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I'm so sorry to hear that the little guy is sick - poor fella!

That's who I was with - not at baseball practice! He begged me not to go to work that day - to stay home with him. He was burning up with fever. I felt bad enough having to go to work anyways. I wasn't leaving him all evening as well.



Peace,
LaLa

FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story
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Meetings are an hour long, LaLa - Yeah, yeah plus the drive to and from, I know, I know...Listen, I understand that having a sick little one is HARD, but you going to a meeting is in his best interest...I'm riding you on this because I CARE!

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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I understand. Thanks for caring.


Peace,
LaLa

FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story
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http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2330853&page=1

Hey Lala,

Here's a thread that I *think* may help you a bit. It's a thread by PrincessMeggy with some issues she was having last winter. Pay particular attention to Dr. H's reply to her on the situation........
kiss

Not

not2fun #2400518 07/04/10 09:02 PM
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Been away for a few weeks - what's happening LaLa??


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Hiding out? Why?


Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Nah - not hiding out, just working on the things we should have been working on a long time ago. It took us a while to really get into the habits of spending our UA time together and working the program - and tonight was my first AA meeting. Life kept getting in the way, until we realized that life was always going to get in the way - we had to find a way around it! This past couple weeks has been great. We have spent hours talking and reading and answering questions at the end of each chapter, etc. Love Busters has been a real eye opener for me. I figured it would be, though, since I was always the one with the anger issues. I had been wanting to get it and read it for a long time...but always found excuses why it would have to wait.

Anyhoo it's late and we are going to spend some tme together before bed. Just wanted to get a dialogue started again since we are finally on the right track.

A note to HPB - I went to the AA meeting like you said, and when I started to introduce myself and give a very brief run-down of my pot addiction, I was told that the meeting was only to discuss alcohol addiction and that I would have to wait until after the meeting to say anything. That would have been helpful info!! Sheesh!! I thought you said that AA was applicable to all addiction??! This weekend I am going to the hospital NA meeting, thankya very much! And I'll keep looking until I find a group that focuses on the 12 steps, which is pretty hard. Most of them are discussion groups. The one fabulous thing that did happen was - after the meeting a woman my age came up and introduced herself as a severe pot head and that while she was an alcoholic, pot was definitely her strongest vice. We talked for some time and exchanged numbers - she is very cool, and someone who could probably help me a lot. Funny - she had never even been to a meeting in my town before - didn't even know why she came. Once we spoke she said it was clear to her why she ended up there tonight. Very cool! The meeting leader who had to stop me came up and apologized afterwards and said it was just the "rules" so it really wasn't a big deal - I'm just messin' with you a little HPB!! grin


Peace,
LaLa

FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story
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Since all addictions have similar roots, you can solve the "identity" issue by just saying "Hi I'm Ren and I'm an addict".

Edit to add: If you are working the steps, you don't even need to talk about pot at all; for example, if you are working on step one inventory and identifying what you are powerless over, that's legit for any 12 step meeting. Most of your work will be done effectively with a sponsor anyway.

My husband's first sponsor was AA oriented, while Kasey was dealing with sex addiction issues. Steps are steps - always the same issues. I once was told until you're working a program for chocolate, you haven't dealt with all your addictions.

Last edited by KaylaAndy; 07/13/10 10:48 PM.
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Hi KA - I had the same idea - but when it got to me and every other person in the room said "I'm an alcoholic" and I said "I'm an addict" it still kinda stood out. Honestly - it was no big deal. It was just my first meeting and I was already feeling out of place, so when everyone else has spoken a little (some talked quite a bit), I felt like I should say something, since I was the only newbie, and that's when the leader told me the discussion could ONLY be about alcohol...I just think that's strange. Drugs are drugs no matter what, yanno? But I respect their rules, so no big deal!


Peace,
LaLa

FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story
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Can I ask - what is the best way to get with a group that only deals with the steps...or are they worked out mainly with your sponsor? Who gives you your sponsor?


Peace,
LaLa

FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story
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Look for someone who reminds you of Melody Lane in your group and ask her to be your sponsor. naughty (edit to add - Pepperband would also make a great sponsor if you were to run into someone who reminds you of her)

Seriously!

You want someone who's going to see through your "persona" and help you get down to what's real for you - what you're hiding from about yourself. You work the steps with your sponsor. You share your experience, strength and hope in meetings. For now, as a newbe you can simply say, I'm Ren - I'm an addict working step one, then sit down. Because can you really say that you have experience strength and hope to share at this point?

Anonymity is a tradition you probably want to study a lot. What it means to you. Since you struggled here with looking like you had the right answers, you might embrace this tradition for you personally that you are studying up on the nuances of it's meaning, then keep the discoveries for your conversations with your sponsor.

Most of your 12 step work is done on your knees, in your journal, via phone or instant messaging with your sponsor unless you live close enough to meet face to face. Your sponsor will not feel like your friend. But they will be the most true friend you have ever had because they'll hold that mirror up and show you the person who took you to using - every weakness, every defect, every flaw. They'll help you embrace your imperfections. Edit to add It's running from our imperfections that make us vulnerable to using to escape the pain of disappointing ourselves and others - so getting real with who you are, warts and all lets the healing begin.

It's a beautiful thing to meet that person in the mirror in your fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth steps. Your sponsor is a facilitator to help that happen honestly. It will bring a new meaning to the phrase "Openness and Honesty" in marriage building terms.


Last edited by KaylaAndy; 07/13/10 11:56 PM.

Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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KA ya nailed it! Not much to add.

lala, I can only reinforce the same things KA already said.
Just one reminder; Upon entering into a meeting, make sure you always take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.

You had EXACTLY the experience I expected you would. lol

You'll be fine, just keep showing up and asking questions before and after the meetings. This is when you discover people like the woman you've just met.





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Whoops, double post..

Last edited by HerPapaBear; 07/14/10 05:51 PM.




Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Bumping this one too, hoping to get an update.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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