I'm feeling an urge to break plan B....please someone tell me how it won't help. I want to text him and tell him how sorry he is and that I know what his plans are this weekend.

He's such a disappointment. How is plan B helping me when all I do is think about "them"

Okay, HopeE, prepare yourself for a gentle 2x4...

You are thinking about them all the time because you're getting way too much information about WH and what he is doing. You said they're still trying to hide things. How do you know this? You said WH can't pick up the kids because of a job interview on Monday. Now you are speculating about his motives and what is going on over there in affairland.

Time to stop. If your brother is your IM, then he's doing you no favors by giving you details about your WH. Instead of telling you why WH wasn't coming, he should have said, visitation is canceled until next time. Period. In fact, it is not your responsibility to make sure that WH follows through on his visitations. It is HIS responsibility to get word to you through your IM, and that word should only be that he's not going to exercise his right to visitation.

Time to stop focusing solely on WH. Turn that focus on what you can do for yourself and your children. When the children ask about dad, your response is you have no idea what he's doing. You will let them know when you hear. Your children need to be instructed to not relay ANY information to you about WH and what he's up to. You may think they need an outlet, but you're not it. This is hurting you too much.

When you start speculating about what WH is doing, feeling, or thinking, you are making a DJ (disrespectful judgment) and it hurts you. Stop assuming things that you don't know for sure. It is going to drive you insane and prevent you from healing.

We love ya HopeE but sometimes you're your own worst enemy. Start treating yourself better. Place boundaries on yourself. Refuse to "go there"-- wear a rubber band around your wrist and everytime a thought pops in your head, smack yourself good with that rubberband.

Please don't be offended. Please take this in the spirit in which it is given-- with your best interest at heart.

Okay, end of 2x4.

(((HopeE)))

HopeE, exactly what PM said. You do know way too much info. THAT is precisely why you want to break Plan B, because you are not being dark enough. You have the NC directly with him, down pat. You need to firm up the rest of the little holes.

Remember that Plan B is not only to keep you in NC with your WH, it is also to save any remaining LB balance in the chance that your WH will come home and want to recover. If you let these little things in, they build up and chip away at your remaining LB. That was one way that I convinced myself to stop all of the snooping and questions of the DSx2. You can do this. You ARE doing this.

Thanks and I don't take offense....if anything I hate that I can't control myself. You're right about my brother not giving the extra details. I'll let him know that.

I'm also still allowing my children to deliver me messages. DD14 always comes and tells me when he text her and what he says. I do need to tighten things up.

Thanks for the 2 x 4. I also called Melody and she gave me one too...:)

I have two nice bumps to think about instead of WH and OW.

My scripture for this week is, "Follow me...and let the dead bury their own dead."

This hit me square in the face and helped me to discover how God really feels about me. No matter what happens in my life, he never changes and his plans for me are the same, his goals for me are the same, and his purposes for me are the same.

I've been hanging out with the dead and dieing for too long and I've been spreading death in the process. After this horrible experience, my senses and my mind have never been more alive. I'm so aware of everything now. I think I've been floating in a cloud with my head hanging over the side in the sand....if that's possible???

Now...where I go from here???? I don't know, but it's not back to the graveyard.

I miss him...I do. I understand that even if he did come home; it could never be the same again. I don't want it to be the same.

Exactly!!! You really don't want to associate yourself with the WH or anyone he hangs with. THAT guy is not someone you need in your life. Now, when and if your DH makes an appearance, it'll be a different story but WH doesn't deserve one minute of your thoughts... he's headed down a path of destruction and you don't want to go there with him.

God DOES have a plan and only wants what's best for you. Let HIM become your focus and WH will fade into the background. Show your dear children a woman of faith, class and love who holds her head high and proud in the face of seemingly unsurmountable obstacles. You WILL come out a victor and overcomer!

Still prayin'!

Hope,


When nothing seems to be going as planned, see Jeremiah 29:11, Joshua 1:5-9...

Thank you all for those posts, they are so helpful to me!
Especially the part that says that WH is not who we want to be with right now..I really feel a sense of death when I think of all the things he was able to do in hte past 2 years and the way he was able to remove himself and be so cruel and heartless. Once must be pretty unconscious and dead inside to act that way!
HopeE, it has been 10 months for me since plan B an I still think a lot about WH. The reason why? because I see him at work and hear too much about him and what he is doing.
Unless you pull the plug it can be a slow and painful process.
I have not seen him for 3 weeks now as school is out, however I think I gave gained momentum from all the times I have seen him and heard of him that now it will take me extra long to get him out of my mind.
Do all you can not to hear about him. It really is the key otherwise you will be in for a long agony.
blessing

Thanks Princess and Mark,

Since I've been having quiet times with my children and memorizing scripture, things have been different for me. I still get haunting thoughts, but they are being chased off faster.

