I am soooooo hoping for some good intel for you this week. I will never forget the second morning I read WXH's IM chats with OW (from the night before as I sat there in the living room with him) he said something along the lines he would like to be with her and do all those things they've already done. Talk about punch to the gut. But it was EXACTLY what I needed to know the truth. I'm sorry it has taken you longer to get the full picture....

Hope you had a good day. How is your pregnancy coming along?

I agree BF isn't the biggest problem....I do want to say that Dirtbag is also just a big symptom of something in your WHs mind that has gone wacked. Entitlement, frat boy mentality, perhaps even amoral....I don't know. He isn't 'right'. Not sure how he would go about fixing himself.

Yes, me too. But I do realize that I may need to proceed with out the smoking gun I've been waiting for. Once I have met with the attorney and know better what my options are, I feel I will have the confidence to do so. I may not get the full picture and that will just have to be okay. It is time for this to be over.

I know what you mean about a punch to the gut. For me, it was the joke about my baby's ultrasound pictures. I'm not sure anything I have yet to her would hurt as badly as that did. At least I hope not.

Thanks for asking about me. The pregnancy is going well. In spite of all the nastiness in my life, I am thrilled that I am having a girl! I know having a baby isn't going to be easy under these circumstances but I realize how lucky and blessed I am.

I see what you mean. DB is just a bigger symptom than BF is. I have no idea what is going on in WH's sick mind. My therapist is convinced that he is going to be blown away once he finds out that I know. I think he figures if I were to find out, I would fly off the handle right away as opposed to keeping it to myself as I've been doing. This is what happens with his friends when they get caught. The wives find out some damaging information and confront immediately and in an angry manner (two of his friends were slapped during their confrontations). Then the guys lie their way out of it. I think WH figures if he gets caught that things would play out much like that. As good as it might feel to slap him, I'm not going to end up a cliche like these other women.

Yes I could tell that really hurt you. He had appeared so happy and thrilled about the baby...and about it being a girl...and then to turn and use it in some sick wayward joke.


Sometimes I think children help us to endure things. I know that a lot of the time I keep on moving forward for my son's sake...and wow..to have a precious new baby to love on and share with her brothers....wow. Yes you are blessed.

I agree it is going to blow him away....he doesn't figure you to be as smart and controlled as you've proved yourself to be the last several months.

Btw, does he know you see a therapist? Does he ask/wonder why?

That was a turning point for me. I'm not sure if I can ever forgive him for that. Whether or not he even wants my forgiveness remains to be seen. But I don't know if I will ever be able to get over that.

I don't know either other than it's what I felt I needed to do in order to get through this. It's good that he will now have to wonder how long I've known and what exactly I know.

I think he knows I see someone. I believe he saw the insurance statement on there that said "psychotherapy". He's a huge ostrich about things and would never say anything to me unless I brought it up first. He's really good at sticking his head in the sand and pretending everything is okay.

Anything new Anne? Just thinking about you this morning and hoping you are ok.

Hi, thanks for asking. Just as confused as ever. He went gambling again with Dirtbag yesterday and didn't tell me. They talked in his car and DB asked about a co-worker from WH's past (over 10 years ago). DB said, "She was wild, wasn't she? Didn't she finger herself and have you smell it?" WH said yes and then talked about how he was "this close" and how she had him grab her hips and it was so hot but he didn't have sex with her. Then DB was talking about the cheating and how another friend said it's in their genes but DB said to WH "But you don't cheat." Then he said something about how WH doesn't want to do that to the kids but then made the point that he didn't cheat on me before we had kids to which WH said "That's true." I don't know what's going on. I don't think he knows I have the VAR in the car because I don't think he would have mentioned that thing with the co-worker.

Sorry to ramble but I'm just trying to make sense of all of this. Possibly WH thinks that as long as he doesn't have intercourse with someone else then it's not cheating (I've suspected this for awhile now).

Anyway, thanks for listening to my messed up post. I'm meeting with the lawyer on July 12.

And I can't wait either!!! Lets finish this shall we??

