One of the nice things about being divorced is that I can make better choices about the people that I love. These are the characteristics that I will never tolerate again in a partner. These are my dealbreakers:

Dishonesty - If they start lying or ommitting, I'm done. I will not tolerate the "harmless" white lies that tell me I'm with a liar.

Alcoholism, excessive drinking, having a drink with the "guys" on the way home from work.

Pornography - I won't compete with that again.

Bad tempers - if they start yelling, cussing, or being mean to people, I won't wait around for my turn to receive their wrath.

Sports fanaticism - This is not a judgement- it is just a personal preference. I just can't handle watching all sports all the time. I want to do things - not watch them.

Couch potatoes - see above explanation.

Someone that has no connection with their family - Will they ever connect with me on a meaningful level if they can't connect with their family or children?

Someone that is a slob - too much work to clean up after someone else and too expensive to keep replacing things that are broken or ruined needlessly.

Then their are the MB things that must be compatible:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068b_qa.html


What won't you tolerate in your next relationship?

I'm wondering if you were with my ex...

Well, all of yours sound right to me.

I won't tolerate covert verbal abuse either. The act of making fun of someone (usually me) and then saying, "I was just joking! You're too sensitive!" Translation? "Not only are you stupid, you're uptight too!"

No more no more no more

Lol. No I hope I wasn't with your ex. As far as I know, he only had one wife at a time. But this isn't about them. It is about us. This is about the silver lining that comes with a divorce. We get to pick better next time (when we are good and ready).

I won't tolerate someone who:

Won't TALK with me

Won't plan a future together: everything from a Friday night date to vacations, holidays, investments, retirement.

Uses sexual fantasy to have sex with me.

Won't make a decision.

Is passive or passive aggressive, conflict avoider, or people pleaser.

Isn't passionate about our relationship with God.

Won't tolerate someone with character flaws...dishonesty, cheating, swearing, anger, drinking, manipulation, a user, thief, irresponsibility, a fool. (Doesn't matter HOW cool his Harley is!)
MUST be a Christian, have a good sense of humor, be caring and affectionate. Must like dogs!

I have a fairly short list, No lying, cheating or stealing. Cheating means more than adultery in this case. And no violence or manipulation or drug use. Those activities cut you off my list immediately.

After that, I'm looking for compatibility. Someone whose life pattern fits well with mine, good sexual chemistry and someone who sees the world the way I do.

Must like cats and videogames and be a non-smoker. (Those are in addition to the obvious no cheating, lying, etc)

Must be willing to NOT push me to interact with my toxic family!! ("But they're your family!!! YOU NEED TO!")

If I was single, it would be:
rich, beautiful, played video games, athletic, double jointed, ALWAYS smelled nice even after going to the gym, great conversationalist, intelligent, award winning chef, wanted sex 47.9 times a day, was able to surf and ski, had a complete collection of Transformers, had a butler, a maid, and let me sit at home playing video games while she worked as a model and a brain surgeon during the afternoons. Of course she'd be home by 2, so we could have cocktail hour on her cabana.

Her dad would have to own his own island also so we could hang out there on the weekends.

I think that about covers it.

Kilted:

Kilted, that's how married people think about what they would want if they were single.

As you can see, single people have much fewer criteria.

I think that alone proves the grass isn't always greener.


What I love is if you look closely at someone's list of items they won't tolerate, you can make a good guess at where the problems were in their marriage. It's also interesting to note that so far, the list is very heavy in avoiding LB behavior, and less focused on meeting emotional needs.

You're right. I think I set the bar too high. Okay, I'll take intelligent and great conversationalist off the list.