Yes. It was kind of interesting hearing them talk about how the picture and the comments could be explained. WH told DB that he had thought I had seen the page and he told DB that "My heart f*cking stopped and I thought 'What now?'" I don't know what made him think I saw it but then he was pretty confident that I didn't. I think they are both on high alert right now.

Do you feel like you are watching your life from outside your body? Surreal isn't it?

You are doing great though. So many people come on here who are not able to keep up the snooping as long as they should. They confront too early and lose their advantage.

Yes, it doesn't feel like it's real. And sometimes it feels all too real. Good to know that someone out there understands.

Yesterday was interesting. He was working from our local library and called me to see if the boys and I wanted to come meet him for lunch. Now, he works from this library at least once a month and has NEVER had us meet him for lunch. I was wondering if he was doing this to see how I would react and to make sure I don't know anything. Or maybe once the panic from the Facebook prank subsided, he felt a bit of remorse? I'm interested to hear your take on this one.

It is possible he is feeling remorse. Also entirely possible he is putting in his 'family time' because he is planning to do something on his own soon. My WXH often did this. He would say go to services with me Sunday morning and then 'out of the blue' go off with his friends Sunday afternoon.

I've noticed he is now doing it to our son. He took off a Friday and took ds to the lake....a week later he took off a weeks vacation and went with the OW to FL. Must suck to be him. (and your WH)

Yes, I never thought of that. We are going to see my mom this weekend so it's my guess that he will want to go out for a big night out with Dirtbag next weekend (over 4th of July). He must be setting me up for that. Maybe they will call OW/ButterFace and have her go out with them. I don't think they will be doing much on email any time soon.

Yep. I feel sure he is planning for his weekend...sick games they play...not sure if it is to asuage his guilt or keep you from being suspicious.

Would be the perfect time to hire a PI.

Probably a little bit of both.


I'll see if I can find out if he's planning something. My thought is that he will go out Friday night (since his last Friday night plans were spoiled by a visit from my father). All is quiet on email so I hope to get something from the VAR.

We're going to see my mom this weekend. She has cancer and is going through chemo. It will be nice to ssee her and take some time away from this madness.

(((Anne)))) oh my you have your plate full. 2 young sons, a dd on the way, parent with cancer and a WH! Hang in there.

Btw, my mom is a 6 year survivor of breast cancer. That chemo really wacks a person....I know it is rough.

Thank you SW! This really speaks volumes about WH that he would do this to me at this time. I told him on May 5th that my mother has cancer. He told me he was sorry that day and asked a few questions. In the time since, he has only asked about her twice and that was in passing. He has never asked me how I am doing or if I'm okay (I'm not). He's so wrapped up in his other lifestyle that I don't think he thinks much about me, my mom or what I'm going through right now. This, as much as anything else, tells me it's over.

This reminds me of LLL's story. Her WH started his affair when LLL was away caring for her terminally ill mother.

AND it reminds me of my WXH too....when my mom was diagnosed he was of no comfort to me. He did not come to the hospital and sit with us for the surgery. My dad and I took her home the next day....WH went to work...picked ds (3 at the time) up from the sitters and dropped him off at my mom's house at 10:30 that night so he could go to deer camp. I was in such shock that he didn't cancel his hunting trip....but I didn't complain....I couldn't...I was barely breathing from the terror I felt over my mom having cancer.

It sounds like your WH is much the same....he really makes me ill...I know you will be glad when this is out in the open.

I have been reading these forums for almost five years now and have never posted, but the absolute destruction/train wreck that is about to hit Annes husband has prompted me to do so.

There is no doubt in my mind that this man is doing things he should not be doing and that he has one very serious case of entitlement. When Anne confronts with no room for him to spin, total disclosure or else attitude, I believe you will see a man on his knees begging forgiveness. I do not see this as the typical wayward case you see day in and day out here. The total shame and humiliation that is about to come down on him will knock his feelings of entitlement two states over.

Only Anne knows how much she can take, but I believe she can set the bar as high as she wishes and he will follow if she chooses to stick around. And he will dump DB over his family in a heartbeat.

Anne, I am sorry you are dealing with this. It is truly heart breaking. I only post to give you things to consider from another perspective for when the bomb drops. Good luck

I agree 100% with RTX.

That's why I've really been worried about Anne dragging this snooping out so long. It has totally drained her love bank and she's talking about going straight to plan D.

I think her husband has been trying to impress dirt bag and emulate his lifestyle, but in his heart may still want to be the good husband and family man. If the confrontation is done right, there may be a great opportunity to set the bar as high as you want.

It is not a typical wayward case, he doesn't seem to have any emotional attachment to butterface.

