If I say "Don't call anymore!" H calls more, If I say "I don't want to see you untill you are finished with OW!" H shows up at the front door...<P>This has been my home (owned) for 20 years, and my 4 children at home were born in my bedroom by my midwife, H lived here for over 9 years, and considers me awful for telling him he CANT come home whenever he wants...<P>I don't want to move, but no matter how I try, Plan B doesn't work... H also knows that I wont fight him or be mean to him in front of the children, so he makes sure he hugs mommy in front of them so I comply... If he won't get rid of OW how do I MAKE him understand I am not here for him? <P>I don't want to move....<P>cozy

cozy,<P>Time to step up your plan b efforts. Do you have an answering machine? If so, then I suggest you start screening your calls. He's bound to stop calling if you don't answer the phone or return his messages. If you don't have an answering machine, get one now.<P>Also, change the locks on your door. It was <B>his</B> decision to have the affair, now he must live with the consequences, which includes being locked out of his own house. Tough sh*t. Get a peep hole in your door and don't answer it if he comes around.<P>Also, about your kids, I assume they know you two are separated right? Don't be mean to him, but be firm. Push him away when he tries to hug you. Explain to the kids if you have to.<P>You must be more firm in your plan b. It sounds like you are being a little too lenient.<P>--andy

andy has made some good suggestions.<P>If he comes over does that mean you have to TALK to him? Can't you just ignore him? If he's going for a hug I'd have my hands full and let him hug me like I'm a statue. <P>What about a restraining order? or calling the cops because he's trespassing on your property? <P>From your very first post I could tell this man isn't going to let you go easily. The more you push him away the more he's going to come towards you. <P>You've been the best thing for him - he's not going to have an easy time finding a decent woman to love him like you do. <P>Men who have mistresses and illegitimate children and live with their mothers are the kind of men we warn our daughters about. Unfortunately, you either didn't get that warning or you chose not to heed the red-flags telling you that this guy is bad news. <P>Good luck - I'm rooting for ya!

Cozy,<P>Absolutely get Caller ID and the Peep hole. It is your decision to answer the phone or the door. It's ashame some folks have to play games with such an important crossroads in our life.<P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic

Thanks you guys...<P>I'll try the answering machine, and caller ID and see where I can find a new lock for the front door.... Single mom, low income and no support, doesn't give me much $$ for these costs... Have enought time finding it for just the basics... My dinosaur puter even is on its last leg <pat-pat-pat> and I use it for work....<P>I guess if you could help me with a Plan B letter too, it would be appreciated!!!<P>cozy

Cozy,<P>I used the same letter in SAA with a few modifications. I havn't sent it yet, it's sitting in my works file waiting for the RIGHT time. <P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic