My fear came true. WH fell into the trap again.

My addiction to online game is the cause this time. However WH also admitted he is partly at fault. He should have told me that i am already an addict. He saw i was happy and left me alone. And I didn't notice that I was not giving what he needs.

To make the story short, he found somebody to talk to. He fell in love with her. And she (the woman), somebody who is also being ignored apparently by his boyfriend, is more than happy to meet his needs.

I finally quit playing my game last january or february. All those time the reason I'm playing the game is to fill up the emptiness inside. I was seeking attention as well and so on.

Before this, I was already jealous of that girl. I was not comfortable with her. I can't explain. Women's instinct?

After I quit, I went back to my old routine. I miss my guy. So I started doing what we do for the last 10 years we've been together ( 3 yrs Married/ 7 yrs gf/bf ).

Out of the blue, I have finally been able to crack WH's password on his cellphone. I don't remember it now actually. I got lucky and was able to read enough (this was 2 weeks ago). I was not able to sleep. I came to his arms crying I can't sleep. I didn't told him why.

Then a brilliant idea came over me. I searched our two computers not knowing what to look for. And I did found out something. It was a saved conversation telling each other goodbye. It broke my heart.

In the message he was crazy in love with the girl. He said he couldnt live without her. And the girl is the same.

I went to our room (this was early morning before I go to work), kissed him goodbye. Suddenly I burst out crying. I couldn't help my self anymore. I asked him if he wants his freedom. Because its breaking my heart as well that he is suffering because he is with me. He said no. He wants to stay with me. It hurts that I want him out.

Its like being stabbed since its the 2nd time. The problem is the first time, we didn't talked about it. We ignored the problem.

But this time around, though its hard, I insisted that we talked. I'm glad he obliged.

We made up. We came to an agreement. Here comes the but.. But, I'm going crazy as the girl is still within reach.

Plan A includes no contact with the lover. Its not possible now. And its driving me crazy.

I am thankful though that WH is doing what he can. To avoid at all possible means. He even considers going abroad to avoid her. And like our plan before, I'm gonna follow him eventually.

But sometimes, I can't help myself. I still wonder and it hurts. It hurts a lot that I wanted to go back to sleep and stay there.

I guess its just normal.

I thank whoever got the time to read my story. I can't talk about it to other people.

Avvie, I don't know your story about what happened the first time. And what you wrote about this time, isn't very telling either.

Have you read all of the material on here? I see you registered in '08 but you only have 2 posts. Do you need some help with something?

Here is a thread that I started to help newly betrayed spouses and it has all of the beginning info you should read. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

READ EVERYTHING!! In scotland's thread, it has everything you need to know, and gives your guidance what to do next.

Is your H still in contact with the OW?

Keep snooping, don't let your guard down when he says "I am not seeing her or talking to her"

Ask him if you can have all access to his emails, text, phone, FB, etc.

And one last thing and certainly not the LEAST!! YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR HIS AFFAIR! BOTH OF THEM! Their is NO justification when a spouse cheats, it is only because they are selfish, remember that!

Thank you Scoty and Sapphire for the reply. As of the moment I'm in panic. Constant panic. Its been days now. I'm trying my best to calm myself. But I'm beginning to notice I'm falling into a depression. I don't wanna work. I don't wanna eat. I just wanna lie down and die. Because not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering.

I think I'll begin with the guide Scot mentioned in his thread, so here it goes.

How old are you? How old is your WS(wayward spouse)?

- I just turned 29 and he will be turning 30 this October.

Do you have any children? How old are they?

- none. If you consider our pet cat our baby so we have one. She's 4 years old.

How long have you been married? Is this the first marriage for both of you?

- We've been married 3 years now. Yes its our first marriage (we don't have divorce here so no chance of getting married again). But weve been together for 7 yrs before we tied the knot.

How did your WS meet their AP?

- She is his student (which complicates it more). They got sweet to each other while we are not on good condition. He was unhappy with me so it seems that time and she makes him happy .

How long did the A last?

- I don't know.

How did you find out about the A?

- Intuition. He keeps his cellphone locked. About 3 weeks ago, I said to myself, hmmmm.. it won't hurt if I snoop around. I saw a post done by my WH that he is so happy he woke up blah blah. And that's not me. I seldom hear him say he is happy lately. Well I found it out on his cellphone. It is her. I'm crushed. I wasn't able to sleep. Then I got a brilliant idea to look into our computers. He has saved conversations. One is the goodbye conversation. He was letting go of the girl but the girl don't want to. And there something like, "I would like to die. I couldn't help it. Its wrong etc." Rereading it slices through my heart. The conversation took place last Mar 29. I found out this June.

Have you ordered the book Surviving an Affair by Dr Harley? Have you read it?

- Nope. But I have his book His Needs Her Needs.


As of this moment, my heart is breaking. Their whole class agreed to watch a certain movie. Its required. She is there. I'm crushed. I couldn't work. Jealousy is eating me.

I still do snoop around. I got his ym on save archive mode. The only thing I don't have access is his cellphone. He don't use it much when I'm around lately so I can't see the new password. I think I have to get creative. The day he will let me read it is the day he already the reformatted the thing.

I'm just so stressed out about everything. It seems I can't relax or something.

It hasn't been that long since your discovery day. You are going to feel a tonne of feelings up and down. This is why we call it a roller coaster.

Have you read all of the info on that thread? Do you have any questions about any of the info you read?

Do you WANT to try to recover your marriage? Have you read all of the info on Plan A? You will need to start that ASAP.

BTW, I am a SHE not a HE.

Eeeekk sorry, Scot ~_^.

Yes I did read about Plan A. And it means he needs to be totally separated from her. But that's a bit of problem at the moment. We can't afford for him to lose his current job as of the moment. And he sees her every other day in school. She's still his student. I'm currently overly angry with the girl. She has a boyfriend! for pete's sake. I want to go there and slap her etc. But I remember being a young adolesent myself. It's a delicate stage.

Okay, what are you going to do? BTW, Plan A is for an ACTIVE affair, which is what you are doing right now. You are right that your WH will have to stop all contact with OW for recovery to begin. You are going to decide what is most important in your life. Do you want to save your marriage or do you care more about your WH losing his job?

How old is OW?

Does the OW's boyfriend know about the A? Does anyone in your family or his know, or do your friends?

I know you can't afford for him to lose his job; it's frightening on top of the already terrible state you are in. It did happen to me - my H and the OW were both fired. It was a college. It can and does happen, so it might be smart if you started looking for alternative jobs for you and him. If he is her teacher, that is huge grounds for dismissal if the school finds out. If they did anything on the school site or during his work time, it is also grounds for dismissal. Please don't think you can keep it a secret - he needs to get another job ASAP, or you do or both.

I am sorry; I completely understand how awful it is. It is not your fault.

I agree, he needs to look for another job, he can not stay there!! Start looking sweetie, and remember that we are here to help

Avvie,

But I remember being a young adolesent myself. It's a delicate stage.

I think from what you wrote this "woman" is in high school, so you need to speak with her parents, this is a horrible situation if that is the case.

God Bless
Gamma

In some countries, "high school" is different than in USA. Older, like community college.

Is the OW a legal adult where you live? Or is she legally still a minor?