Hi all,

The youngest was talking to one of the boys that has been at his mom's and let slip that my suspicions were correct!

I can't do this again....I don't have enough left. I would have rather she just left than do this to me. She knows what I went through with my ex. I can't even cry now...just don't know what to do.

I really need some support now

Jason

Se just texted me said she was just "talking"

Talking!!! Till after midnight???? Whatever.....

Dejavue!

I'm at home taking care of the kids cept now I have 4 to take care of instead of 1

While she is out somewhere else...

I am totally lost on this thread??

unseen2,

It has been a long long time since you posted or at least since I have seen your posts. I thought you and your W divorced after her second round of affairs while you were deployeed.

Could you give us an update so that perhaps we might offer some advice on this current situation?

God Bless,

JL

PS: I cannot believe that you and I have been conversing over so many years/decades now.

Sorry all

Had just found out, was not even thinking clearly when I posted.

JL,

Good to hear from you. The thing with Carrie is done. She drug the divorce process out till after my lastest deployment, so it took way longer than it needed. This is a new relationship. I have had lots more PTSD issues lately, that makes me really hard to live with at times (anger, on edge alot). And now with another deployment comming up it makes things worse.

The link below is what I first posted

My other post


I'll post more this evening

Thanks


PS: Yeah it has been a long time, good to hear from you.

Bud,

The best piece of advice I can give you from one vet to another:

Don't date for now.

You're divorced. You need time to heal. You have PTSD to deal with on top of it all. You're not in a healthy place and are likely to enter a bad relationship in such a state of mind.

Better to be alone for a while and get comfortable with that before you dive in with the ladies once more.

Get rid of this woman, who looks to be a cheater, and let your life settle down first.

I have mixed feelings about whether this was a good idea, but I sent this to her this morn:

xxxxx,

I realize I have not been the best partner that I can and should be. I know what I have done wrong, and I am truly ready to be the man you need me to be.

I know you are angry, but involving your self with someone else whether it be emotionally or physically is not the way to address our problems. We both have been unhappy for a while, but what we share is special and worth fighting for. You say you have tried, maybe so but not in the way that we need. We need to start over build on what we have and not on what has been. We have too much that is good to let it go now.

What you are doing with xxxxxx may seem right now, but it will not last and when you finally realize what you have done I will be gone. It is so much easier to just give up. So much easier to stuff the pain and never deal with it. In the long run neither one of us will be happy.

I never said I wanted you to commit to stay together, I wanted you to commit to not giving up yet, to try with me and see that we can make this better. We owe that to ourselves and to the kids to try one more time, this time in a way that might actually work.

All this cannot happen while you are emotionally involved with someone else. Decide what is worth more. The fact that you lie & hide your relationship with him just proves that you know it is not the right thing to do. I cannot believe after all these years of saying forever you will throw it all away.

Part of the recovery process is allowing me the chance to truly make amends for what I have done. I am doing that now. I will continue to do that.

I am the one who would do anything for you. Give me a chance to make you happy again.

I Love you
Jason

As of yet no response. What do y'all think

Jason

I think you need to take their real names out. Including your own is OK if that's what you want to do, but I'm not sure putting theirs in is a good idea for you to do.

tl

Here is the "Soap Opera" Part....

He is the ex-boyfriend/baby daddy of my ex!!



Yeah, maybe I'll leave out thier names. I've always used mine so no big there.

I've used my real name here on this board. And there are a lot of people out there with your same name. By the time you add theirs into the mix, though, it begins to really narrow things down...and you'd be surprised who reads what around here. There have been spouses here before who got into a lot of legal hassle for things they said here, even without using proper names. You don't need THAT!

tl

Jason,

You said

My response is "say what?""" What kind of people are you dealing with here? Is Khyra's exBF following you around picking off your women or what?

JL

Right now I am doing everything I can not to completly breakdown. I try to talk to her, I get the same dismissive attitude.

She was hurt so my feelings don't MEAN $@&%.

Once I had said that all my ex did to me left me "less" than I was, now I know this is true

I can't do this again!!

JL,

He was the "stable" one in that relationship. If wee needed to get some info or get something done, he was the one we talked to.
He helped us keep things more stable for my boy

My fiancee..sorry ex-fiancee is a couselor so she was someone he would vent to about Khyra's behaviors. Since they broke up my new ex and him kept talking it got to the point that even she said it seemed like he wanted more.

We talked (while I was doing Army stuff...Hmmm seeing a pattern here) and she said she would cut things off. Well obviously they did not.

She kept in contact with him even knowing how much it hurt me

I know it is running away, but I'm sooo ready to deploy now. Least there I can make the anger and pain work for me instead of eating me up like it is now

Jason

Oh, she left again tonight

Would not take my boy with, even though he wanted to go. She said she was going to a friends house, lots of kids he knows, he would have loved it.

All this tells me she is going to see "him" again. This was the other man my boy called daddy, no way could she bring him around my boy with out major drama

I know it sounds paranoid, but I trust my gut. It has been right bout 90% of the time.

Jason,

You were given this advice before, but I think you really need to look at carefully. If you have PTSD, then you need to address this before all else. A friend of my son's was in Iraq 4 times as a marine. They finally had to hospitalize him in a VA hosp. for 9 months so that he could function again. He is out of the Marines now, but it was still a problem.