Soon!

Be aware that a lawyer will complicate Plan A attempts. Nothing wrong with seeing one but dont file. Do your Plan A then file to enter PB.

You should know your rights. Nothing wrong with that. I just wish I hadnt had filed Right Away. Now I have a artificial timeline over my head.

Thanks for the advice. I don't know what I'm going to do but I feel it's important to see an attorney before I confront. The meeting with her is a consultation only so that I know what my options are before I talk to him. While I may file for D, I will not do so until I have confronted him and see where I think this is all headed.

I think you have him perfectly pegged Anne. There is NO WAY he was discussing the co-worker from over 10 years ago knowing you are listening....I'm not clear though...was that before your marriage to him? Your post early in the thread indicate you've been married 10 years but together for 19...so even if you were not married to him during that incident you were 'with' him right? Anyway, no way he would let you hear that conversation. If he found the VAR he would just stop talking when in the car. He certainly wouldn't involve DB in a cover-up....WAY too risky with that umm...dirtbag!

And yes I believe like you do that your WH doesn't think it is cheating if he doesn't have intercourse....


I cannot wait for JULY 12th!!!!!

Your doing the right thing by talking to a lawyer. He can walk you through the process. Just be aware that all the lawyer is going to care about is getting you divorced with you getting the best settlement he can for you. He wont be interested and honestly will get quickly frustrated if you are trying to recover your marriage at the same time he is under retainer to end it.

Just before you drop that $$$ for the retainer ask to see the retainer paperwork. A certain amount of the retainer is non refundable. Mine was 25%. So of the 5500$ I dropped on it $1375 is non refundable. Thats alot of green. Thats almost 8 sessions with the Harleys.

Retainers go away quickly too. My lawyer bills 150 and hour. THey bill to 10 minute increments. If she looks at a paper thats 25$. Takes a call from me 25$. It adds up QUICKLY.

Once again im not trying to deter you from finding your legal rights out. Thats a good thing.

BTW I wish I had waited 2 weeks after I found out. I was in no condition to take care of myself at that point much less sign papers to end my marriage.

YEG, I don't know if you have read Anne's entire thread, but she is not sure if she WANTS to plan A her WH. And she is a SAHM of two boys with a baby on the way. She is dependent on her WH for money...she definitely needs to consult an attorney to know what her options are.

As for you YEG, I think you can drag your divorce out if you choose. The filing hasn't changed that. In fact, I believe Anne will have to file to get her husband out of the house if she so chooses to do that.

Honestly YEG, I do know that your attorney is frustrated with you. ( hey aren't we all frustrated with you. hee hee) But the fact is not ALL attorneys are like you are describing. Some are there to do what you ask them to do. If you want divorced quickly, they will work toward that. If you want to drag it out....they will do that. You just have to tell them what you want.


I about choked when I saw the amount of your retainer. I haven't spent that much TOTAL on a very messy divorce with a very uncooperative husband (XH now). My attorney asked for $500 to start the process. And he is a very excellent attorney. He got me full custody of my son. And also WXH was ordered by the court to pay $1500 of my legal fees.



Again YEG, Anne has known for months. She has had a lot of time to think things through. Doesn't mean she will divorce him. She did say she was going to wait until after she confronts him before making that decision.

We were either living together or engaged when this happened with the co-worker. I'm not sure exactly when it was but I'm pretty sure it was before our wedding. Regardless of when it happened, we were very much together. The woman he was talking about was at our wedding. Jeez, what a skank. Okay so he didn't have actual sex with her but some nasty stuff went down and he has never told me. I even asked him recently what he does when women hit on him (as in how he handles it). He looked me in the eye and said it's never happened. Okay, a woman fingering herself and having you smell her hand and grab her hips does not count as being hit on? Whatever. He's such a liar, I can't stand it. I wonder how many women's he's "not" cheated on me with.

(((Anne))) I know how you feel. And I'm glad you've figured out that he can look you dead in the eye and lie. That is part of what did me in with my WH....I knew I could never trust him.