other day a good friend of mine H was driving a collegue of his W to several stores to help her carry stuff. I told my friend that was not a good idea and she said I have a dirty mind given what happened to me and that is understandable. but she trusts her H completely and will not change that....
My WH mantra was: i want to separate so I can finally have friends without developing nervous twitches because of your jelosy!
I guess we are the rare ones left on this planet to be able to see things as they are. The rest of the people are just telling themselves a bunch of horsesh/t
blessing

Because others are not you and you are expecting others to share your view. I understand what you are saying but that doesn't mean everyone else will...for a number of reason. So the best policy is to learn not to put yourself in a bad situation to begin with. However, what you see as a bad situation may not be "bad" for others...until it is too late.

They know what they are doing...I do not buy the idea that they found themselves in the sack with OP without knowing..even a kindergartern knows when he is playing with onother kids toy and he knows he is doing something prohibited..
blessing

Of course they know what they are doing. Whoever said otherwise? If they were doing right, there would be no need for the lies and deception.

and humans are self-destructive by nature. affairs, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, porn, over-eating, etc. God has a plan to keep you from all this and keep you sane. it's walking life as a christian and truly being obedient.

prd

No, god has a plan so you learn from all this and use the pain to awaken.
The way of the cross is the only way you will awaken. If humans feel no pain they wil not change
In this case, since we are on MB:
the BS is put thru the pain of the A and can use that to awaken and become enlightened.
the WS wil eventually go thru the pain of the distruction he created by having an A and used that to awaken..
god wants us awaken not in the sleeping stupor we all are (especially me) for one reason or another
blessing

i can assure you God's plan was not for your husband to sleep with another woman. he would not purposefully violate his own law regarding adultery.

prd

Huh? How are we enlightened and in a sleeping stupor (aka denial or willing to accept crumbs)at the same time? I don't understand how that works. I can only speak for myself but I am not in a sleeping stupor and see many, many "awakened" people around me.

life is nor good nor bad and god does not put judgment on it. What happens is life and life is god given and it can't be bad. What happens in life happens with a bigger purpose that we, with our limited mind cannot understand.
It is like looking at a vast beautiful forest thru a keywhole. All you see is a dead mushroom but you do not see the vast beauty of the forest. This is how we see the world with our limited mind, we only see it thru a keywhole.
Sure,it is painful my H left and sleeps with OW but the reason behind that and why this is happening is beyond my limited comprehension, nevetheless, I, just like you, continue to see it as bad and terrible and suffer tremedously, hopefully this suffering will help me break thru the other side.
blessing

You all bring a lot of good points to the table... Thank you so much for sharing them !



teresa

atena, I say this sincerly to you...

Do not be blinded by pain, disappointment or your WH's choice not to wake up. Open both your eyes....wide! Open the door. You don't need to look through a keyhole behind a closed door. The view is much better and clear when you open the door.

Good luck to you.

Yes, I am begginning to see him for what he really is. And I am also beggingin to see that I have less of a burden with him gone. It hurts he decided to end it this way, but for this very reason I can no longer refuse to see the reality of who this man has become and is.
blessing

agreed. you married a cheating, non-repentant loser. God hates divorce, but he instructs you on when to divorce.

prd

god gave him many an oportunity and blessed him with many good things mainly our son and the good things we enjoyed as a family. Being ungrateful is a true sin. My H is the most ungrateful person at this point. Gratitude alone can change your life for the better, and thanking god for its gifts is the most humble but powerful thing we can do.
blessing

are you coming up on six years? are you divorced?

No, I have been in plan B for 9 months
blessing

ok. stay strong.

prd

Teresa, sorry you need to be here.
To answer your questions .... The evil twins, why and how.
I think the most important is the HOW.
At least right away, that is the most important.
HOW did they communicate, meet up, etc.
The reason HOW is more important is because this must be fixed right away.

Remove all the HOW opportunities.



In all honesty, learning the WHY is a much longer and soul searching journey.
For now, just concentrate on the HOW.

Please, take care of yourself.