Just have her served. No meeting neccesary. I don't see this going good for you emotionaly.

Has she made any recent contact?

NW,

The meeting isn't just to let WW know it's coming. It's also to start the process of asset division. I could file just the petition and have that served, but we would still have to divide the marital assets and file a settlement agreement. I'm hoping to divide the assets in a civilized manner. It that is possible, I can file everything with the court at once. If it turns out not to be possible, then I will have no choice but to petition, then deal with the settlement agreement by whatever means necessary.

She did make some recent email contact. Her parents both have to go into assisted living; her father will be going there from a hospital and seems to be okay with it (co-incidentally that is happening today), her mother is fighting it. OM's house is about 100 miles away and in the ghetto. The drive and living conditions there have her overwhelmed; she said she thinks about "packing her bags and coming home" every day (our home is 10 miles away from the place her father is moving to). But at the end of every day she is still with OM. That may continue forever; I'm done waiting around to find out.

Do you have to tell her you are ready to divorce today? You've been in Plan B for 9 months already.

NW,

I don't "have" to tell her today, but this meeting was scheduled a week ago. The decision to move her father was supposedly just made yesterday. I think she wants to use this is a stall tactic.

It may have a good effect. Realizing that she will be father away from her parents w/o having your place as an option.

Are you still in Plan B still? Would you still take your WW back if she were to meet your conditions?

Pianoman,

Her comments indicate to me a woman that does not want to come back, period. She just wants OM and what you can offer to give her a better life. I liked your analogy about gangrene and clearly after a 5 year affair, she has little or no love left for you. Just what you might offer. OM is who she wants, and if he had a better life she would not even be talking with you.

Please do yourself and her a huge favor and end this.

God Bless,

JL

I consider myself in Plan D now.

A couple months ago I would have taken her back. I'm not so sure anymore. At this point it would not be like she "saw the light" and met the conditions because she wants to give our marriage a chance; instead it would be a response to a try to prevent something that will hurt her.

Sadly, I think you are right.

JL

WW backed out of the meeting. I emailed her and asked her to pick a convenient time. If she doesn't, I'll file the petition and do this the hard way.

At the end of the day she chooses to be with OM. That's all I need to tell myself to move ahead with Plan D.

I think you and JL are both correct. It sounds like that you have had plenty of time to clear your head to make a rational decision not based on your emotions.

After 11 months of plan B I filed for divorce a couple weeks ago, on our 31st anniversary. A couple days after WW was served, she told me she was thinking about coming home, but not until after school starts (she�s a teacher). Receiving the summons and complaint must have had some impact, but it�s obvious the affair isn�t over yet.

If she were to come back � assuming I am willing to let her, and assuming she complies with my terms for attempting reconciliation - I think the probability of a false recovery is very high unless she is an active and willing participant in the MB process of recovery.

My question: should I let her come back (only with verified NC, complete transparency, and willing participation in MB recovery principles) or just keep on with plan D? I know I have to answer that for myself, but I would value any insights.

I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. When is the divorce final compared to when her school starts?

What was your response when she said she was "thinking about coming home?"

There is no date certain for a judgment granting divorce. We have a relatively complex estate to settle.

I did not respond to her about "coming home". My initial thoughts were that living with the OM made for a long commute as well as an unsafe and unattractive environment. She would "come home" to get out of that situation, but probably try to keep the affair going. Then I thought perhaps she was starting to grasp the reality of what she would be losing, but needed time to ease out of her affair. But then I came to my senses - it doesn't matter what I think, and it doesn't matter what her reasoning is. If at the end of the day she is still with the OM - physically or emotionally - there is no chance for recovery.