It's pouring down rain here in Texas today....and yesterday. I need to find something for my kids to do....we're a little stir crazy from being around the house alot. Yesterday, one of the daycare camp days for DS7, was completely disrupted because of my son. I was called to come and get him because of his constant disruptive behavior. It was upsetting for me because I just don't know what to do with him. It's also my only break during the week and now I can't even count on it.

Hope, it is good you are finding comfort in spirituality.. That is primary and everything else falls into place when we realize that we are whole even without others.
Your son might just need your comfort, hopefully the weather will improve
blessing

All over the city today trying to find a place to swim, but everything was closed because of the rain:(

Sooo we went to eat at Chipotles and on to Pet Smart to see all the doggies in the windows. Walked out spending $50...how did that happen?

Anyhoo, my boys were out of control and this lady at Pet Smart said, "I guess your ready for school to start already." I just smiled. I told them we would go swimming tomorrow if the rain holds back.

Overall, a pretty good day.

Well.....WH finally called and spoke with children today. He was all crying because a friend of his at the lake died of cancer; I'm sorry, but I feel for the family, but I feel nothing for WH...how awful is that?

He said he was coming by on Thursday to give DS9 his birthday present. I'm wondering what to do??? First of all, he didn't contact my IM to let me know of anything and 2nd of all, should I wait around all day wondering when he will be here? I have plans to take kids swimming tomorrow since today was a disaster. Just curious how to handle this.

Ok, your WH cannot expect you to wait around. Just let your IM know that he can give the present to son at X time or between x and y time. You set the rules, not him.
If he can't make it at that time, you can negotiate a better time or just stay firm on times that work for you.
He just can't come out of the woodwork and expect you to jump to his decisions and needs. He has lost that priviledge and should have never had it...!
blessing

Just to add ...what is the interpretation of this scripture?
blessing

If the message came through the wrong channel, you didn't get it. What I had to do a few times when my WH tried to do this same thing was make sure we weren't home. Just take the kids out, leave the cell phones at home. Your WH WILL be VERY angry. He needs to see that you mean business when it comes to only passing messages through your IM.

So, first you IGNORE the message and then you go out. I used to say a silent thank you to WH for at least warning me of a "surprise" visit. Wouldn't it be worse for him just to show up?

Oh and I usually go over with the kiddos what the rules for contact are. Say something like, "If Daddy wants to get a message to me, what does he have to do?" Then you could also say, "I am willing to talk to Daddy once he ends his affair with OW and decides to come home and be a family again." The kids will GET this. And their message to WH will be what YOU say.

Ok thanks Scotland and Atena,

I think I will be gone to movies or something.

Atena,

The original interpretation of the scripture is that it was used by Jesus when speaking with one of his disciples. He said follow me and one man said, but I have to bury my father...Jesus said let the dead bury their own dead. In other words, let the dead in spirit bury the dead in life.

I accepted this in my own situation as...follow Jesus and his will for my life....leave and don't worry about the dead in spirit. My husband is dead in spirit and therefore incapable of my expecations right now or maybe never. To me it said...go on!!

Here's the actual passage:
Matt 8:18-23

18 Now when Jesus saw a crowd around Him, He gave orders to depart to the other side of the sea.

19 Then a scribe came and said to Him, "Teacher, I will follow You wherever You go."

20 Jesus said to him, "The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head."

21 Another of the disciples said to Him, "Lord, permit me first to go and bury my father."

22 But Jesus said to him, " Follow Me, and allow the dead to bury their own dead."

23 When He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him.
NASU

Here's an interpretation of the verse from commentary:

"Jesus is not being coldhearted. He is trying to make the point that true followers of God have to be spiritually based in heaven in order to bring that kingdom living to earth.

The key is that serving God is more important than serving people, even though we minister to our fellow human beings as God�s ambassadors. In this respect, we could expand Jesus' remark to say, "Allow the spiritually dead to bury their own dead."

Just do what you had planned and if he shows up at your house, don't answer the door.

Thank you. I am going to buy the gospel today. I do not have a copy but I think it is full of good stuff.
blessing

Well, swimming was a success, but when we had to get out for lightening...thirty minute wait, I said, "that's it we're going"

They got to swim for at least 2 hours so it was all good. WH called my IM and said when he was coming over tomorrow. Funny, but he doesn't ask if anyone has plans...he just assumes that I'll be there.

I can't tell everyone the anger I feel at any given time during the day....I didn't deserve this mess. I deserved to be loved. Now, I've not only given the best years of my life to a man's ventures and whims, now I'm 41 facing the most difficult thing of my life. He's waltzing off into the sunset with no worries. All he has to do is leave his gift and away he goes on his romantic weekend. It makes me sick.

What is this?

An assumption that all is well over there in affairland.

You don't KNOW this. Why torture yourself when you don't know for sure?

Please, please quit worrying and thinking about what WH might be doing. We're gonna have to get you your own Loonie jar... ask Scotland about that.