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Book is on the way..should be here tomorrow. Texted "I'm sorry", he texted "what?", I didn't reply. No insurance until middle of next month, so not sure about meds at this point. Trying to read and think logically. Good text. Don't do a follow up text. For the next few days you need some serious self-care. Which is a major part of PLAN A ! Start with exercise. A VIGOROUS walk a few times daily. Put on some girl-power music and dance and sing along. Get yourself into shape physically. It will improve your mental outlook. Some Gloria Gaynor lyrics: First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me
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Yes, you are not in Plan B?!
Also please don't tell your WH about this site, the plans, the fact that you intend to go NC with him soon, etc. Keep all of this to yourself... Exactly! This is to be your safe haven, your place to come and vent, cry, moan and rejoice. We're here to help you through this. MB is the BEST possible method for recovering your marriage, and most definitely for your own personal recovery. The steps are specific for a reason... they work.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Book is on the way..should be here tomorrow. Texted "I'm sorry", he texted "what?", I didn't reply. No insurance until middle of next month, so not sure about meds at this point. Trying to read and think logically. Good text. Don't do a follow up text. For the next few days you need some serious self-care. Which is a major part of PLAN A ! Start with exercise. A VIGOROUS walk a few times daily. Put on some girl-power music and dance and sing along. Get yourself into shape physically. It will improve your mental outlook. Some Gloria Gaynor lyrics: First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me These lyrics are GREAT! They were a great comfort to me during my husband's crazydays. I even had it as a ringtone!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Posts: 35,996
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Redz,
You don't NEED to apologize for your feelings.
Only for bad behavior on your part.
Just making certain you understand.
We know it's hard.
It's heartbreaking to watch another woman go through what we ourselves went through.
Just know this.
We GET it.
We really do.
We want to help you avoid some of the common mistakes that most of us made.
YOU CAN DO THIS
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Posts: 217
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Don't forget the STD tests, please!!! You can go to your OB/GYN, they have heard it all! Mine put me on ADs because I sobbed through the entire test - but, getting that letter saying I was free of disease helped me so much!!! Please do it!
Me: BW, 46
Him: WH, 48
EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09
D-day 7-29
NC 8-17
OW and WH both fired from jobs
OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!
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I am glad that you are getting some great advice here. I have taken the same steps as you just 7 short months ago and I still remember them A LOT. Read all you can and learn all that you can about yourself. YOU CAN DO THIS. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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All is NOT lost.
4. Start writing your Plan B letter, because your tank is almost completely empty.
5. Educate yourself about the laws concerning separation, child and spousal support in your area. Where can I find info on writing a Plan B letter? There are no kids between us, so child support in my case is not an issue. Been through legal separation and divorce with first hubby, so I know how that goes. Am I supposed to be contacting an attorney at this stage?
BS(me)43
WS(him)35
Married 7 yrs (together 10)
No children together; 20yo & 15yo ds (mine), 14yo dd (his)
D day: 05/11/10
NC not established
Status: headed for D and takin' care of me
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Ok, here is where I'm at today: no replies from WH after text earlier today..not sure if he is just not replying or phone is turned off. Feel in my gut that he is with OW right now, but NO, Ikm not gonna go check! Do I just wait for him to make contact so I can try to Plan A?
On the subject of exposure..I exposed to WH and my mutual friends and families, not to hers. But, I have since copied her FB friends and I think there is some family in there. Do I pursue that now even though exposure for him was a few weeks back? Please tell me the best way to handle this.
What happens if he just never contacts me again? What do I do then? I feel like I'm waiting and not doing anything. I know I am, but that's the feeling..waiting on him to wake up and choose me.
BS(me)43
WS(him)35
Married 7 yrs (together 10)
No children together; 20yo & 15yo ds (mine), 14yo dd (his)
D day: 05/11/10
NC not established
Status: headed for D and takin' care of me
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Ok, here is where I'm at today: no replies from WH after text earlier today..not sure if he is just not replying or phone is turned off. Feel in my gut that he is with OW right now, but NO, Ikm not gonna go check! Do I just wait for him to make contact so I can try to Plan A?
On the subject of exposure..I exposed to WH and my mutual friends and families, not to hers. But, I have since copied her FB friends and I think there is some family in there. Do I pursue that now even though exposure for him was a few weeks back? Please tell me the best way to handle this.
What happens if he just never contacts me again? What do I do then? I feel like I'm waiting and not doing anything. I know I am, but that's the feeling..waiting on him to wake up and choose me. YES expose to her friends and family! 
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K, here's the thing about the exposure to OW's people: a few weeks back, I shut down my FB account because it was a constant temptation to check WH's page. Figured out of sight, out of mind. Several weeks prior, in an effort to entice WH, I had created a fictitious account under a pseudonym in an effort to "role play" with him. Figured if it was an online affair he wanted, an online affair I would give him. Obviously, it didn't work, but the pseudonym is the account I reactivated to take a look at her friends list. My question is: do I send exposure messages from the pseudonym account or reactivate my REAL account and do it that way so it has my real name on it?
No contact from WH yet..do I just keep waiting??
BS(me)43
WS(him)35
Married 7 yrs (together 10)
No children together; 20yo & 15yo ds (mine), 14yo dd (his)
D day: 05/11/10
NC not established
Status: headed for D and takin' care of me
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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My question is: do I send exposure messages from the pseudonym account or reactivate my REAL account and do it that way so it has my real name on it?
