Alright so I'll just start from square one and try to get all the details in.

bs 21
ww 20
married for 1 year 6 mos
no kids
own a house together
together for 4 years

My wife and I met 4 years ago she was 16 i was 17, we had everything in common while we were dating and did everything together and fell in love. We were together for about a year and a half before i left for boot camp. after i left we were seperated for about 6 months while i was in training, after training shed fly out and visit often and we surprisingly had a pretty good long distance relationship. We both knew we wanted to be together forever and the way the military works is your required to live in the dorms on base unless your married or have been in for atleast 3 years. Therefore we rushed into marriage, we both knew we wanted to get married but both of us agree we wish we would have waited.

over the past few months we have had some major problems, we stopped doing stuff together, started arguing about everything, then the affairs started. she started talking to alot of old guy friends and meeting new guys, theyd text back and fourth flirting and sending pics of eachother, when id confront her shed say they were just friends and get offensive and turn it on me saying i was crazy. well a couple months ago the fighting got worse and shed move out for a few days, then come back then after a week or 2 shed move back out, after almost every argument shed move out with "friends" well finally she ended up moving out for about 3 weeks. it wasnt until after i had found out she was living with another man. and within those 3 weeks she had slept with 3 other people and kissed countless, then i found a prepaid phone with her sending nude pics to about 6 other guys and having phone sex and cyber sex. it was alot all at once it was like she had just gone completely insane!

After that i kicked her out. she moved back in with her parents for about a month, then i allowed her to move back in with me to work on our marriage. We started seeing a MC and I had been on this website trying to use HNHN to bring her back to me. Our MC said that my WW felt inexpeirienced and wanted to act her age and by being married to me she felt that she was being controlled and locked down by me and was acting as a rebelous teenager would to her father.

My wife agreed to end everything with everyone and "grow up". We had a great week together doing all the activities we both enjoy together and i thought we were headed toward recovery.
well that lasted about a week. after a week she said that she felt like i was her father and she was grounded. And that she felt like she couldnt leave the house because she has no girlfriends because she doesnt get along with girls and only has guy friends and i would not allow her to hang out with guys. So I told her if she only has guy friends then id love to meet them and we could hang out as a group, she immediately got offensive and said she just wouldnt hang out with anyone at all and stay locked in the house and started going off about how she couldnt be her self if i was with them because i would get jealous. i assured her i would not get jealous unless she was doing something innapropriate, so she told me that i thought everything was innapropriate. Then she refused to go to counceling and moved out for 2 days

Bottom line im running out of energy and now i feel like im the father of a pissed off rebelous teenager. i pay all bills do all the cleaning cook dinner, she does not work or help with anything.

2 days ago i asked her what SHE wanted and she said she felt like it was too late and she felt our marriage was broken. So i asked her if she would move back in with her parents if i paid for it, she told me she liked this state and wanted to stay here. (at this point i just wanted her out of my house so i could move on) So i told her i would sign a paper giving her the right to act as if we were not married and that she would agree to a noncontested joint petition divorce. she signed the paper and instead of moving in with one of the OM like i thought shed do, shes been having the time of her life, over the weekend she went tubing with her "guy friends" then to the beach and then went bar hopping, she came home sunday morning only to shower and change then left all day again and came back at around midnight last night.

I still love her, and i dont want to live without her but its getting to the point where i just dont know what to do im tired of being so hurt all the time. this is not the girl i fell in love with. does anyone have any advice? is it too broken? if so what do i do? i cant just kick her out can i? i know i cant continue to live with her in the house if were not together, itll hurt too much having to see her on a day to day basis. I just wish shed grow up and be with ME again. I know ill get responses saying i have to figure out what I want first so Ill just prioritize it from what i want most to least.

1. i want to fight for her to come back to me.
2. i want her to move back to her home town.
3. i want her to just get out of my house and move in with OM

i know this post is long and more of a ramble than anything but any help would be amazing. thanks in advance

Hi Never-again, some of the MB vets will come here to help you.

Sorry you find yourself here. You appear to be a mature young man trying to do the right thing.

First and foremost stop financially fueling her A's. Does she work? She is using your home as a boarding house to come and go as she pleases because SHE CAN.

Don't pay for a thing while she is wayward.

WW felt inexperienced and wanted to act her age?? Acting your age is not sending out nude shots to 6 different men? Fire the MC, he is fueling her unacceptable behavior.

Read "surviving an A".

thank you hope, I have removed all extra features from her phone, she cannot text, send or recieve pic/video messages. and is limited to 450 mins per month. this was the lowest plan i could go without cancelling the bill completely. also right now i am BROKE myself i cant even afford to buy a pack of cigarettes, so im kinda using that to my advantage to quit and do alot of housework to keep busy, so she has not gotten any money from me, and she does not work, yet is still managing to go out and do stuff. so someone else is obviously paying for her. And i agree that her doing this is not "acting her age" but she thinks its normal for a 20 year old to "have fun" and being sleezy is apparently fun to her.

neveragain, I know we as BS do crazy things but this is one for the records. You gave her permssion to NOT BE MARRIED and now that she is following this signed paper you are upset. No more Mr Nice Guy. Read everything you can find on this site.

Waiting for some of the MBers to come on board.