Anne,

I have not posted to you before, I am GM's wife. I just caught up the last few days here and even though he is giving you excellent thoughts I just want to say a couple of things and give you my support. Your WH sounds so much like GM.

I agree with RTX. A world of hurt is coming for your WH. His college, frat boy, bad boy existence should have ended long ago. His life is so normal like this now he probably rarely thinks of it hurting you or the family but is only worried that you will find out and he will have to then behave like a married grown-up. I doubt he ever even thinks about how you would feel and may think there is no way you will ever find out. This was GM for 26 years. I had our children, raised them almost entirely alone (sorry GM you were good when you were paying attention but that was not much). I lost every member but one of my FOO and did all the work for them and took care of them while raising the kids with little concern from GM. I know where you are right now. Take care. GM and everyone else are giving you the best advice and you are doing everything perfectly. Be ready for your WH to crumble when he learns that you know and he sees himself in YOUR eyes for the first time. GM was the most entitled a**h**** I have ever known and he fell totally apart, hospitalized apart. He is now grateful, remorseful and working on us. I hope this is what you see.

Just sending support, I hope this is how this plays out and you then get to decide whether to stay with a repentant and remorseful FWH or leave to make a new life for you and your children. The ball will be in your court (sorry, I am watching Wimbledon right now)

DWG, this should absolutely be added to any of those threads floating around or started about how to defog a wayward. You have just so very succinctly summed up this experience for me. Thank you.

(Sorry, Anne, mini T/J over!)

DWG, glad to be able to put husband/wife names together...

Anne, I've been thinking all day about the couple of posts above mine..people seeing hope and encouraging you. I have probably not been very helpful in that area of hoping for Recovery. I don't 'see' your WH the same way they do. I will be curious how he does react just to gauge my own perceptions....

I don't think he will fall apart the way GM did. I totally humiliated my WH and he just acted like it wasn't happening. Kept wearing his wedding band right up until the day the divorce was final. Still hasn't told our hairdresser of 20 years that we are divorced..at this point I'm sure he KNOWS she knows, but he NEVER mentions us being divorced or him living in an apt for a year or having a girlfriend. I will have to say that I went plan D immediately. I never gave him the chance to do anything to save the marriage. Many times during our seperation he would say things that made me know he wanted to reconcile, but I would cut him off. And the night I confronted him with the keylogger evidence he was in shock....he just sat there staring at it trying to comprehend that I had EVERYTHING printed out that he had said to OW on line in the last 6 weeks...I had logs of all the porn he had been looking at. I was very business like that night. One thing I remember him saying is, 'I was thinking maybe if we just moved away from here and had a fresh start....' I know that was his way of saying he would do anything. I didn't want it. The betrayal was too much for me. It wasn't just about adultery...it was about a total lie of a his life with me. I didn't even know what the real truth was about what kind of man he was..I just knew I couldn't get over it and had no interest in trying.

So I guess what the others are saying to you might be true. If you want to reconcile I think there MIGHT be a possibility that he will do what you insist upon to restore the marriage....which is why MB recommends you come up with your list now before you confront in case you/he want to restore.

I couldn't trust that it would be for real. I though had prior experience with him saying he would live life one way and then failing to follow through. Your case might be different.

Hope you are enjoying time with your mom!

I think his suggestion of a "geographic solution" to the problem is pretty clear evidence that he didn't ever really get it. That seems to indicate a desire to turn back the clock but not to really change himself, and seems to indicate a lack of remorse or guilt. He wanted to just wipe the slate clean and start over. Its the "Etch-a-Sketch" concept, the idea of a child. I think you did the right thing.

- GM

Funny you see it that way. Points to the way I 'know' WXH and how his twisted mind works. It was a sincere plea....I don't know what all he would have offered if I had 'bit' on it.....but to me no matter what he had to say it was too little too late.

No, the problem really isn't ButterFace. It's Dirtbag. And I really don't think that WH will give up his friendship with Dirtbag. However, if he is willing to do that, there is hope for our marriage.

DWG, thank you for your insight. I come here so I can gain perspective from the experience of others. I do hope and pray that you are right.

SmilingWoman - Thank you for all you said. I feel like you truly understand what I am dealing with. That's not to say I've lost all hope. I am just being realistic and handling this all in the way that will benefit me the most.

He's planning a big night out on Friday. Maybe I will get the last piece of the puzzle. Either way, the meeting with the attorney will likely take place on July 12. Just two more weeks! No matter what I have, I will confront after I have met with her and know more about what I am dealing with on that end of things.

Thanks again for your advice and insight. You've really helped me through all of this. It won't be much longer now...