No contact from WH yet..do I just keep waiting?? 1. Both. Use the pseudonym account, and sign off with your real name. Identify yourself as THE WIFE of the man OW is committing adultery with. 2. Wait until WH contacts you. Plan A means taking care of yourself in special ways. Are you doing that?
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I exposed to OW FB friends. Only got 8 sent before I was blocked, but I chose the ones who looked most like family. Have to work this evening, but will try to send more tonight. This is what I sent:
It saddens me to inform you that (OW) and my husband (WH) are having an adulterous affair. I love my husband very much and want more than anything for our marriage to work. If you have any influence over (OW), I ask that you please encourage her to end this affair and never have contact with my husband again so that my husband and I can try to rebuild our marriage. Thank you, (my real name)
How's that?
Still no contact from WH. My heart is pounding and I miss him so much!
Trying to learn to be good to me. Feel so lost right now and have spent so many years puttin WH and kids first, I think I forgot. Did go out to late dinner with friends and 20yoDS last night and that made me feel better, if only for a little while.
I appreciate your replies. Thanks for helping me feel not so alone in all this. Can't wait till SAA gets here!
BS(me)43
WS(him)35
Married 7 yrs (together 10)
No children together; 20yo & 15yo ds (mine), 14yo dd (his)
D day: 05/11/10
NC not established
Status: headed for D and takin' care of me
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You did good work on FB exposure.
Hold on tight.
The excrement is about to hit the fan.
Infidels HATE exposure.
Stay composed and cool.
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When WH contacts you to tell you how upset he is that you exposed his dirty little secret...
Ignore anything that does not sound like an apology. I don't expect that he will offer one and state he is going to recommit to the marriage, but just about anything other than that you need to totally ignore and forget he is even saying it.
He will say things that will cut you to the bone, if you listen to them and allow them to dwell in your mind. So again I say...
Ignore everything he says.
Unless he is falling at your feet begging forgiveness...
Wouldn't hold my breath for that, but THAT you might want to consider.
The vile venomous crap waywards spew when exposure happens can all just be written off as insanity over which they have no control. It is the alien that abducted them that is speaking and not some rational thought process.
Mark
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It saddens me to inform you that (OW) and my husband (WH) are having an adulterous affair. I love my husband very much and want more than anything for our marriage to work. If you have any influence over (OW), I ask that you please encourage her to end this affair and never have contact with my husband again so that my husband and I can try to rebuild our marriage. Thank you, (my real name) Good job. Your doing great. It will be tough. Defiantly expect a REALLY bad 4th of july. The plan DOES WORK though. Keep your standards for your M high and your expectations low. You will get either a husband that wants to invest in your M or you will fall out of love with him and be able to move on with someone that appreciates the gifts and lessons that MB has taught you.
(ME) BS - 33YO (HER) WW - 32YO Married 7 years DD5 D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA) Exposure 5/7/10 Plan A 5/7/10 - Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM My thread
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You are doing great, Redz!
A question: Have all the kids been told of the A? If so, does your H know this yet? Are any of the family members you have exposed to willing to say something to your H in support of your M?
Hang in there!
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I have created a firestorm! LOL! The caca has definitely hit the fan. I've got all kinds of messages from OW's FB friends, mostly supportive, but a few nasty ones. Even got a text message from OW (I didn't feel the need to reply). Says that "this petty stuff doesn't bother" her, but she sure sounded angry!
From all accounts, WH is staying with OW. Has not been to fire department in 2 days - he is a volunteer firefighter who was previously passionate about it.
All of the kids (his and mine) know about A and have expressed their hurt and dissapointment to him. Doesn't seem to be making an impact.
Feel like I'm getting a little stronger. Trying to eat at least once a day. You guys have no idea how much your help and support mean to me..thank you so much! Off to resume exposure!
BS(me)43
WS(him)35
Married 7 yrs (together 10)
No children together; 20yo & 15yo ds (mine), 14yo dd (his)
D day: 05/11/10
NC not established
Status: headed for D and takin' care of me
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You did good work on FB exposure.
Hold on tight.
The excrement is about to hit the fan.
Infidels HATE exposure.
Stay composed and cool. Wow! Just got an email from OW's mother in regards to exposure message on FB. She wanted to know details before she "spoke with her daughter". Asked about when, how long, were we separated, etc. Said that she knew there were two sides to every story, etc. I kept to the facts and reiterated my purpose: to do whatever I could to try and repair my marriage. Good sign? I feel better about doing it, I know that. Also got several messages from some of her exes. Seems this isn't the first time OW has been involved in cheating. How about that? Gotta work now..will be back this evening. Any suggestions on what to do next? Got a day off tomorrow, so I'm thinking of going through his friends list to see if there are any I missed there...
BS(me)43
WS(him)35
Married 7 yrs (together 10)
No children together; 20yo & 15yo ds (mine), 14yo dd (his)
D day: 05/11/10
NC not established
Status: headed for D and takin' care of me
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You guys have no idea how much your help and support mean to me.. I don't know about anyone else, but this is exactly why I'm here now. I do know and remember it and want to pay a little back. This place saved my marriage and maybe my life...
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