1. Fire your marriage counselor.

2. Please, please, please, contact a lawyer and file for divorce ASAP. Trust me, you don't want to save this.

3. Do not, under any circumstances, move out of your home unless ordered to by the courts.

yes i know that was kind of crazy, for some reason i thought maybe shed either realize im fed up and come to her senses or at worst shed just move out with the OM and get out of my life. I dont know how to take control of a situation without being controlling, if that makes sense, im either too nice or too mean.

i agree to #1 and #3 completely. im still unsure if its worth saving or not yet

The facts are she is cake eating. You are paying her bills so she can run around. Whats there not to love? Of course the dudes she is hanging out with are paying the bills. In their mind they are dating.

You seriously need to get a lawyer involved. He can read that BS paper you signed and tell you the reprecussions of it in your inital free consultation. Just go for that dont put a retainer down yet.

Im not a lawyer but here is what I see.

You agreed to pay for her
She agreed to give you a no contest divorce.

So if you breech the terms so can she. She can protest the divorce.

So where is the downside? SHE is the one that wants the D not you. She is running around and if she isnt involved in an A yet (unlikely) she will be soon. You will catch her and the courts wont hold you financially liable for support.

Even if she gets support it wont be much. You dont make much. It wont last forever since she has the capability to make her own money and you havent been married long.

I cant advise you what to do with your M though. Only you can.

Just remember as you get older it gets more and more expensive. Kids cost money and are a permanent tie. More money you make the more you are liable to pay in support. Recovery is VERY hard. BOTH sides have to want it. You cant push a rope.

You don't want this Son.

Please, go file so you can get on with your life.

There's a slim-to-none chance it might be worth saving ... the beginning to that path can look an awful lot like the beginning of the path to divorce.

Have you read about Plan A and Plan B?

You have been married for less than two years, in that time she has left you multiple times and slept with at least 3 men (Probably more) Time to file, you might even get an annulment.

Has she ever been diagnosed with any mental problems, Bi-Polar, etc?

My XWH started to use the term "controlling" when i wanted to save the M. Of course she will say you are controlling -- you are ruining all of her "fun". Replace control with assertive. You need to protect yourself and your own feelings and have boundaries. Signing a "play as you want" paper is neither controlling nor too nice.

Only you can decide if you want to save your M. I do agree with some here that with only 1.5 years invested in this and no children (true blessing), it will be much easier for you to move forward with your life and use this site as a learning tool for your next relationship.

File for a divorce. That "agreement" that she signed is not worth the cost of the paper it was written on. You are young and have plenty of time to find a woman deserving of your love. This girl has a lot of growing up to do. Do you really want to wait around and see if she finally figures it out? She doesn't have a clue about what marriage is supposed to be.

I seriously doubt you will end up having to pay for ANY support for her because (1) the length of your marriage, and (2) there are no children of the marriage. LET HER GO!!!! If you were my son, I'd escort you to the courthouse and help you file the divorce myself. If she's doing this so early in your marriage imagine what she'll be capable of a few years down the road.

GET OUT NOW!!!

i agree with all of you and have considered all of that, and im getting to that point, theres just something about me thinking that shell change after she realizes these other people are just telling her what she wants to hear so they can sleep with her. it sounds pathetic i know and i should probably let her go, its just hard because ive been with her since i was 16 years old.

I almost never outright advise someone on this board to go directly to divorce, but that is what I am advising you do.

But, for kicks, grins and giggles....

Have you exposed her affairs?
Your parents, her parents, any one who has morals and can put pressure on her to stop this foolishness?

Guess what? Many of us have been with our spouses for much longer, and still they cheated on us. This woman clearly is NOT marriage material. You can't force her to be. You have to accept the fact that you made a mistake in judgement marrying this woman so quickly and so young and move on with your life. I promise you, you will find someone MUCH BETTER than her. She is a typical romantic, hopping from one guy to the next until the romance wears off. This woman is probably going to marry several times and have several different kids from different fathers. You need to divorce her and pick a more suitable, grounded partner in the future. If you accept this now, she will continue to cheat on you the duration of your marriage.

Well, you know, there's a slim chance that might be possible.

As I asked before, have you read about Plan A and Plan B?

Sigh...this is such a mess...I do agree file for a divorce, but if you can't and you still want to try to save this marriage then I hope you know your about to get on a HUGE roller coaster ride, that will be bumpy and hard!!

Here is what you need to do...

1. EXPOSE her A's ALL OF THEM! Get on FB, tell your family, friends, her family, her friends, co-workers etc. Make the exposure NUCLEAR!

2. Start working your Plan A, read about the carrot and the stick about plan a.

3. Gather ALL the evidence you can on all of her A's, file it somewhere, where she can't find it

4. Talk to a lawyer, to see what you can do financially.

Sorry you are here but if you want to save your M that is exactly what you have to do...if not, then what are you waiting for? File for DIVORCE NOW!

I have read plan A and B and i have exposed to my parents, and friends, not hers. Last night she agreed to move back home with her parents. She also said she loves me but after everything thats happened she thinks our relationship will never be the same and that we should just call it quits. Should i still expose to them or just let her go?

Sex with 3 other men, living with another man and kissing countless men within 2 years of being married? You need to expose to everyone and see a lawyer at once. Try to get an annulment if possible.

It is absolutely essential that you get tested for STD's. She has put your health at great risk. You know she has been engaging in unprotected sex. Please don't waste your life on someone like this. Find someone in the future who can respect you and a marriage. She has no clue. You judge people by their actions and not by their words. She has absolutely no respect for you and your health. If you do not respect yourself then who will?