Your GF/fiance cannot seem to handle it and she is having an affair. I don't recommend you try and save this. I don't think you have it in you right now to do this and with deployment coming up you won't be able to address it then.

Frankly, I think you need to do 3 major things.

1. Address the PTSD.
2. Survive this next deployment
3. Start dating a better class of women.

I am NOT being funny with #3. Khyra had huge problems before you met and they only got worse. Your current GF appears to have problems with addressing things. And YOU need to address the PTSD before you enter another relationship. I know from talking with you for many many years now that you are a good man. You are a man that identifies the important things and adheres to what you say. But, you are apparently also a man that doesn't pay enough attention to the little things that often snowball into big things. This true with your actions and those around you.

Work on you, make sure your son has a father after this deployment, and when it is all settled work on finding women that are more stable.

God Bless,

JL

JL,

I know I need to address this I really thought I could keep it in check. I actually went to the VA last week and made some appointments.

It is just that I have worked soo hard on trying to do the right things, I am finally getting to the point in my life that I should be, or at least I thought I was. Also there are three more kids now. Biologically they are not mine, but they are "my" kids. Thier bio father is an abusive POS, I am they only real father they have. I love these kids, she may not think I do but I do.

Your right I do tend to let the little things go till they get to be a problem. One more thing I need to fix.

I just don't know if I can let go, I really think I'll end up on the psych ward. She was the one thing that calmed me, gave me some sort of peace inside. I really don't have alot left to keep on without someone to be with me, that sounds weak i know. I can't start over again

Jason

I think the worst part of this feeling like i am reliving what my ex did to me all over again.

That and what it comes down to is that it is all my fault. I could not keep my issues in check waited on getting the help I need. The could haves and should haves are killing me.

can't sleep so just sitting here staring at the PC

Jason

Jason,

The peace you seek must come from within you. It really must. It is NOT all your fault. Khyra made decisions based on how SHE felt. Based on her perspectives of the world. Based on her lack of boundaries and neediness.

Your current girl friend has made similar decisions and they are HER decisions NOT yours. You are in fact reliving what your ex did to you. This suggests to me that YOU need to change things in your life. It means YOU have to find peace in your life and a firm grounding from which to make decisions and lead your life.

It starts with you addressing the PTSD. YOU MUST DO THIS FOR YOUR SON. Those other three children are going to be affected by your GF's decisions and if she has decided to rid her life of you, then she has to face what she has and will do to them. You cannot protect people from their own self-inflicted wounds. It cannot be done.

I have a saying that I use when people bug me particularly people in my family. I offer it to you for you to consider.

It keeps me sane sometimes as I watch someone I care about do what I think is something really stupid.

But, there is a corollary to that statement which is implicit. This corollary is for you. You are a lonely man. You are going on yet another deployment. You clearly think your mission in life is important and thus this deployment is important. You need to find solice in your choice of life vocations. You need to find solice in doing your duty as you see it. You need to find solice in your contributions to your unit/men. Start by coming to peace with these things.

Your GF is making a mistake but it will only prove to be a real mistake if you address your PTSD, if you come to find peace within yourself. If you become a man that she wishes/needs/wants her children to immulate in life.

Jason I get the feeling that you select your women based on how "needy" they are. Based on what you can do to help them and protect them. I am guessing you do this because you don't feel that a "normal" woman would find you a good partner.

The trouble with selecting needy women is that they often seek their needs met ANYWHERE with ANYBODY. They don't have boundaries when it comes to this. If you actually help them, then they move on. If you cannot fill their bottomless pit of need, they they move on. You can never fill the bottomless pit of a needy person. Just as only YOU can bring peace to your life, no one else can give you this. It is something YOU must seek and acheive.

Jason, get some sleep, and think about what I and others have said. It is time you focused on working on you.

God Bless,

JL

To anyone that can help,
This is the ex fiancee not Unseen2.

I am not on this very often nor do I really know how to maneuver this forum but I will enlighten all to what I struggle with the most....
We have been together for almost five years and he has continually berated my son who has neurological issues that come with erratic behaviors. He has criticized and belittled until all kiddos as well as I are unsure that we do anything right. I supported his emotional ups and downs, his erratic spending habits and lack of budgeting, his complete removal of any form of affection for 6 months at a time, his selfish tendencies where he would be angry or upset over lack of attention for himself but it was completely okay for him to blow off any special occasion for someone else. I never once have screwed around on him nor even thought about another man until I broke off our engagement recently and asked for us to break up. I would have loved this man with my entire heart until my very last breath but he stomped and crushed that love little by little and has done very little to rectify the hurt he caused over the past years until now when I have resolved to end the relationship regardless of how much it tears me up inside. I have lost respect for the man he is and I do not know how to get that back. He compares me to his ex whom had numerous affairs while he was home and gone and was/is very self-centered. Seriously, I am in no way even remotely in that same category. I should have left years ago but I tried, for all of us I tried. I could not even imagine going into all the details of why I am where I am in my emotions and how all has led to this point. He definately has anger issues that I do not feel are healthy for my kiddos nor I. I asked for us to separate, I did not EVER cheat on him. He broke my heart the day he called my son who is 11 yo a "worthless piece of [censored]" and I am not sure I can EVER forgive him for that...... Good Luck to All
Sincerely,
Broken