We got an almost full price offer---after WXH tried to convince everyone it was worth $25K less. (even had a court date scheduled a month out to get the judge to force my hand.) So WX was forced to buy me out at the independent third party offer price. I don't know why he didn't take the cash and let us both go find something else...he is really hung up on getting back into the house we shared....He even said to me the day we agreed on the price he would give me (I've lost everything, I may as well have the house).

I found a really nice little house in a small town 10 miles away from my old house. The price I got it for is awesome....the neighborhood is just what I wanted...older established neighborhood in the old part of this small town. Near the town square and library and park.

I moved out a few days ahead of schedule while I thought WX would be at work...turned out better than that...he was out of town with the OW. I divided furniture and household goods up the way *I* thought was best and most fair....WH did not agree AT ALL and is furious. Said he would 'see me in court.' Really? Over furniture and dishes and lamps? Shrug. I told my lawyer the details and neither of us have heard a word in over a week since the threat.

I've had a medium difficult time dealing with WH getting to keep our dream house. The good news is that ds10 gets to go to visitation at the only home he's ever known...although that worries me for fear he will want to be there more now. But it is hard knowing WH is living there...neighbors told me a girl was there with him the other afternoon when he first got back to town. It is hard. Yesterday I dropped ds off there for visitation for the first time. Luckily I had a friend with me and I was able to not become overwhelmed by sadness. I'm agitate though...my BIL...WH's brother....told me the best piece of advice that I am hanging on to....he said, 'Eventually you just won't give a *hit.'

Life goes on. I can take some comfort in knowing he is strapped by buying me out. He can't really afford it. Maybe that will put a crimp in his little fantasy world.

That is it. My little update. Trying to survive.

A lot has happened in the last year. It is normal to resent all the changes. Your new home sounds lovely. You have a terrific chance to decorate just the way that you want. Enjoy!

Sweet! Thanks for the update, SW. I am so glad to hear you got a nice little house.

I find it kind of interesting, really, that he wants the house. Also his comment about losing "everything".

Think about it....is he trying to recreate - YOU? With OW in the house, the things you had together?


Now......here's your revenge factor, and you didn't even plan for it.


Imagine him and OW, and how the arguments will go:


WH: I just want to be happy!
OW: I can't stand living here. "She" is everywhere! Her things, memories of "her"....all over what is supposed to be MY LIFE!
WH: I really like this place! It feels like home to me! Can't you just make it work? You can be happy here too, we can be a family, think about how nice it can be!
OW: You need to get rid of this stuff. It's her stuff!
WH: It's MY stuff now! ........ It's OUR stuff!
OW: I want my own stuff - I don't want "HER" in OUR LIFE! I can't stop thinking about her!!!



Gee. Nice way to throw a bomb into affairland, and all because he just cannot let go of his memories. He hasn't even thought this through. You can BET his OW has, though.

Right now, she might not be saying much. She will....boy don't you know she will.


SB

OMG

You have NO IDEA just how true this is........SB, are you clairvoyant?....

This is exactly what happened to my Aunt, who was an OW. She left and D her first H for OM, moved in with OM, married OM and this is EXACTLY one of the reasons they ended up D. She HATED living in "their" house. Never mind it was a huge mansion with live-in maids and nannies. Never mind she was the envy of the town. Never mind she would never live as lavishly again. She HATED that house.....

Yep, pay back at it's finest.....

Interesting side note, the OM's wife found out about the A and SHOT the OM 3 times........

I always heard stories and rumors about my aunt growing up and when I read this it reminded me of this stuff, so I did some Googling. Un-freaking-believable what you can find out about your family on the Internet......

Not

You maybe be right....one of my good friends had this to say about it...

>> am sooo worried about you SW... i just hear such sadness in your voice all the time anymore.. i know you are sad about the end of your marriage.. i am sad for you.. i would be sadder though watching you be treated like he was treating you... you are so much more valuable than that.. you are the smartest most beautiful person on the inside and out that i know.. i would absolutely love to look like you.. be as smart as you.. and i know you are worried about DS10 wanting to be at the house with WXH more than with you.. i am not making fun of you.. at all.. but i had to giggle.. you know his security and comfort is with you.. it has nothing to do with where you live.. he will probably be more comfortable at WHX's since it has been his home for so long.. but he is always gonna feel more secure with you.. no matter where you are... seriously.. DS is a pretty smart boy and it goes without saying that he is perceptive.. he knows who has been the one to take care of him and make sure he has everything he needs including love... an education.. swimming.. piano.. and even if he forgets for a moment being a kid.. cause they do sometimes.. when he gets older.. he is gonna look back and say.. man.. i have the best mom in the whole world.. look at how she made me a well rounded person.. i just think you are being so hard on yourself.. you are beautiful.. you didn't do anything to cause the demise of your marriage.. on the contrary.. you did everything to make it a great family life... HE is the one that messed everything up.. listen to me.. your friend.. you are a prize.. you are a good mother.. a good christian.... and with or without a man.. you are an assett to any company.. to any household.. you just make the world a better place.. sooo remember this when you start to feel stressed about what could have been.. that is not what God had planned for your life.. he has plans for you...
ok.. i am done.. for now.. lol.. i love you dearly...
your friend forever...
or is it BFF..lol..>>>

And this friend added that every move WXH makes in this house will be filled with memories of me....

