I have been with my wife for 10 years, 7 of them married. We have 3 kids: 10,5, & 3. She moved out 2 weeks ago to her moms house. We both have the kids 50/50 since then. She moved out to have time to think about what she wants. She said she has not been happy for about a year. I want to of course save the marriage. She told me she loves me and is in love with me but not like she use to be. She also has said that she can not love me like I need to be loved. Whats worse is my wife cheated on me one time and I found out about it 3 weeks ago. I know it was a one time situation and I found out about it after finding out she told the person to never contact her again it was a mistake. Of course this has killed me, but I can also see she is ashamed, feels quilt truly sorry for her mistake. Now I would be lying if I said this was all her fault. Back a few years ago, my tongue was pretty sharp at times. I have said hurtful things in moments of anger. I feel I have turned around in the last year or so but I believe she has been lost to see it. My wife thought I walked on water in the beginning. She was a stay at home mom and went back 2 work at a job she now loves. That�s about when the distance began. She tells me that she is �dead� inside to everyone except her children. I think she is really depressed. A brief history of her and she is 28, her 1st child died at birth, her dad has never had anything to do with her and is a drunk and her mom has made really bad decisions like choosing men over her daughter when she was younger. I have seen the errors of my life and this has been a life changing experience. I really didn�t know things were this bad. My wife was good as gold one time. I truly forgive her for her mistake, once. I don�t think that will be a issue again. I am looking for advice on what to do. We have a counseling apt set for July 1. She doesn�t believe in counseling and doesn�t think it will help but she is will to do it. She doesn�t talk to me much and pretty much wants me to stop talking about the issues right now, until she finds out what she wants to do. I seen a lawyer a day after I found out, but in my heart I knew I didn�t want to file. Right now I would say she is leaning divorce, but can just tell something is telling her no. She will say hateful things in the heat of the moment. I have also told her to look me in the eye and tell me theres nothing there, she did but later on told me that the only reason she told me that was because I told her too and that she wanted me to shut up at the time. Any suggestions on how to handle this. I know she loves me. I feel if we do or say nothing it will not end well. Thanks in advance.

Your WW is likely still in contact w/ OM or is getting her needs met by other men. Either way, you shouldn't allow her to leave your marital home with the kids. I would get with a lawyer to determine your legal rights and your states laws. IF you live in SC, you are in a very good state to end her affairs and get her committed to the marriage. If you file for legal separation on the grounds of adultery, she will likely get no spousal support, and you may very well get primary custody of your children because of her moving out. Right now she is in a very selfish mode, and many times the best way to get a selfish person to work on their marriage is to make getting divorced such a painful option with stark consequences. Then you will have an opportunity to work on the marriage if she comes back. However, placating her and rolling over for an adulteress will only get you divorced. I would get the paperwork filed now and let the consequences of her decisions force her back. You be the man and take charge.

I live in SC so I can answer these questions for you as well. Ive filed but not served.

There is no alienation of affection love for SC.

Infidelity is a BAR from alimony now and forever. She will get NO spousal support if you can prove it. To prove it you need inclination and opportunity. Inclination is the reason they want to have an A. Phone records, PDA are all inclination. Opportunity is they have to be alone so they COULD have sex. Going into his house for a couple of hours. Motel rooms. Overnight trips together

Consult a lawyer on this. You need a bulldog. Go for the throat on a temp hearing if you go that way. Go big or dont go at all. BTW its a southern state so the WW will get a leg up on you for primary custody. Its a backwards system so NEVER count on a judge to rule out the mother.


ITA. Its hard to run a PA if she isnt in the house. Id read up on the carrot and the stick. Its in the notable posts section. Filing for a D would be towards the stick end.

You need to be in exposure mode to and gathering any evidence you have of the A. That way you can prove up this stuff to a judge/ people you expose too.

Be sure that FIL and MIL are on the list of exposure. They might not be so accommodating and supporting their daughters self destructive tenancies. I know mine are NOT and are pushing my WW back to the M.