I am 49 years old, 2 kids (boy - 13, girl - 12)my wife is 50 years old.

I just found out that my wife is addicted (she says) to cocaine and is having "coke wh0re" sex with a very good friend of mine!!!!!!


I am doing all I can do to understand this, absorb it, and carry on.

It started going on over 2 years ago!!!!


I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!

It is effecting my work (as I cussed out a customer just yesterday and lost that account), it is effecting my patience with my children, it is effecting my desire to get my work done!!!!!

At first I wanted her out of my life, did not care what happened to her. Then I thought I wanted to help her and try to fix things.

Well now I just do not know what I want, or what is best.

It gets worse everyday!!!!!

cocaine is bad,
cheating is bad,

doing cocaine, and shacking with a good friend? Might just be to much to handle!!!

YKES! First I'm sorry you are here, but that sounds very bad! I wouldn't blame you for hurting!

Have you told anyone of her addiction and Affair? That would be my first thing, to expose everyone, family, friends, co-workers, etc. See if they can help her with her destructible life.

Then I would READ EVERYTHING on Scotlands thread

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

It's a lot of reading, but if you want to save your marriage then you need to know everything on this web site, it will help you. There are vets on here that can really help!

After exposing, read up on carrot and the stick of plan A.

Good luck and again sorry you are here.

Dr. Harley says that the MB program will not work in the cases where there is an addiction. Your wife needs to get that resolved first. You should tell everyone what's going on and maybe stage an intervention of some type?

Sapph I'm pretty new around here but I think that Plan A will not work as his WW is actively addicted to Cocaine. I don't think Plan A is the best course of action.

I think there should be an intervention and his wife needs to check into a drug rehabilitation program.

If she refuses Dyn, you need to go into a dark Plan B, get a separation and the children. She should not be allowed unsupervised visitation. You need to protect his children and himself from her.

well if I understand Plan A right.

Plan A is accomplished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The cocaine makes it so much more complex, even provides explanation, to a point.

She tells me she did not want to be there in the first place. She wanted the drug, he had the drug. He gave her the drug in the first place. Then he proceeded with his game.

Do not get me wrong, shes not innocent by any means!!

He would tell her things to bust me down, cause he hung out with me, we golfed together, and he would tell her things I would say about my marriage and her. He told her I was doing cocaine behind her back to make her feel like I had secrets why can't she. I wasnt doing cocaine!!!!


She has said that she was only there for the drug. The things they did was so she could get the drug. There were conflicts going on in her head all during it.

She said she only did the things she did so he would give her the cocaine!!!



I feel she is being 100% honest with me. But is she being 100% honest with herself?

She has gone to see a treatment center

She is still at home

But the treatment center set up an appointment like for the 28th of this month

that seem odd?

Get her in rehab and then into NA. While she is doing that get everything in order to protect you and the children should this fail. During this time you can decide what you want to do. Read everything here. Snoop snoop snoop to find out if this is all there is to the story, yes it could be worse. Lose the friend, tell him to leave her alone and if she gets into a facility make certain he can not call or visit her. This is by no means an impossible task but it will not be easy, none of us have had it easy. Welcome to the rollercoaster of I love her/ I want her gone/I want to help her/let her go. It will continue for some time if you decide to stick this out. This program will work to restore your marriage but the addiction has to go first. If nothing else it will restore you and give you the tools to go on with your life intact and have a better relationship in the future.

Welcome to MB. Hang with us and study everything Dr. Harley has out there, get the books. This program works but you will have to get her sober and committed to a program first.

Why don't you narc this OM out to the cops for distributing cocaine and then you don't have to worry about dealing with him anymore?

I am confused.

Why was she alone around this man to begin with?

Has she had a history of drug abuse?

I agree call the cops and tell them that he has been selling cocaine, get the cops over there!

Don't the police need probable course to initiate such an investigation?

Tell the cops that OM is selling drugs.

Expose the affair to everyone.

Get WW into treatment.

Do not have sex with WW until the both of you have been tested for std's.

I never knew she was alone with him.

He turned her onto it without my knowledge. Along with telling her I was doing it. I found out he would stop by when I am not around, and tell her he has some. He would call her and tell her he had some. All she had to do was see or hear him and she wanted the substance.

He manipulated her thoughts, pinned me as a bad guy and him a good guy.

Then after he had her hooked he took it to the next level.

She works at night. Then she would go there before work, while I was home with kids, and get her fix. Then it got to the point where she would not go to work and go there.

I had to find out myself as they were not giving up any info.

she has gone for testing.

Sex? I cant even touch her!!!!!

no history of abuse that I know of.

She has mentioned messing with cocaine back in her early 20's. I think she let him know that.

He is denying everything, calling me names, calling her names, threatened me if he sees me.

DynaMow,

You need to, today right this minute, immediately take 100% control of all financial aspects of your married life right now to protect yourself and your children. This is a case of take action now. You must protect your assets against your addicted wife. I would consult an attorney and file for separation / divorce ASAP just to cover your bases and protect future earnings until your wife has successfully gone thru rehab. You can always pull the separation / divorce filings at a later date, but cover your [censored] right now.

I have a lot of experience of being around people into speed (meth, coke, crank, etc). You need to immediately change the pin codes and passwords on anything financially related (atm cards, credit cards, etc). Those that get strung out do not think rationally and will lie, cheat, and steal to get their fix.

She needs to start taking UAs as part of her agreement to stay with you.

You need to call the cops on him. You also need to be careful. People involved int his type of lifestyle and that have enough to just give away can become quite dangerous.

If you have the money, I would st up cameras and let him know that you will call the cops for trespassing if he ever comes back over to your house.

How did you find out about all this?