Hi SW, I so agree with school bus and recreation of his past life with you. Why else would he want the house.

Same thing happened to an old friend many years ago. They built their dream house and her XH had an A at work and boom destroyed it all. My friend whose father built most of the house wanted to get rid of the house. Her XH wanted to buy and did.

Got M to OW and some years down the road...guess who got the house OW...there is karma

I believe he has his entire image tied up with the house. According to my brother WHX often mentioned how the house would make 'a killer bachelor pad.' I never quite got that because it is actually a really 'killer' family home. But I think it speaks to his overwhelming craving to impress people...especially young women.

So I think his INTENT is to use the house to impress people...but I think the reality is that he will find memories of his life with me in many places in that house. Or maybe not...he may be so shallow that I never cross his mind. Oh well. He is no longer my prolem I guess.

I wouldn't worry about that. Make a nice home for him with lots of love and support and structure and a place for just his stuff and spend time with him there. It will take some time, but you'll start building your own memories in your new home.

I've been separated 2 1/2 months and have found that all you can do is be a good parent and hope your stbx is also.

~optimism

Wow, SW, I am so glad you posted this, to see how amazing you are doing. Your son feels at home wherever you are. And if this makes his feel less uncomfortable when he's with his dad and the home-wrecker, then it's a win-win, because I know in the end you do want your son to be comfortable.

Thanks optimism.....how long before your D is final? Did you move out or your WS?

Thanks. Your post reminded me of what another friend said to me recently..she saw a sign that said, 'Home is where Mom is.'

There is a pit in my stomach knowing I have to drop ds off at my old house in a few minutes. This is rough. I feel a lot of anger and sadness today

{{{{{{Smiling}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry for your pain.......

Ditto...I wish I knew more to say, just that I understand.

120 days. October 19th. My 42nd birthday.

She moved out. So, I stopped short of trying to add insight, because our situations are somewhat reversed.
Your post has made me think. I've begun converting our house into my house, including doing an "energy clearing." .

I won't worry about it yet.

N2F: I went with Kozy Khaki for the bedroom...

opt

Well, I had the house for a year. An entire year. He moved out with a court order breathing down his neck...angrily telling me he would NEVER need those winter clothes (I packed up all his stuff and hauled it to his new apt) because it was only the first of June and he'd be back in the house before fall....well, he wasn't.

Anyway, there are many reasons I am better off without that big house. I am not UN happy with my new house. It is just a gut punch that he gets to go back to our old one. A gut punch when the neighbor girl tells me she saw a 'woman' with him over there. It is hard. Today was brutal for some reason. I would have preferred to not have to see him at all...bad enough to see the house....but he was waiting in the driveway...I didn't make eyecontact...just kissed ds good bye and backed away.


I know I won't always feel this way. But today was brutal. I was on the verge of tears from the time I woke up. After I dropped ds off at 2 I picked up a few things I needed from Best Buy and Wal-Mart...came home and forced myself to DO things....work, work work...it helped a lot. I don't feel like I am about to crack anymore.

I think Khaki is nice....:)

I now have wireless internet...ds will be happy when he gets home...and I've made a spot for the computer armoire I've wanted for 8 years and WHX would never let me have.

Just trying to stay busy and work through the rage.

As a child, we moved many times.

Houses are not homes, unless the people inside make them that way.


You have memories of that house being a home for you, for a certain period of time. Carry that period of time with you as a good part of your life.

Carry only the good memories across the threshold into your new home, and let those "home" memories help build the foundation in the new house for new ones. Plant some flowers, paint the walls, hang your son's artwork on the fridge. Have some friends over for dinner, and make sure you all hang out for a glass of wine and relaxation afterwards, to break in that feeling of friendship and casualness that every home needs. Before they leave, make a date for the next time they are coming over.

When you drive into your new driveway after dropping your son off, remember that you are coming HOME - and your son will be coming HOME, too, soon. Buy some flowers to put on your table, or get some popcorn to pop when he gets back, so the two of you can share a movie together to make that homecoming warm and special.

Soon enough, this new house will be HOME to you and your kiddo. Every day, you will come to that house, and inch your way toward a comfort with calling it home. Your son will, too.

Chances are, you two will be out somewhere and he will say, "Mom, let's go home" first, because he's tired and just wants to be home - where he's comfortable and feels good. With you. That will happen fast, too!


As far as rage, remember, your WXH will soon be wandering the halls of the old HOUSE. He will walk right into the memories of you and his child at every corner. He cannot avoid it. Neither can his OW, who will be sharing those lovely thoughts day in and day out.

Meanwhile, you will begin a new life, without the burden of those ghosts that WXH faces. You start your life with a clear conscience, a fresh threshold (in more ways than one), and a chance to have a home with cheeriness and happiness - because you came through this with dignity.


SB

Keeping yourself busy is VERY smart! I was worried when I came home I was afraid that I was going to think about the OM, so I decided to keep my self busy at ALL times! I even made a "TO DO" list of everything I wanted to do that day. It helped sooo much, and when I wasn't busy I was texting my husband, to see how his day was.

I can sit here and honestly say I never had a "withdrawal" from the OM because I kept myself busy, and now I'm just so use to being so busy, and I LOVE IT!

So keep it up! It sounds like you are very happy where you are at.