I read another post about Plan B can take up to 18 months. My question is..If WH has been living with OW for over a year, how can the BS get over a betrayal that has gone on for so long. Early on I could have easily taken back my WH, but now I don't think I can do it or even if I want to. My Plan B is difficult, because we have 3 children. Legally I can't deny him seeing them, so I have to converse with him on occassion. I'm I crazy for feeling this way?

ss, Plan B has nothing to do with cutting off contact between him and your kids. Plan B is for YOU. And there is no reason whatsoever you need to talk to him. People with kids can and do go into very dark Plan B's.

So you have the book Surviving an Affair? I would get that to make sure you fully understand what you are dealing with here.

Frankly, if he has been living with the OW for a year, I would file divorce and maybe drag out Plan B for a year if you want to wait that long. If he isn't back by then, he probably is never coming back.

If you dont want him back thats your decision. Its best to give yourself that option.

I know scotland is in a very long term plan B but she would LOVE to have a chance at recovery.

I have been in a very dark plan b since the end of last Sept.

I have three kids with my WH.

I have a very good couple of intermediaries who communicate about finances and child issues for me.

It is best to stay dark as can be even with kids. Each direct contact, even about them adds to your resentment of the affair.

I have to honestly say, I can see it takes time for some waywards to work through their stuff to find their way home and in plan B you can work through YOUR stuff too. We all have it.

Yes, if they come back, you can not hold the grudge of them having lived with another person. That would kill any chance of recovery. You put it behind you, you create a new relationship based on making each other happy in the present and future and avoid being the source of unhappiness.

It isn't the best of all worlds but it is the best way to rebuild if given the oppurtunity.

I hope for that oppurtunity one day. I will give it my best shot, from my side of the spouse equation if it comes.

What reading said. Plus, I have faith in the MB plans and I know that this is my BEST chance at recovery and that is where I am at. The thing is, I may only get personal recovery. That's still okay with me. This Plan really does make the BS a BETTER person. That is worth it in my opinion. Will My WH EVER want to come home? Who knows? Either way, I will be READY.

My MIL has an interesting story to tell.

MIL discovered her WH in an affair. Huge blowup on d-day, with LOTS of fighting and FIL left the marriage.

MIL and FIL got a divorce. FIL married his OW, and the two were in their affairage for 7 or 8 years. FIL adopted the daughter of OW.

Then, OW cheated on FIL, and left FIL for HER affair partner. Yep, 'tis true. OW cleaned out the house one day, FIL goes home to find a note and nothing in the house.

OW moves on to her new AP, takes the daughter, and she's gone.

FIL and OW divorce, pronto.

FIL goes crawling back to MIL. The whole time, MIL has been very nice to FIL. She remained for the entire 8 years in Plan A, being the best woman she could be. She improved herself, grew as a person, and stayed strong. Looked pretty good to FIL.

FIL shows up to get the two boys for his visitation, talks with MIL. Romance rekindles.

FIL and MIL then....remarry one another. YEP. After 8 or so years apart, the two remarry.


They stayed together until last year, when FIL died in his sleep. Their last words to one another before he went to sleep were "I love you".

So you CAN get through this betrayal. MIL got through multiple betrayals. Long-term betrayals. She is remarkable. The daughter - the one who was adopted? She is in our lives, and in the life of MIL, too. MIL says that she cannot turn away a part of her husband - that this daughter had no part in the betrayal but was a victim in much the same way they all were. This is truly a remarkable woman.

Thank you for reminding us that there are such good people in the world.

Divorce him now! Get on with your life. If your paths cross down the track then you can take it from there. Good luck

True enough. The point of my story was that you CAN remarry down the line and make things work.

If you want to.

If you are ready.

If you decide that is what is right for you.


If your WH makes the right changes.


Lots of "ifs" there.


Fact is, my H has told me that all of the "ifs" actually were NOT met in my IL's story.

My FIL actually cheated - again - on the remarriage to MIL.


What a jerk.


MIL and FIL still made it work.

My MIL is one special woman. I'm surprised she just didn't shoot him

Here in Texas, they do have a defense "He just needed shootin'"

Would that one qualify???? Just kidding!


SB