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I'm doing ok. Feeling really anxious about leaving "home" in a month to go back to the states.

My wife's sister posted a bunch of pictures from her wedding. I looked through them, seeing the most recent pictures I've seen of my WW. I don't feel anything towards her. When I see her I just think of all she's put me through while I've been here. I haven't communicated with her in several days, and I'm not in any hurry to do so.

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I don't blame you for going dark with her. No contrition, no respect, no civility. When everything is said and done. You have acted honorably, and mercifully towards her, and can look back knowing that you did everything in you power to restore your marriage and keep the faith. However this turns out, I believe your healing will be quicker and deeper because of the way you've handled yourself. I am optimistic that if you inevitably part from you WW, that there is someone that is MUCH better out there for you.

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Quote:
Feeling really anxious about leaving "home" in a month to go back to the states.


Morning Gurka! I understand how you feel... I just got "home" to Iraq yesterday from my last R&R.

Use your first couple of weeks at home to really evaluate your situation to see where you want to go. I think that you've gone above and beyond what most BH's would do in trying to fight for your M. At some point, you will decide if the continued "pain" is worth your efforts. If she doesn't start responding, then I expect you'll make your decision sooner rather than later.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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I imagine I'll be spending the first couple weeks trying to set my life up again (internet, food, car, etc.) My anniversary is August 8th, not long after I get back.

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Had a missed call from WW this morning while I was at the range. Wonder what she wants now. I don't really feel like calling her back... Maybe she'll call again tomorrow.

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Sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I just got back from Ireland last night. If this is the way you feel, being exhausted by plan A and losing almost all your love for her, maybe it is time to go plan B. Right now she has the luxury of being able to contact you whenever she wants. She also knows you are there still waiting for her if she wants. I think you should write her a plan B letter and then cut off all contact with her. You have done all you can. Plan A is exhausting and drains your love bank quite heavily. Maybe the spark she needs to change her behavior is to think you are moving on. You take back the control in your relationship. Get a parent or friend to be an intermediary and block her from your email and phone. Go DARK and let her wonder what is going on with you. This is probably the best way to get her to change her attitude before you are completely done with her.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Ugh, for whatever reason she stopped using our calling service and has been calling me direct. Phone bill this month was $511. Why?!

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Originally Posted By: Gerkaguards
Ugh, for whatever reason she stopped using our calling service and has been calling me direct. Phone bill this month was $511. Why?!


To intentionally create a huge phone bill? That was my first thought.

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Originally Posted By: SmilingWoman
Originally Posted By: Gerkaguards
Ugh, for whatever reason she stopped using our calling service and has been calling me direct. Phone bill this month was $511. Why?!


To intentionally create a huge phone bill? That was my first thought.


Mine too.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Good morning Gurka,

Has she actually called you that much over the past month? Could some of her phone calls be related to her brother moving out with her and her Dad?

You could mention that you noticed that the phone bill was higher this month and ask her if she needs any help with paying it. If she gets defensive, then that may be another signal that it's time to go to Plan-B. If she says that the high phone bill is due to her brother's move and her Dad, then you can offer some more financal support.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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All the calls that cost money were to me, in Afghanistan. I pay the phone bill, so there's no point in offering to help pay for it, I'm paying the damn bill.

I emailed her yesterday:
Is there a reason you stopped using tel3 and just started calling me straight from your phone? Because it's going to put me in the poor house. $250 in Afghanistan calls last month, and I can't say I remember enjoying any of them enough to pay $3.50 a minute for them. I left my phone in my room this morning when I went to the shooting range, and it looks like I missed a (expensive) call from you. What did you call for?

----------------------------
She wrote back:

For some reason I had thought you had told me to just call straight from the phone. This was back when we were having a hard time with tel 3, and I thought there was something you had worked out. I apologize and I can pay the amount of the international calls.

I got home from the field and I had some missed unknown calls and I figured that it was probably you trying to call me, I guess not.

I bought my ticket for the 4th, so I will contact your parents to see what time will be good for them for me to come and get the dog and my things.

---------------------------------
I replied:

Don't worry about the phone bill, just please watch the international calls.

I hope you were sincere about me getting to see Apollo again. Like I used to tell you all the time, he was the only thing keeping me sane at Fort Polk without you there. I made us breakfast every day, came home and took him for a walk at lunch every day, took him running after work most days, and cooked us dinner every night. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do there without him. My life pretty much revolved around taking care of him while I was at Fort Polk. I hope you have a garbage can with a good lid; he's a trash rascal.



My parents wrote me earlier letting me know she wrote them an email letting them know she would be picking up the dog and her things Sunday and Monday July 4th weekend. They told me they don't have any of her things, that they took them all to my house at Fort Polk, so I'm sure she wont't be happy about that.

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Good job, Gerk.

I'm glad you said this, " I can't say I remember enjoying any of them enough to pay $3.50 a minute for them."

And it got you an apology.

Interesting how she keeps looking for your calls.

Quote:
so I'm sure she wont't be happy about that.


Tough chit.

Good job not dropping any LBs, and keeping your 2nd email friendly. I know you're running on empty w/ your love bank.

You keep this going as long as you want to. And not a moment longer.

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Shows that she is at least thinking about you - that an unknown number shows up on her phone and your the first person she thought of whose call that she missed.

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Hey Gurka!

This latest conversation sounds good... almost "normal"! I didn't see anything negatve in her reply at all.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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I think she's just being nice to get the dog. I still don't think this is going to work out. I guess we'll see in a month when I get back.

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Like I said before, I stopped with the regular chatty emails. It didn't take long for me to run out of the will to keep writing and not get any response. When the phone rings, or I get an email, I cringe a little because I worry that it's her. I feel like I don't want to talk to her, or hear from her because every time I do she's so cold and indifferent and it makes me feel bad.

But I feel like we're at an impasse. She obviously doesn't want to talk to me, and I don't want to talk to her. Yet I still feel like I'm obligated to keep making an effort so that I'm not the one quitting or giving up. Thinking about writing her a chatty email tomorrow, but I don't really want to.

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Originally Posted By: Gerkaguards
Like I said before, I stopped with the regular chatty emails. It didn't take long for me to run out of the will to keep writing and not get any response. When the phone rings, or I get an email, I cringe a little because I worry that it's her. I feel like I don't want to talk to her, or hear from her because every time I do she's so cold and indifferent and it makes me feel bad.

But I feel like we're at an impasse. She obviously doesn't want to talk to me, and I don't want to talk to her. Yet I still feel like I'm obligated to keep making an effort so that I'm not the one quitting or giving up. Thinking about writing her a chatty email tomorrow, but I don't really want to.


Why are you obligated to keep making an effort? Either divorce her or go full on plan A. Her goal was to wear you down so you would just accept divorce. I'm not trying to tell you to keep plan Aing or to get a divorce, but all I can advise you is that your current plan is leading you down to divorce. So, if that is not what you want, then you need to snap out of it and get back on a good plan A. Otherwise, just go directly to plan B. You are under no obligation to keep trying. She's the bad one here. In fact, in my personal opinion (buried about 100 pages back), I told you she wasn't marriage material and you should thank your lucky starts the marriage broke up before you had kids so you could easily move on with your life. But if you are not deciding to do that just yet, you are just hurting your chances with your current plan (or lack thereof). I know plan A is exhausting, and that's why I'm here to give you a little kick in the butt.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Originally Posted By: Gerkaguards
Like I said before, I stopped with the regular chatty emails. It didn't take long for me to run out of the will to keep writing and not get any response. When the phone rings, or I get an email, I cringe a little because I worry that it's her. I feel like I don't want to talk to her, or hear from her because every time I do she's so cold and indifferent and it makes me feel bad.

But I feel like we're at an impasse. She obviously doesn't want to talk to me, and I don't want to talk to her. Yet I still feel like I'm obligated to keep making an effort so that I'm not the one quitting or giving up. Thinking about writing her a chatty email tomorrow, but I don't really want to.


Exactly what plan are you in??

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The main question you should be asking:

Is she worth it?

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I'm in a sort of Plan A (A for Afghanistan.) I think I made it about a month of sending regular emails 3 times a week and getting back little to no response, none of it positive.

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